Victim #124: Fourteen Years in Jail on Family Law Contempt Charges

If you weren't aware, due process of law does not apply in family law cases.

In due process for criminal cases you get the following:
1. If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be appointed for you.
2. You are presumed innocent until proven guilty.
3. You are entitled to a trial by jury.
4. You are given a sentence with a definite time period of incarceration.

In family law, you get the following if you are held in contempt [such as when you are unable to pay your alimony and the court thinks you can.]
1. If you cannot afford an attorney, you are out of luck. Not only that, but the court will asses you with the fees and costs incurred by your ex-spouse.
2. You have the burden of proving that you were unable to pay your ex-spouse.
3. You are not entitled to a trial by jury.
4. The courts will assign you a purge amount that you have to pay in order to be kept out of jail. If you are unable to pay, and can't prove it to the courts satisfaction, you will be kept in jail until you cough up the purge amount as the court considers that you have the "keys to your cell" and can get out whenever you decide to pay the extortion amount.

Apparently, the courts consider the inability to pay alimony as a more serious crime than murder, rape, robbery, etc. for which your constitutional rights are able to be suspended.

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Saturday, July 11, 2009

By Mari A. Schaefer, Philadelphia Inquirer

PHILADELPHIA -- H. Beatty Chadwick, imprisoned in Delaware County for the last 14 years, was in the jail library yesterday giving legal advice to female inmates when a prison official walked up and gave him the news.

He was a free man.

Minutes earlier a Delaware County Common Pleas judge issued an order granting Mr. Chadwick's petition for freedom, thus ending his incarceration for contempt of court -- a U.S. record for the charge.

"We want you out of here right away," Mr. Chadwick, 73, said the official told him.

In 1995 -- the year "Apollo 13" was a box-office hit, O.J. Simpson was acquitted of murder and 169 people were killed in the bombing of an Oklahoma federal building -- Mr. Chadwick was a corporate lawyer who grew up in Bryn Mawr and became embroiled in a nasty divorce. In April that year, he was arrested by two sheriff's deputies at his dentist's dowtown Philadelphia office and landed in jail.

A Delaware County judge issued an order to jail Mr. Chadwick for failing to deposit $2.5 million in a court-controlled account that would be used to pay alimony to his ex-wife, Barbara "Bobbie" Applegate.

Mr. Chadwick contended he no longer had the money, saying he lost it in a bad overseas investment. The judge believed he hid the money after divorce proceedings were started. Court-ordered investigations after he was jailed turned up no money.

The couple were married for 15 years. Mr. Chadwick called their marriage happy; she said he was stubborn and controlled her every move.

Efforts to reach Ms. Applegate's attorney, Albert Momjian, yesterday were unsuccessful.

In yesterday's ruling, Judge Joseph P. Cronin said Mr. Chadwick had the ability to comply with the 1995 court order to make the bank deposit and willfully refused to do so. But, after 14 years, Judge Cronin said, the contempt order had lost its coercive effect and instead had become punitive.

At the prison yesterday, when Mr. Chadwick's attorney, Michael J. Malloy, arrived to pick him up, about 50 people -- prison staff, correction officers and inmates -- were gathered inside and out to see him off.

"It was pretty remarkable scene," said Mr. Malloy. He added people were crying, shaking hands and hugging Mr. Chadwick. When he walked out into the brilliant, blue sky day, Mr. Malloy said everyone applauded.

The two packed 14 years of clothes, books, magazines -- including Bon Appetit -- and boxes of legal filings into the backseat and trunk of Mr. Malloy's Honda Accord, and then they drove off.

"I really missed being free and being able to have interactions with other people," said Mr. Chadwick, who was dressed in a dapper green suit and maroon tie for the occasion. "Jail is really a very artificial society."

Later in Mr. Malloy's office, Mr. Chadwick talked about his legal battles, the judicial system, his life in prison and his future.

He said he held no anger about the imprisonment or toward his ex-wife, to whom he has not spoken in more than a decade.

"The dark moments always came when I had a turndown from some court," said Mr. Chadwick, who had repeatedly sought release over the years. He said he kept his spirits up helping others with their legal issues.

For more than six years, Mr. Malloy worked pro bono on the case.

"I always thought if I could take this to a jury, he would have been home in a week," said Mr. Malloy.

When Mr. Chadwick's son, William, 41, walked into the office, the two embraced.

"It was so tough to keep up hopes at these hearings," said William Chadwick.

"We were concentrating so much on getting him out, we haven't thought what we'd do immediately afterward."

Beatty Chadwick will stay at his son's house in King of Prussia until he can set up his own apartment. He has no firm plans beyond that.

"I have to get out and make a living," said Mr. Chadwick, who has no income other than Social Security.

He is considering possibly teaching, trying to see what he can do in a corporate advisory role, and he will try to get his law license reinstated.

"I'm really thinking about what I'm going to do with the rest of my life," Mr. Chadwick said.

He would like to use his "skills and talent and time" to benefit others.

As Mr. Chadwick walked outside to transfer his belongings into his son's Prius, a man driving a car along Veteran's Square in Media honked, cheered and gave the thumbs-up sign, all while hanging out the car window.

"Good job, buddy," said the former fellow inmate, who declined to give his name. "You deserve to be out." [Read the article]

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Victim #123: Courts Garnishing 65% of Social Security Income

The Florida courts can garnish up to 65% of ones Social Security. Regardless of this being your only income. My wife is receiving her first husbands SS and 65% of mine. Only married 12 years and no children together.

I raised her daughter from age 3. Life time alimony since 1986, $1,800.00 per month. Ran out of money so they elected to Garnish my SS. No other source of income. I'm now 74 and living on $399.10 per month. My EX is living on 1,750.00 per month. What a difference a gender makes.

By the way, I had a friend of mine in the Children & Families Department do a research on garnishment. Her is what she came up with:

The courts also play a part in this exhibition of prejudice. The fact that there is NO case in the state of Florida that identifies a WOMEN having her Social Security check garnished by the court to pay for life time alimony to her ex-hsband just screams with bias, prejudice and discrimination. This truly is gender bias and unfair treatment to me. I can support alimony for rehabilitation but not the right to lifetime alimony.

Florida courts reward laziness and call if lifetime alimony.

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Nursing Home Solution for Alimony Slaves

I was watching a documentary about the prison systems in the United States and the major problem they are having with aging prisoners. With the amount of prisoners being in the few millions across the country, more and more of them are getting up there in years and requiring nursing home type assistance. As a result, many prisons across the country are modernizing their prisons to accommodate these elderly care.

All that being said, since we are lifetime alimony payers under threat of prison time if we don't pay, I just realized we have one heck of an advantage over the general public. A few years ago I found out how expensive it was for nursing home care for my dad who eventually passed away. The least expensive one was 3500/month, something obviously I could not afford. My mom and I almost died ourselves giving my dad 24 hour care before he passed away.

So I now have my nursing home retirement plan in place. If I never get out of paying permanent alimony and when I can no longer take care of myself, all you have to do is stop paying, tell the judge you are not going to pay, you are in contempt of court and you are thrown in jail. They will need to place you in one of those prisons for elderly prisoners. Imagine, the tables are now turned and because of the states antiquated alimony laws, the final joke is on them since you control the "key" of release based on you paying alimony.

Justice in the end, my friends is finally served. The ex gets nothing and the state eventually takes care of you at their cost.......what a country!!!!

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Victim #122: Alimony Torture in Alabama

I returned from court today on my motion to amend, vacate, or new trial empty handed. My atty did a nice job presenting the "inequitable" distribution of assets-(I got all the debt and $400,000 marital tax debt)-she got the only asset, the house.

I did get $125,000 equitable "interest" but never get the money unless she sells the house- why should she??? I will be paying for it PERMANENTLY!!!!

The unfairness of$ 3,000.00 a month Permanent alimony for a 7 year marriage, no children was also brought up by my atty. The Judge stated that she would not change anything, that I was capable of getting back to work and making money, that $3,000.00 a month would not cripple me.

She states that my ex wife came into the marriage with $400,000 dollars-which my ex had when we married, and spent every penny living a lifestyle out of control,clothes, cars-Mercedes for her by the way, $50k on her mothers house, private school for her girls- all documented. Isn't it part of the law if you marry someone and spend your money, it isn't a separate estate??? How can the Judge ignore the facts?

My ex has a job making $50,000 a year and a teachers retirement,( she has a masters degree and a counseling degree) and will get her deceased 1st husbands Social Security-for a total of over $100,000 a year income. Go figure! I suppose the Judge believes my ex should get the money she spent back from me.

My atty says he can not understand the Judges decision, except for the fact she does not like me. Of course we must appeal. It is so incredibly difficult to function with injustice and think about being connected to someone so vindictive for a lifetime.

I'm in Alabama, does anyone know of anyone having to appeal or alimony torture in Alabama? How do you go on and have an American dream of "Freedom" and pursuit of happiness?? I must fight for Justice!

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Victim #121: Domestic Violence Traps

The night that I finally left the house when I was married and my ex was absolutely bonkers she threatened to call 911. I asked her why would she ever do that (I was so fricking naive). She said she was going to report that I hit her. I replied that I have never laid a hand on her in my life and that they will think she is nuts. She replied back that she would actually make sure she bruised herself before the police got there. I knew then that it was finally time for me to get a divorce but it goes to show to what extreme some crazy spouses will go to.

She never did call but rest assured if she had and they would have found self inflicted wounds on her, I would have been arrested and had a record for the rest of my life. That is why when I hear about Domestic Violence from a girlfriend or wife with a professional athlete, I now don't believe any of them although some may be true. I just remember back to that night and what happened with me and how easy it is for a guy to be set up.

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Victim #120: His Last Night in the House

My last night in the house.

Woke up at 9:00am to go to church with my two sons. I called the house afterward and my wife was not there. I took the boys bowling and then out to lunch. Called the house, still no wife. Ran some errands and went home. When I arrived, there were suit cases in the driveway. I asked her where she was going and she told me that she was going to the Fl. Keys for the week with the kids. She mentioned two weeks earlier that she wanted to go down for a weekend but never bought it back up. She was also going to take the only car. That means I had no ride in to work the next day (didn't matter to her).

She had been drinking and it was raining. I told her she should have made arrangements to rent a car or at least let me know, I could not be without a vehicle. She through the suitcases in the truck back seat. I reached in and took the keys out of the ignition. At the same time she grabbed for the keys and broke off the remote control for the alarm and then punched me in the mouth. God as my witness, I never so much as touched her!

So, here I am bleeding and she has been drinking. What do you do????? You call the cops and sit outside and wait for them. That's what they tell you to do on the show "Cops."

To make a long story short, they show up and see my lip and the blood on my shirt. She counters and says I grabbed her hand. The cops come over to me and tell me I have to leave. I complain and say "I called you and I was hit." He gets in my face and says that he will arrest us both if I don't leave.They also confiscate all my guns.

She files and receives a restraining order against me the next morning, even though I was at the court house before her and filed before her. I never step foot back in the house again.

I loose the kids, the house, my dignity and $240,000 in alimony over the next 10 years.

I have NO CONFIDENCE for Florida Family Court Law. If you are a guy, you are going to get Fucked! Offer a lump sum alimony payment and leave the state.

Damn the Judges, lawyers, forensic accountants and all the other whores of the court to hell.

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Victim #119: Florida Courts Create A Dilemma in New Mexico

I was divorced in Florida in Oct., 1999. This was a mediated divorce with a marital settlement agreement. I was convinced by lawyer and the mediator at the time, to accept and sign off on it. That agreement was accepted by the Florida court and became final at the above mentioned date. The divorce settlement agreement called for permanent, periodic alimony in the amount of $7,50in Florida. I was married for approximately 23 years.

In 2001 because of the recession, the Dot Com bust, and 9-11, my income dropped approx. 62%. I went for a modification of my alimony as allowed. After 9 months of legal wrangling I had my day in court attended by my attorney and a forensic CPA. After the hearing was over in West Palm Beach, Judge Phillips took the matter under advisement and went on a vacation. 5 weeks later he came back with his ruling and reduced my alimony by ZERO!

This through me into such a horrible state mentally that I was forced to leave my job and I ended up on disability for severe anxiety and depression. Since I was only making $7,500.00 to $8,500.00 per month at that time and worked solely off commissions and was still required to pay the full alimony of $7,500.00 per month, I knew it would be impossible to continue working because of the extreme pressure this put on me and I couldn't manufacture commissions. My disability was enough to cover the ongoing alimony payments plus support myself. The only problem was the disability had a finite term of 2 years.

After being on disability for 2 years and paying the required alimony continuously the disability ran out due to policy limitations. That was in March, 2005. Before this took place my attorney and I tried to negotiate a settlement with my ex-wife and her counsel back in August, 2004 giving them plenty of forewarning and proof that my only source of income would soon be ending and we were trying to be proactive and reach some sort of settlement before the income ran out. They refused to settle.

In early February, 2005 my attorney filed a motion for modification of my alimony and shortly thereafter informed me she could no longer represent me adequately and recommended I have another lawyer take over my case. After hiring another woman lawyer, she recommended I drop the modification hearing.

Her opinion was that even though I don't have an income any longer the judge would hypothecate an income based on my past earnings and I wouldn't be able to pay that anyway so what's the point of continuing with a modification hearing. She recommended we ignore the contempt charges being brought against me.

I instructed her to attend the contempt hearings and at the very least show the court the proof that my disability income had expired since the opposing counsel was claiming I had ongoing income and the continued ability to pay using an outdated financial affidavit of mine.

My lawyer had all the proof she needed to defend me but didn't provide any of it to the court and provided no defense on my part what-so-ever. She knew the information the opposition was presenting to the court was outdated and inaccurate but still provided no defense and let contempt charges be ruled against me. Further a hearing was held to obtain a judgment against me for all the arrearages to which she provided no defense. She told me there's nothing they could do since I lived out of state and therefore she had me covered.

Of course this was very far from being true. My ex-wife has now hired a New Mexico attorney and has put forth a motion to the New Mexico court to adopt/domesticate the Florida judgment. I have now been forced to hire an attorney of my own here in New Mexico to defend me.

We have filed a motion with the court here to stay all further proceedings here in New Mexico pending the outcome of the Pro Se motion I now have before the Florida courts. My motion before the Florida courts is to set aside the existing judgment and adjudications of contempt.

My motion is based upon the fact that I did not receive proper counsel or representation and was provided no defense. My motion also shows evidence that the opposing counsel had proof that my disability income had run out since they were previously provide such documents by my old attorney showing statements from my insurance company stating that no further income would be paid to me after March, 2005.

The opposing counsel ignored this evidence and falsely provide the court inaccurate, misleading information to obtain their order of contempt and their judgment against me. Again my Florida lawyer provided me with no defense.

I have requested the Florida court to let me attend the hearing on my motion via telephone. The opposition objected to my attending this hearing via the telephone basing their objection on the need to take my testimony and show me certain documents, etc.

There was a hearing held this morning, which I attended via the telephone, so the judge, Jeffrey Colbath, would decide whether to accept or reject my request to attend the hearing on the 19th via telephone. Unfortunately he sustained their objection and will not allow me to attend that hearing via the phone and I must appear in person. I obviously can't do that since I'm presently in contempt of court, have an existing judgment ordering me to pay arrearages and also an order that I should be taken into custody until I satisfy the outstanding judgment. I do not have the ability to pay this judgment and can't take the risk of being jailed.

I would like to follow through with my motion before the court to set aside the existing judgment and adjudications of contempt but don't know if I'd be able to do so by hiring another attorney to show up at the hearing to represent me. Especially now that the judge has refused my request to attend the hearing via telephone. Can in fact an attorney go to court without me being present and represent me in such a circumstance?

Also once the Florida thing is over and done, if I can't be successful in having the judge set aside the existing judgment and contempt charges it will come right back to the New Mexico court to be domesticated. I don't really know what sort of chance, if any, I would have in having the judge here not adopt this judgment and it then becomes a New Mexico judgment and I find myself in the same situation here. That is not having the ability to pay and then having to face being thrown in jail.

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Victim #118: A Second Wife's Complaint

I am a second wife. My husband earn a lot of money and half of his income today is going to 2 kids 11, 14(child support around 26K a year) and big money for alimony(30K a year). Ex wife work as part time job to maintain her luxery life style.

She has a boyfriend that they date for 3 years and she always stay with her boyfriend when my husband have to take care the kids. Kids stay with my husband 3-4 nights a week. In this case can the court consider that ex wife and her boy friend is in cohabitation.

Is anyway to drop the alimony ? My husband has to pay alimony til he retire. I don't think it is fair since his ex will date with this guy forever but don't live together in order to keep her big check.

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Victim #117: Down on the Farm

After a five-year battle, last year I was finally successful at getting my alimony reduced from $15,000 per month to $2,000 per month. It was only possible when the attorneys saw that there was no money left. Everything was gone, my business had been ruined and I was financially wiped out. My current wife and I also lost our home. We could no longer afford to live in Mass. and moved to Kentucky with our 2 children. We are renters now and live on a farm, but at least our life can move on.

I filed for bankruptcy here in Kentucky and last week I was at the bankruptcy court. The judge was looking over my papers and asked me how long I had to pay alimony. I said “Until I’m 62. I’m 46 now.” Upon leaving the courtroom, my attorney (a woman) looked at me in shock and said, “I can’t believe you have to pay $2,000 per month until you’re 62!!! That’s unbelievable!!! Can’t you get that reduced???”

…She has no idea

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Victim #116: Supporting the Ex-Husband

AMY WILLIAMS, 38, never imagined she'd end up a single mother of two paying alimony to an ex-husband. Yet that's exactly where the media executive found herself when her 10-year marriage dissolved in 2004.

During the early years of the relationship, Williams (whose name we changed due to privacy concerns) supported her husband while he completed his Ph.D. in history. The assumption, she says, was that he would find a job in academia. That day never arrived. He was unable to find work, but also didn't want to be the primary caregiver for their kids. So Williams paid for child care.

[Read more...]

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Victim # 115: A Veteran's Catch-22

I recently sent the information below, to Senator Bob Corker in Florida. I have a hard time believing that he actually read it. He said that I need to contact someone in Tennessee because it is in their jurisdiction. Tennessee tells me I have to contact Florida.

My case may seem minor to some, but after winding up in jail, and leading an all but impoverished lifestyle, to me it is not minor. Attorneys only want money even knowing they can’t help. Been there, lost. I feel as though I am stuck in a barrel with no way out, as other people continue to live quite well as a result of my hard work.

The following will explain and please excuse my bitterness with the American judicial system and the fairness in question of this particular law. I have been informed by certain Father’s rights groups that my case is very severe.

The Good (?), the bad and the extremely ugly: Florida alimony and my personal struggle to survive.

Throughout all of my research, I have determined one major factor that is agreed upon by many: alimony laws were created in favor of women with no regard for the ex-husband. I have found no exception.

The following will indicate my personal struggle and, will further justify my statement concerning the unfairness of the law.

After 14 years of marriage, and two children who were at that time, less than one year and four, I was divorced. Between alimony and child support, I got stung with an overweight price tag of $30,000 per year. Because I am not in the legal profession, I trusted the advice that I was paying for from my attorney. At the time, I owned a new business that was less than a year old, located in Tennessee where I later moved and still reside.

My adoring attorney recommended that I make the alimony non-modifiable in case my business turned into the next version of Microsoft. The problem was that it was a corporation owned by myself, and one partner. Each of us had two board members. His were his Dad and Brother, while mine were my ex-Father and Brother in-law. Needless to say, soon after the divorce, my members resigned and I was voted off the board and lost my company. I did receive severance, which I reinvested into another company that, lo and behold, failed one year later leaving me broke and almost indigent.

In a moment, I will discuss jail. Lets follow the progression. I will also mention credit, later. In addition to the $30,000 per year, she got the house, car and furniture. I got to keep my guitar and an antique bottle collection, which I later sold to eat.

She allowed the house payment to fall behind and received a notice of foreclosure. That's when one of my ex-best friends, with whom she had been having a little fling with (and not her first, but that's another story for another time), came to the rescue and purchased the house. Since she had nowhere else to live, it only made sense for her to move in with him so he could turn around and sell the house that he just purchased for a unbelievable bargain, realizing a handsome profit that I never saw one penney of. After all, on his annual salary of $300,000 per year, he had a big enough place. Hey, bring the kids too! Did it affect my Florida alimony? No, remember, it's non-modifiable.

About a year later the happy couple tied the knot. My alimony stayed the same. I should also make note of how my ex-wife has never worked again since the divorce even though she is ten years younger than me and has some highly marketable skills. She claimed she couldn't work anymore because of the kids. No problem, I'll take them. Yeah, right!

Back to my second business failing. I remarried about two years after the divorce. It's just my wife and I. Fortunately I found gainful employment the day prior to our getting evicted, after my second business failed. But, of course the child support and alimony fell behind, even though I sent a few dollars now and then as I could.

My wife and I budgeted $20 per week for food. Long story short, I got summoned to court in Florida, where I was promptly handcuffed by order of the judge who has lunch frequently with my ex-wife's attorney. This takes place in that kind of town. She could afford a very expensive attorney, I couldn't. Even if I could afford a great one, nobody in this Florida town wants to go up against her attorney. Guess who got locked up. Yep, you got it.

I'm told that later that night, my ex and her spouse went to the country club where they are members, for a steak dinner and a glass of fine wine. Ever try jail food? My sister bailed me out the following day and I left Florida without saying goodbye to the kids, tail between my legs.

I work now and I work hard. Most days, I average 15 to 17 hours. I make $70,000 and continue to give her $30,000 of it to add to her household income leaving them the unfortunate task of learning to live on $333,000 a year. Oh yeah, until the divorce was final, I would send her most of my income to pay the bills that she didn't pay. Guess who has no credit.

Now it gets bleak. Knowing that there was no a way out for me, and the fact that my daughter was so young when the divorce took place, my ex asked me if her husband could adopt her. At first I was furious and said no but then thought about my daughter. Just starting school it would be easier for her if she shared a common last name. It would be easier for Doctors notes, passports and etc. She called the guy Dad anyway and listened to bad things being said about her real Dad around her house.

Then my ex offered me something. If I agreed to this, she would discontinue receiving alimony and I would only pay child support for one child. She told me that I could see my daughter anytime I wanted. So, it was done. No criticism please. I doubt you could understand the pain that I still face every day of my life. But it was a chance to finally provide the life for my wife that she deserves. This all had to be done in sequence because an adoption cannot be done because of money.

In actually, this adoption wasn't about money, but it was an offer that I couldn't refuse, I accepted the offer and she drafted it. After the adoption, she failed to follow through and I can't even get in touch with her now. The last thing I heard, her attorney asked the question of her, "Why would you want to do that"?

My wife and I continue to struggle in our 600 sq. ft. home in a major city where life is by no means cheap. The sad thing is, it shouldn't be this way. What she receives from me is play money for their many trips. Of course I can't modify my payment to her, even upon death! Figure that one out.

In addition to being broke, its humiliating to go through life being embarrassed and knowing you are getting laughed at by the people taking advantage of you. You know, the happy family that lives in the big house and drive new cars. I'm ashamed to invite friends to my house and I pay an enormous amount each month for my car because of my credit rating. I continue to "bust my tail" to fund their luxuries. I'm surprised I can even spell the word luxry (See there I have a hard time with it)

As a loyal American and 14-year military veteran, I have the right to say that alimony laws are ridiculously unjust. So here I am, no way out, and not enough money for a powerful attorney even if there were a way out. Guess it's back to the VA Clinic for some more paxel and Valium. I've been on them for quite some time now. My next step in join my fellow exiles that have had to leave the USA in order to have any kind of a respectable life.

Please do not suggest that I contact the Congressman for that district of Florida. My ex’s husband is a contributor to his campaign and I believe that his firm does that Congressman’s taxes.

I suppose my next question should be addressed to congress. Does anyone in the country that I defended for 14 years care about this injustice. As I see it now, the answer is no. Do you? Probably not if you haven’t filled the shoes of countless divorced men who have either left the country, changed their identity or continue to suffer without warrant.

Perhaps someday I will find someone in a government position who cares more about justice and humanity than their political career and attaining votes. This judgment can be overturned, but it will take Congress to do so. Till then I remain a prisoner of a court system that has no morals.

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Insider Backlash to the Feminist Movement

This insider article says it all and represents the backlash that the feminist movement has created.

Rebecca Walker, daughter of trail-blazing feminist author Alice Walker tells her story of life with her mother and the resulting fallout that feminism is generating in our society.
[Read the article here....]

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Victim #114: Don't Make These Mistakes

At the time of my divorce (it took 2 years) the judge granted alimony payments of $2800.00 per month to my ex-wife. That figure was based on my annual income (the most I have ever made in a year) of $130,000.00. Since that date, I have not come near that number.

Due to a management change at my employment, I was asked to step down from my position in 2004, which paid 85,000 annually, to a position that paid 30,000. (the then location manager and I did not see eye to eye). I could not survive with that pay, so I resigned (huge mistake).

Since I signed a paper stating that I resigned, it was used in my modification hearing as a means of proving that I deliberately reduced my income. I had even called in the district manager to verify my story, but because I signed that paper, I was doomed. Shortly after I left, the then location manager was let go and I was hired back, but into sales (construction materials). The construction industry is depressed and I am currently making 65,000.00 per year.

While I was between jobs, and working a temporary job, I fell behind on my alimony. There were some paycheck that I received in which alimony was deducted and I was left with a two week take home of $90.00.

Not only was my modification denied, but the judge found me to be in arrears $14,000.00. As I soon found out, at the time of my divorce, I was ordered to pay 2 months of alimony up front while the payroll deduction order was processed.

This payment was given to her attorney and then given to her (another mistake.. At no time should any payments be made except through the clerk of court) I am still unable to receive credit for this payment.

I have since remarried and with the help of my wife, have borrowed money to make up the arrearage as we can. (another mistake I made was to make a lump sum payment on the arrearage thinking that I was prepaying.....it cannot be prepaid.....the judge considers it to be similar to a credit card and the lump sum payment only brought the balance down. I still have to make additional monthly payments.

I have been sent to jail for contempt twice. My attorney has now dropped me and I have lost our house because I have no way of paying (for some reason, the judge keeps making me pay the attorney fees of my ex-wife).

I have another court date tomorrow and have asked the opposing counsel to postpone for 30 days to see if I can get some type of legal counsel.

To sum up.....never quit(or resign) your job for any reason.....never make alimony payments except through the clerk of court.....and never pay more than you need to when you need to.

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Victim #113: A Victim of an Online Affair

In 2005, After being married for 7 years I discovered that my wife was having an "on line" affair with a (married) guy that worked at another division of the company she worked for. Not only that but, they were planning a "wild sexual" rendezvous at the upcoming week long conference in Florida. I confronted her about it the day before the conference and told her she needed to find another place to live when she got back from the conference. I also called the other guys wife and told her what was going on and supplied her with copies of all the juicy e-mails. To this day I still think this guy has to sleep in the car a couple of nights a week when his wife brings it up.

Now on to the legal proceedings....

By the time she got back from the conference, I had rented an apartment and had started moving. She did the same. We disposed of our house in which we had no equity. It was my plan for me to file for the divorce. After about 3 or 4 months after the separation, my company didn't renew my contract and I was out of a job. No fault of my own.

After about 2-3 months interviewing for a new job, the wife calls and says she's going to get the divorce so she can get along with her life. Fine no problem. I even agreed to pay for half. It was to be a simple divorce and she didn't want anything from me but to be free. A few days before the divorce, I had to be out of town for an interview in another city and was not able to be at the divorce hearing. I figured no problem I'll just get the final divorce notice in the mail and that will be the end of it.

In about 10 days or so, I got the final decree and the judge granted the divorce along with $200.00 per week in transitional alimony for 2 years. Looking through the decree, I saw my income reported as "$0.00 and unemployed". I saw her income as employed and at $32,000. Prior to being laid off I was at $73K.

Neither one of us owe any serious money and she has more income now that when we got married. She also said she didn't ask for the alimony but the judge JUST GAVE it to her. I didn't have money at the time for a lawyer to appeal within the 30 day period and was unemployed for about 9 months.

She has since filed a contempt order asking for the back alimony. I have to be in court the 18th of this month. I don't know if I should bring up the fact that she verbally told me she would not ask for alimony, or maybe verify that I have been unemployed during most of this time, or challenge the fact that she has a college degree and was working during ALL of this time and actually her "life style has in fact has improved continuously since we got married in the first place. BTW, my new income is now at $60K. a $13K decrease.

Victim #112: A Letter to the Florida Legislators

I am writing to you because Governor Bush suggested that it would be a good idea to let everyone in the legislature know what is going on.

After my recent correspondence with Mr. Bush, outlining some of the injustices to the common men/women of Florida who are required to pay "lifetime" alimony; I am hoping that it is NOT as everyone says it is----"a legal scam" etc, and just that somehow, someway things got out of balance and that the good people in the legislature will look long and hard at what is happening in the "real world". The judges and courts are really just following the laws that are in place---soooo in reality, it isn't ALL their fault...however---something needs to be done about the laws and real quick!!!

I am NOT a wealthy entrepreneur or upscale executive. Just a commoner---an estimator that works for a Masonry Contractor making about $60,000 per year. Out of this annual salary which nets me about $3500 per month, I pay $2500 in Child Support ( 2 children/$1500) and Permanent alimony ($1000 per month) to my former spouse, leaving me to exist on $1000 per month for myself. In case anyone has looked around lately, this is not enough to even get me a studio apt. to live in, let alone food or medical expenses--

I have been living in limbo with friends for 5 years---in their guest room. This isn't temporary and I am NOT a young man---48 years old, so chances are my salary isn't going to increase---it would be more likely to decrease. Do you know what happens then?....this is really baaaddd.....because the court "requires" that I stay at this salary level for the rest of my life in order to pay my former spouse what is "due" to her. Now what is fair about this, I'm not sure? ...and what is going to happen to me when I retire and collect Social Security...if I have to pay $1000 per month---then what???...I will possibly have $20 per month to live on???

My former spouse, on the other hand, has decided that since she gets $1000 per month after taxes for the rest of her life, she really doesn't have much incentive to return to the workforce in any capacity and works at jobs that are cash, so they don't have to be reported and can't e tracked. So she can just sit back and collect money and really has no initiative while I work 80 hours per weeks to support her. Are we "divorced"??...I thought so---but why then, am I paying HER for as long as I live?? Something is "grossly" wrong and I am hoping that you ALL can get things under control a bit.

Please take a close look at Texas Alimony law. There is a 3-year cap. There is a fixed maximum amount. That makes sense. Sometimes, I understand that there is a need for certain individuals whether/men or women to rehabilitate in order to reenter the workforce. That is understandable and I support some assistance for a short period of time. I---however, have already been paying for 5 years with no possible end in sight. Read on--- below for the nightmare on Child Support.

I am NOT alone....there are many, many MEN and WOMEN---yessss there are women too--- just like me here in Florida who are required to pay someone FOREVER!!! If I was your son/daughter, I know that you would possibly look at this differently...paying someone they were "formerly" married too---for the rest of their lives. So please give this some consideration.

This is NOT child support---this is ALIMONY---PERMANENT ALIMONY should not be a permanent vacation ticket for either party of a dissolved marriage. NO ONE should be required to do anything "forever"---after all, we are not even guaranteed jobs "forever", so how can we be required to pay someone else from our non-guaranteed salary?

Now---if there wasn't enough salt in the wound, when my daughter reached the age of majority, I called the Courthouse, sent proof of her age and asked that Child Support for her be stopped. That was over two years ago. I was told that the way the dissolution was structured, I would have to reapproach the courts to "modify" the amount of Child Support I was paying. Now ---call me "simple"....but here we go---$1500 divided by 2 = $750....hey if you even want to add $100 or something into it---OK?...but what I have to pay to go back to court?

I tried to save attorney fees and file ProSe...if you have ever tried to do this---"good luck"...my former wife's attorney pulled some---something...whatever???---it got dismissed. I tried again to negotiate with the help of a Father's resource group and have them negotiate with the former wife. To NO avail---she refused to accept a reduction and wants to get the same amount for one child that she got for two.

$400 later and no more luck, I tried to file again Pro Se, borrowed money to retain an attorney $3500---through stalling of my former wife's attorney and her refusal to submit financials, the $3500 is almost gone and we haven't even gotten to mediation. If you keep in mind---this is ALL to stop Child Support for a Child that is NOW 20 years old, has been gainfully employed working two jobs since she was 18 with my former spouse collecting the child support money.

I need someone---someplace to crack down on these "deadbeat spouses"....forget about the deadbeat dads---it's not just one gender that is abusing the system ---ok???!!

Please take this seriously and take a good hard look at what is going on within the system!!

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Victim #111: Lifetime Alimony of $3,000/mo. Supports Cohabitating Ex-Wife

My father-in-law has just lost a case in Florida to eliminate or reduce his Alimony payments. Fifty percent of his paycheck goes to his ex-wife. He was originally paying child support which after their youngest turned 18 she had the child support rolled over into alimony payments. He has been paying alimony for 8 years and has been ordered to pay until he is 65.

His ex-wife has been living with a man for the last 6 years. She only works part-time and they both are living off the $3,000 a month she gets in alimony. For these reasons he took her back to court to eliminate or reduce alimony and lost. (I was there during the court hearing and I thought his attorney did a poor job.) The judge's response was that he had no cause for the lawsuit. So, he now has to pay her $10,000 in attorney's fees.

My husband and I are searching for a firm that specializes in this type of situation or information on what his father can now do. Money is an issue for him now due to the circumstances and the ruling.

Any advice or who we can contact for help would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you,

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Victim #110: Women Should Grow Up and Support Themselves

My very wonderful husband really got taken to the cleaners in his divorce. He was married to his ex for 19 years when they seperated. He let her stay in the house while he lived in a hotel. He sent money every month even before the courts ordered him to.

Because his lawyer told him it would pay off in the end. He paid all the bills untill he couldn't pay anymore and finally had to file bankrupcy and forecloser on the house whil she refussed to get a job.

His lawyer never showed up for the pretrial, so the judge ordered him to pay $1,200 a month plus all the utilites. My husband had to get a new attorney and the judge made his final judgement while saying that my husband should have picked a better attoney and then he wouldn't be getting so screwed.

$1,200 a month, life insurance, college for thier 23 year old, and her attorney fees. All alimony for life or until she remarries. Not fair.

How can a state award a woman who choses not to work that much money a month, but will allow a father to get a way with $49 dollars a week to raise a child? That is what I get for my child. The state needs to do something about this. There needs to be fairness in the world. I don't want my child to grow up, get married, realize that maybe they made a mistake, and have to pay for the rest of his life.

Plus what really angers me is that I belive that women have come further than this in the world. We are self-sufficent human beings and we don't need an ex husbands money to make a success out of your life.

I wish I had more child support for my child, but I don't need it. I give him all that he needs, it just would help with the wants. But women that are grown and have childeren who are grown up, should grow up themselves and support themselves. This is how I feel.

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Victim #109: Good Men Forced To Leave The U.S.

This forum has brought me some sense that I'm not alone. That has given me comfort. I have grown greatly from the experience. It speaks of the pressures I face, and many others face, the liberties that can be taken away, and they are serious mental burdens, and they impact the most important things in life--friends, family and children, and freedom.

Children should have both parents always, and men should remain productive and not penalized because they have been amazing at their careers. So many men have left the US and are planning to leave the US . . . good men, who care about their families. Why do they have to go? It's the US family law system. That's what it is.

I guess because I'm a lawyer, many have asked me to take the soap box and speak for all those that suffer, from greedy women. I am getting closer to that. I know now I have a calling, for good decent men, and for children suffering from Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS). The stories I've heard, oh my.

There is a class of American women that are so disgustingly greedy, lazy and yes, evil. The court system has embraced this. The people I've spoken to by the phone, especially over the past few weeks. It's a crazy scene that I know is ripe for a documentary, a book (I've written two), a TV news piece . . . it's a story that needs to be told.

The family law legal system in the US is archane, outdated and unjust, especially when one considers our founding fathers' basic principals about equality, freedom, and the pursuit to happiness. Good productive, loving, caring men should not have to leave the country to be able to support themselves and live and breathe.

I've spoken to so many men that have left the US, or are considering leaving. I'm a lawyer/writer/artist/musician, and I feel, like many have said, I am the guy that needs to stand up and fight this war, to enlighten all, across the globe, to show that change needs to happen within the legal system and within our contemporary society. I am ready.

I'm outside the country now, missing my family, but that's what I have had to do to escape the greedy, evil whore that pounds me every day (today including--she filed AGAIN today for more costs and legal fees--it's been over two years now) for money that doesn't exist, and the legal fees which are endless for her and for me . . . it's been over $100,000 to date. Insanity.

I'm a professional that used to make 6 figures. Now, outside the country, for the first time in two years, and after she told me she wanted a divorce (oh, on the day of my father's funeral!), for the first time, I'm not sleeping on an air mattress living with crazy roommates I do not know. I eat beans and rice daily, but I'm happy to be away from the evil ICE PRINCESS.

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Victim #108: Lawyers Are of Little Help

I have hired my second lawyer in the town of Enterprise, Alabama. Me and my husband are out $4,400.00 and 10 trips to Alabama on fighting alimony and college support for his daughter. He has two kids, one 19 and the other soon to be 21. We are also trying to get support stopped on his 20 year old son.

My husband is in the Army and works 18 hours a day and is getting tore up. He has made 10 trips back home to meet with lawyers and court and nothing gets done.

He was paying alimony but his daughter turned 19 on March 30,2009 and now his ex wants to modify and get alimony for 3 more years. The divorce says she gets it until she re-marries, co-habitats or when the children turn the majority age. Well they have so how can she keep getting? Please help me, I can't get my lawyer to call us, he took our check but has been no help.

I had to call the court house to find out she filed February 19 ,2009 for this and the post-majority for college. My husband had an appointment with him on March 25, 2009 and HE DID NOT EVEN MENTION THIS TO US.

PLEASE HELP MY HUSBAND, HE HAS WORKED SO HARD AND HAS GIVE UP EVERYTHING FOR HER AND HIS KIDS. HE NEEDS SOMEONE TO STAND UP FOR HIM.

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Victim # 107: Problem With Foreign Wife

I have a good one for you,

June 30 2005 I was married to a Ukrainian woman in the Ukraine. I helped her immigrate to the United States and even helped her get her drivers license and SSN.

I was working in Iraq and had planed on finishing up and coming home to live happy ever after. I was home three days in June of 2008 when she hit me with a protective order with a court date that was after my return to work date in Iraq. I got a lawyer and he entered an agreement with no court finding of abuse (I was already back in Iraq) I was not present to defend myself.

I filed for a divorce realizing I have been the victim of a scam. The long story short, she got a free ride to the states and $24,000 in alimony. Not to mention she has already filed contempt of court charges because after my hearing in February of 2009, she was still under the protective order and the court ordered me to make payments to her. No address, no telephone number, no information at all, and no way for me under a protective order to get any info. The courts didn’t even provide as much as a post office box number. Prime example of West Virginia Justice.

During the divorce I had the woman investigated in the Ukraine, came to find out she was a former prostitute and was even arrested by the KGB once for selling stolen property. Gave the info to the department of homeland security and the USCIS. They did nothing but plug me into the county West Virginia Sheriff's dept. By the way, her best friend is a deputy in the county Sheriffs dept.

This woman even hired a translator and pretended not to speak English in front of the judge at my final divorce hearing. The story about this woman only gets worse as I go on. But even that I have offered to take and pay for a polygraph test, my lawyer said it would do no good.

I only have $13,000 to go before I am finished with alimony. I just hope I don’t get tossed into jail before I finish paying it off. This woman even had my marriage expunged from the local court house in Lutsk, Ukraine before I even had a chance to file for a divorce in the United States! Complete scam artist and getting a free ride courtesy of the West Virginia Family Law Judge!

It would be nice if 20/20 or Prime time got a hold of my story. Not to mention the lady that needed a translator left my house with her best friend the sheriffs deputy, and though she can’t speak English in front of the judge, she done a darn good job making me look like a mad man on the protective order. Her buddy the deputy may have helped (what do you think?) This is so insane and stupid.

I am in Iraq at this moment. She cleaned thousands out of my account then when I returned home from Iraq for a 10 day vacation, all the food was rotten in the house, there was mouse crap on everything. the grass in the front yard was waist high, and no one was living at my house!

It was a total scam from the get go. She is advertising on the internet to this day looking for a husband/victim! Olga C. of Lutsk, Ukraine. Come to find out she was even a PROSTITUTE in her home town! YUCK! she acted like a perfect person. It was her job.

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Victim #106: Alimony Unfair in New Jersey

In New Jersey, as in most states, unless your Property Settlement Agreement states otherwise, parties can go back into court to get support orders modified based on changed circumstances. In my "agreement," which I felt was extorted from me, I "agreed" to pay a fixed rate of alimony for a term of 8 years, then it ends, and we agreed that neither of us could go back to court to have it changed based on changed circumstances. So in my situation, I would get to keep my lottery winnings and my parasite ex-wife would get none of it.

In Jersey they also look at the "marital lifestyle," and the support award is supposed to allow both parties to lead the same "marital lifestyle" as before the divorce. Fat chance when only one of them had much of a paying job during the marriage. So again, assuming the parties could go to court for a modification based on changed circumstances, if the wife was already living the "marital lifestyle," then she wouldn't be entitled to a piece of the lottery winnings (but your kids would, so child support would increase). But if she wasn't living the "marital lifestyle," then the lottery winnings would be changed circumstances and she could get a piece of it to get her up to the "marital lifestyle."

The unfairness of all this, aside from the fact that alimony even exists in the first place, is that when a man gets laid off or changes jobs and gets paid less, or retires, 9 out of 10 times the courts won't allow a decrease in alimony and will impute income to the man, or will say he is deliberately underemployed, capable of earning more, and won't want to "disadvantage" the ex-wife because the man now has a lower paying job, or has retired.

That is the main reason I "agreed" to pay alimony for 8 years at a fixed extortionate rate. I felt it was better than a court maybe awarding my parasite ex-wife lifetime alimony, and then me getting hauled into court every few years if my salary increased, or if I won a lottery or came into an inheritance.

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Victim #105: Disabled Person Treated Like A Criminal

i need help badly..just finished hearing after i was 100% disabled, to abolish alimony(1750.00) a month.

my reduced income(disability) is 3700.00 per month part from disability insurance i had at work.. and approx 1900.00 from social security disability..i have a 401 k acct and an ira acct..both awarded to me through the original divorce.. that is all the monies i have..

at the time of the last hearing i had 1600.00 in checking..and 100.00 in savings..telling you this so you know what the judge had to look at..

wife is working and very healthy no ills or medical problems.. two years of college..divorce was because of her abuse(not documented by law enforcement) of our son at the time of the divorce 17 yrs. old.

to cut to the chase.. at the divorce..the judge gave her the house and 2wo of the three cars..the third car,my son's, is what i was given.. and i had 2500.00 in checking no savings..he made me pay her lawyer the 2500.00..effectively putting me in the street homeless and penniless with my only monies to be my next paycheck...

i certainly couldn't use my 401 or ira accts..i would lose a third for early withdrawl and taxes..not withstanding i would/might need that money for emergency use..

divorce was march of 04..disabled with chronic emphysema(which is terminal) the following nov...no mony for 4 months...i stopped alimony pmts..in nov..( i had no income)..

hearing was put off several times till feb 06..judge ordered approx 26,000 in arrearages plus a continuation of 1750.00 per month plus her health insurance approx 300.00 a month...the total per month is 54% of my disability income..leaving me approx 1600.00 per month.

my only recourse in paying the arrearages..as he was well aware.. was to cash in my 401 k... i have no personal health insurance because the cost is prohibitive with all my other expenses..also not eligible for medicare for two years from disablement..so i was intending to use the retirement accounts as a safeguard against medical costs..my disease 'will' get worse..not better...

my son was locked out of his mother's house the week of his 18th b-day.. we had joint custody..i was a tugboat captain and away at work at the time..she literally put him in the street...he was still in high school at the time...he was able to make it out to the county to the shack i had managed to acquire (built in 1958..it really is a shack)and had very little to eat and no amenities..like air condition or even a selection of food..of which there was very little..

anyway.. i now face an appeal.. and if not overturned..contempt charges and jail time..for the second time i'm to be indigent and homeless.. for what? a mean vindictive woman..that abused our child?

i was a good husband and i'm a great father..i have been a hard working honest citizen all my life..only to end up a criminal in my dying days ? for what?.. my present home/shack is in alabama.

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Victim #104: No Good Deed Goes Unpunished

As of Jan 31, 09 I have been separated from my wife for one year. The separation was my idea and a darn good one, our marriage was over 2 yrs into it. The following 7 yrs were out of necessity on her behalf, after she was diagnosed with breast cancer.

Who knows, maybe we thought things might change for us, the only thing that changed was she got use to not working. She is cancer free over 6 yrs now and I'm happy for her.

At the time of our separation, we entered into an agreement which was not court ordered. I was actually proud of us, hence we finally grew up. I asked her to leave Nov 07, told her to take her time. She did until Jan 08. I told her to take whatever she wanted...she did, I made sure she would not have a car payment and signed over our truck to her. She wanted our pet cats / yes she took them as well.

Our agreement was for an exorbitant amount of money considering my income, But I wanted to give her that boost she claimed she needed to re- establish herself as an independent again, and the fact that she was going to force me to have her evicted if I didn’t agree.

She took a copy of our agreement to an attorney to have notarized and witnessed which was fine with me. I wanted her to feel secure with it. BIG MISTAKE!!

She has worked part time for 3 yrs now. Before that and during her recovery she worked mostly with me doing odd jobs painting houses and such.

Now she claims she cant work full time and she suffers from depression. She was depressed when I met her.

So here's the break-down: I gross $33,000 yearly after all standard deductions including her health insurance. My net take home is $1,634. My monthly expenses w/car payment and allowing $150 per month for food come to $1,684. Oops, did I miss something here? Where is the $800 per month the court has just ordered me to pay her? Oh yes, lets not forget the attorney fees which I just inherited of $2,500.

Here's my take, I have zero savings/zero assets/zero investments/ obviously there is no money in my checking acct from month to month. I'm told...well Mr. brown that’s your problem. When I went to court they treated me like a common criminal. When all I've tried to do is help this person and I told her we have to keep the lawyers out of it or we will be spending money we don’t have just to line their pockets, she thinks they are her friends.

I asked her if they are your friends, then maybe they will pay you support while I'm doing time for contempt, for non-compliance. I am appalled at this system it is so ridiculous. After reading the 13th amendment, I'm really mad, we have got to do something. I feel so violated.

I'm a maintenance supervisor for an apt. complex. I make very little money, I'm honest / I like helping people / which is one thing my wife despised about me...too bad.

Sincerely Fed up & Disgusted and disappointed in my Government.

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Victim # 103: Lifetime Alimony is Just a Symptom of a Greater Evil

Slavery is wrong even if you're given a time period to eventually purchase your freedom. I would point out that the real devil here isn't just alimony or child support or court ordered costs, restraining orders, etc.

All of these are symptoms of one very real, very pernicious problem: government involvement in family affairs. Anytime you introduce force and violence (government) into family matters and empower one party with the full force of law you turn every petty dispute into nuclear war.

Think about it. If I am a woman I am legally empowered to destroy my mates life if he pisses me off. I can have him imprisoned at will, banned from his home, banned from his children, impoverished, and enslaved for my benefit (and my boyfriend(s)) benefit and I can force him to pay for it all and its all legal.

Think about how a man must feel to have another man move into HIS house, be screwing HIS wife, be abusing HIS children, and HE must pay for it all. This is a COMMON scenario and the USA has the gall to help this situation! It is a miracle that more lethal violence hasn't occurred.

In places like Saudi Arabia women are treated poorly so says the world because they can be sent away with just the clothes on their backs from a marriage. They will then get to see the children only 50% of the time and will only be entitled to a minor stipend. The world calls labels this horrific. Men have it much MUCH worse every where else in the western world and possibly the worst in the usa as america embraces prison far more than other countries.

Lifetime alimony is just a symptom, a minor symptom, of the government replacing the social institution of marriage and like everything else the government touches it has become a morass of politics and evil. Get the government out of marriage completely and the problems go away. Alimony by definition becomes an agreement not something mandated by some black robed whore backed up by the jackbooted thuggery of the state.

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Victim #102: Desperate in Louisiana

I have been divorced for nearly 6 years. I have a son, and I pay child support and alimony. My ex- is disabled, blind from diabetic complications. She has also had a kidney/pancreas transplant. Her dad is a judge in the appeals court in LA.

I lost everything to Hurricane Katrina, yet continued to pay as much as I could (child and spousal support.) My ex- and her dad took me to court and won a judgement against an amount in arrears. Now, half my income is garnished. The DA and his chief of enforcement are “life-long” friends of my ex-father in law, so I have been screwed severely.

Threatening calls to me and my job, I only hear about court dates a couple of days in advance, and I am kept from my son for weeks at a time. It is not fair. I am hesitant to involve the police, because I do not want my son to go through that kind of trauma. He takes care of his mom, and she has most definitely “espousified” him.

I have another court date in days, and I have run out of money. My ex- and her dad sent my son to a more expensive, private school, even though I told them I could not afford it. I am so sad over not seeing my son, and so stressed over being threatened and treated unfairly, that I just don’t know what to do.

I pray you can help-

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Help For The Self-Represented Person In Court

Would you go into combat unarmed? Are you intimidated with the legal processes?

For those of you reading these stories, I'm sure you can hear the hoplessness of the victims. Many don't know which way to turn and are lost in the legal swamp, totally bogged down in some quicksand.

Wouldn't it be nice if there was a way for a person who can't afford a lawyer and has no other option but to represent themselves pro se [without legal assistance] to have some sort of guidelines as to how they can face the courts with some degree of confidence.

Let's face it, legal proceedures and the law is not rocket science. Every day approximately three quaters of the people who show up in family law courts cannot afford a lawyer. Quite often they are left to their own resources to handle their own case. These people keep reinventing the wheel each time.

Now, for the first time, there are books available to help you understand the system. They were written by someone who had to learn in the school of hard knocks what was required and how to handle to proceedings. Some of the lessons are those you don't find in any other books.

Since child support is regulated by state guidelines and is fairly inflexible, these books concern themselves only with alimony. With alimony, you will eventually be faced with the prospect of wanting to reduce or eliminate it. Or, your ability to make payments will be curtailed and you will be faced with a contempt of court order mandating that you either pay up, convince the court that you are unable to pay, or, you will be incarcerated.

In those situations, your best bet is to get the following books to guide your way as to what to do, when to do it, and how to do it. The are written in layman's language that is easily understood. The purpose of the book is to teach you not only how to understand what is going on, but how to learn what you need to know.

If you are faced with the above situations, you will definitely want to get these books:

How To Modify Your Alimony Payments

How To Defend Yourself In Contempt Of Court Hearings

How To Appeal In State Court Of Appeals

Check these books out today. You'll be glad you did. It will increase your chances of success in court.

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Victim 101: Destitute in NJ

I am looking for anyone that guide me into a site or organization that can assist me in NJ where my divorce happened 10+ years ago.

The award to her was so unbalanced (Over $3000 per month including half of my disability, + alimony, and double child support and they are now 24 & 21 yrs old).

For 10 years I have not earned anywhere near what I did when the divorce happened and in the last 8 months have not earned a dime. My last $1791 was just attached by NJ and I am now destitue and about to be on the street.

I have no ability to get unemployment (I was 1099), and I have been paying off the IRS for her failure to delcare taxes and I got stuck with the penalties, so I cannot get anything such as welfare, etc.

I am destitute and after a lifetime of community service, I am truly about to become a street person. If I can find an organiztion that can get me in front of a judge in NJ under an emergent nature (they are telling me that it will be at least until the end of April or early May) I could make my own motion to the judge.

I need help desperately and I need it soon. Can you direct me somewhere for leagl help so that I can get in front of a judge asap?

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Victim #100: A Second Wife Speaks Out

To whom it may concern.

I am a second wife. My husband pays permanent alimony to his first wife. The first time I heard about permanent alimony was during my divorce from my first husband 15 years ago. My attorney brought it to my attention, and felt we should persue this in the settlement agreement. After all I was married for 14 years. The whole concept sounded as proposterous to me then as it does today, and it gave me the creeps quite frankly.

Even though there was no love lost for the soon to be ex-husband, my sense of fairness was offenend and I did not lower myself to persuing this. I declined all rights to permanent or temporary alimony, and my attorney was not very happy with me. While it has not always been easy for me in the years that followed, and while I recognize that 3-4 years of rehabilatative alimony is absolutely appropriate (I should have asked for that), there is NO reason for permanent alimony. I find this law offensive for many reasons and like to state why I do.

*It is unconstitutional and prevents the afflicted person (as well as his new wife and possible new family) to live life the way they would like to. The lifelong finanical burden keeps the ex-spouse (short of beeing independently wealthy, and most ex-spouses are not independently wealthy but hard working citizens), a slave to his job. The opportunity to persue life and happiness as he/they would like has been taken away. The ex-wife and ex-husband at one time had the right and freedom to spend as they saw fit, to save as they deemed necessary, to work on building their dream as they envisioned it, since their money was their money. Not so with permanent alimony...in our case $3,5000.00 goes right out the door to the ex, every month, year in and out. NO END in sight.

It is a harsher sentence in some cases then a prisoner receives for crime. Prisoners at some point get parole and a fresh start. The ex-spouse remains financially tied down to the former spouse and is denied the chance to live life independently. Some divorces are mistakes, we all make them, they get settled in court and then you move on. A mistake or delusion of marriage should not be punished with a life long sentence. That is an absurd concept and simply NOT APPROPRIATE.

*When medical emergencies arise, no matter what, the alimony has to be paid first. In my case I was diagnosed with breast cancer 5 years ago and while we had medical coverage, alternative and certain surgical treatments were not or only partially covered. We ended up with about $20,000.00 out of pocket expenses...money we did not have and money we had to go further into debt for....BUT hey, she got her alimony while sitting around doing nothing.

*It is expected essentially of the ex-spouse to support 2 households. At $42,000.00 a year in permanent alimony, (that is the amount in my husbands case) that is roughly I believe the average income many people actually work for, she sits around, is miserable, BUT does nothing.

*Even if the second marriage is longer in years then the first marriage, the ex-wife wife always comes first because NO matter what, alimony has to be paid to her before all else..

*It puts undue pressure and financial concerns for life on the second wife as it does on her now husband. It leaves the second wife with the feeling of having to share her husband. The marriage turns into a trio.

*It does not allow for the ex-spouse to financially move on. That also afflicts the new family. ALIMONY first...always...for life...no matter what.

*There is no longer a use for this archaic law that once meant to protect woman. Woman today are educated. Many ex-spounses collecting alimony are college educated (my husbands ex has degrees). Yet she does absolutely nothing BUT collect alimony, and she like many others, will never do anything because of this financial perk. Many were not divorced at old age but in the prime of their lives, when going back to work is or was quite possible.

*It limits the new family in building their new future due to the financial burden of monthly life-long alimony. It can create resentment at times.

My husband gladly paid his child support to his daughters and that is a seperate issue and absolutely necessary and appropriate. There should be NO discussion about the moral obligation of child support. It is a different issue however from life-long alimony. Especially when this occurs after settlements. Many states or other countries give rehabilitative alimony for a set amount of time, there is nothing wrong with that....there is alot wrong with lifelong punishment in the form of alimony.

Child support is appropriate BUT it ends at some point. Rehabilitative alimony is appropriate BUT it ends at some point. Lifelong alimony is NOT appropriate, it does NOT END. It prohibits both ex-spouses from moving on...this law truly MUST be CHANGED. It is modern day slavery to the ex-spouse and his new family that is afflicted with it. Put yourself in their shoes and I believe you will see the burden that comes with this law.

The spouses afflicted and burdened with this permanent alimony payment are not dead beats that like to whine for the heck of it. They have paid their dues, they were willing to accept an appropriate amount of responsibility but they do not want to be punished for life.

In life we need closure to things that are done and over. Closure is an important emotional state for everyone in order to truly move on. Closure is denied to the ex-spouse by having to continue to pay aliony for life. My husband was married for 18 years and would even be happy with paying alimony for 18 years but not for life.

Please...somebody put an end to this INSANITY!!!

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Victim #99: Long Tale of Woe

Help me get this story out in the open. This is a twelve year ongoing battle about legal issues and the fraud involved against government agencies that they don't seem to care about even when given facts. I will try to keep this as short as I can, but it does cover twelve years.

In August of 1995 I filed for divorce after being separated for ten months. We were married in Feb 1976, we were both high school graduates and we both worked similar paying jobs. I was a landscaper and she was a clerk/cashier.

In Dec we had a son and soon after she went back to work whereas I stayed home, having the winter off, to take care of our son during the day. In the spring, when I returned to work, my mother-in-law would watch our son while we worked. This was how it went for 4 years. Then in 1981 I became unemployed for 3 years and became the "house husband" and took care of raising our son while she worked.

In 1984 I got into the printing business on the ground floor as a bundle maker, but by now our son was 8 years old, going into the third grade and we lived downstairs from my mother, who would watch him after school until one of us got home. I get into detail on this because she has tried to use the argument that "she gave up any future career to become a housewife".

Over the next ten years, I worked my way up to being a press operator and at the time of our separation, she had worked her way up to a shift supervisor and was eligible for benifits if she needed them. We separated in Oct of 1994 and she still kept working, so far, so good.

Now comes Aug 1995 and she received the complaint for divorce. She did the following: 1 - got a lawyer (nothing wrong with that), 2- quit her job, and 3-filed for temporary alimony to go back to school and increase her earning potential. The alimony was granted, to which I agreed at the time, in Sept. Everything seemed pretty above board to me at the time but from here on in it gets very interesting.

We were back in court in March of 1996 to finalize the divorce and along with the education reason tried to say her depression and anxiety affected her ability to work. Right after our son was born, while working through some post-partum depression she became familiar with the term "agoraphobia". Of course, she went back to work at the time and agoraphobia was forgotten about. Now in 1996, it was a reason to not be able to work.

I knew that at least once a week, she drove to the town I lived in, from where she lived, two towns over. I figured I would get a picture of her driving to help me challenge the "not able to leave the house" claim. Hard lesson #1, she filed for a restraining order and it was granted because obviously photographs must; make her fear for her life.

The fact of the matter is during our 18 year marriage there was never any abuse or reports of any, a fact my son and even her own family members can attest to. If anything, when I left, she did nothing but beg me to come back and when she realized that I wasn't, she decided to "punish" me.

The restraining order went one year and then she let it drop. Because she would not let me know anything she was doing, I filed the first of my alimony modifications to at least find out how the schooling was going in 1999, three years after the divorce.

Going before Judge Stevens, I found out she was taking a correspondence course in "forestry and conservation". The judge agreed that there should be some kind of finalization, but continued the case pending her finishing her course.

When we went back to court six months later we went before Judge Edward J. Rockett who without the benefit of looking at any of my evidence or hearing anything I had to say, proceeded to reprimand me for even bringing this to trial, as he would not have let it get this far, and that if I went further and went to trial he would more than likely increase the alimony.

Taking that as the threat it was, I dropped the case and alimony was continued as it was. I finally figured I would need a lawyer if I was going to get anywhere. I got a transcript of my day in court with Judge Rockett and though most of what he had to say came through just fine, there was nothing I could do other than have him taken off my case due to prejudice. My lawyer didn't feel that was necessary, we filed a second modification went back in front of the judge and got him to agree to let us see the medical records which supposedly showed her inability to work.

For the period of 1995 to 1999 she was also collecting EAEDC which they stopped when they found out she had $100 a week of income which she never told them about. At the time of the granting of the viewing of medical records, she had applied for SSI, having lost the EAEDC so the case was continued until the SSI medical verdict was rendered.

Able to stall for a year, I was out of money and had to go on pro se. When I finally got back to court, I had none of the evidence I felt I needed but luckily I didn't go before Judge Rockett. The new judge, although she knew the direction I was trying to go, told me she would have to continue alimony because she could only make a ruling based on income, but that if I had proof of my allegations it could be a different story.

Just before this court date I received two very disturbing pieces of hate mail containing cut out letters and pictures with threatening messages, one addressed to me and one addressed to my present wife. Because they contained information only my ex-wife knew, it wasn't hard to figure out wher e they came from. At first I was going to ignore them, but on the advice of a mental health expert, I took them to the courthouse and filed for a restraining order March 1 2000. I went back on the ten day hearing and she had yet to be served, it seemed funny that someone so house bound would not be home every time the police went by.

On March 21, the day of the hearing, she came in and filed a retaliatory 209A based on no factual information. Because we both had an order before the judge, he granted them both, without ever listening to me or my defense. After the order was granted I became the victim, as the post office put it, of "merchandise abuse". I started receiving magazines I had supposedly subscribed to and had to send letters to over twelve different magazines cancelling and explaining why. Because it's merely considered a nuisance it is on the bottom of the importance scale and doesn't even warrant looking into by the post office.

After a year I vacated my 209A but she kept hers going until 2003 even though hers was granted without my being able to refute it or defend myself. Now, based on the "advice" I received from the judge the last time in court and my own experience with picture taking , I decided to try the "right" approach.

In the summer of 2004, I hired a private investigator to try and prove what I already had many people, some who have agreed to be witnesses, telling me about my ex-wifes activity. The whole time she has been claiming she can't work she has been very active in her social life, which I knew but had to prove.

After the report from the PI which covered the period of 05/04/04 - 07/23/04, I had pictures of her shopping, driving, going to pay a bill at a funeral home and attending a baby shower at a function hall that she planned for her sister-in-law. These were the events I had actual photos of but during that same period she also attended two weddings, another shower and went out to bars to hear bands. Again, these are only the times I'm aware of due to people telling me without me even asking.

In October, 2004 I believed it was the right time to hire a lawyer and file again for modification. I knew that the three months she was actually watched was typical of her behavior since 1994. Not at all "agoraphobic" and no sign of panic. After my lawyer contacted her for documents about her "condition" of not being able to work, she stalled as long as she could and finally gave some information.

In July 2005 she was brought in by my lawyer to be deposed and we ended up with 200 pages of, what I would have thought, very damaging evidence. She admitted to all kinds of social activity, far more than I was even aware of, but she still wouldn't sign any releases for SSI records for us to check how they reached their finding of her eligibility for disability. My lawyer filed a motion for disclosure but the best we could get from the judge is that the judge herself would look at the files and decide what information is pertinent to the case.

By the spring of 2006, my lawyer told me she felt that even with all my evidence the judge would still be looking for a "change of circumstance" in order to quit the alimony. What that says to me is, fraud is fine, even if you can show it's fraud, as long as it's continuous. My lawyer also told me that she "didn't want to take my money" because of how she now felt about the case, I guess $5,000 was enough.

Now, without a lawyer, I decided to speak with the SSI fraud division. The person I spoke with said they would be very interested in the information I had gathered. In April, 2006 I sent copies of everything I had so far, the PI report with photos, full copies of the deposition and a list of witnesses willing to testify.

During the summer and fall of 2006 I, along with my present wife of ten years, attended various functions involving my grandchildren that the ex-wife also attended. Confirmation, birthdays and the like.of which I have pictures of all of us attending and at which I never saw any signs of panic or even mild discomfort. These photos I added to my list of evidence and although I no longer had a lawyer, I filed for a trial date. Pre-trial was set for October 20, 2006.

On August 9, I called my ex-wife to set up a meeting and show her what I had for evidence and to bring a double alimony payment to cover 8/11 and 8/18. At that time she agreed on August 15, 7:30 pm at Dunkin' Donuts. It was my request for a highly public place because I've already been through two restraining order fiascos with her and I will never place myself alone with her again. She kept asking why I couldn't come to her house and I explained I didn't trust her.

On the night of the meeting, she called and said she wasn't going, I told her what I wanted to meet for and she accused me of "threatening her". This meant I now had to mail the check, which now would be late a day, and I also enclosed a letter saying I would meet her at her house if we could have witnesses present. I never got a reply.

On that friday, Aug 16, she ran down to the courthouse and filed contempt charges because she hadn't received the check I was going to hand her in person on the 15th. When she got the check on the 19th, she cashed it, I was caught up, but she went ahead with the contempt hearing anyway. This was the fourth time she has done this and for the fourth time it was dropped.

This woman has no problem using the courts for her own little retribution driven causes and she still has more as you will see. Finally I heard from her lawyer and we set Oct 6 as the day to get together and do exactly what I tried to do in Aug., go over the evidence.

It needs to be clarified at this point that since Aug 15 I have only dealt with the ex-wife through her lawyer. We went to court on Oct 20 for the pre-trial hearing and who do I get filling in that day Judge Edward J. Rockett. Although he tried to badger me into not setting a trial date, even going so far as to say I would be responsible for the legal fees of my ex-wifes lawyer "when I lost the case", I held firm and asked for my "legal right" for a trial. The trial date was set for Dec 21, 2006.

Also at this time I began having some physical problems starting in July of 2006 and worsened until I was finally found to have two ruptured discs in my neck. Because I was in a lot of pain and facing surgery, her lawyer and I have had the court date moved up to March 7, 2007, feeling I would have recovered enough from my Jan 4 surgery.

You would think that would be the end of the story, but as I said before, this woman will use anything, including the court system, to harrass. On the evening of Dec 26 there was a knock on my door. I opened the door to see two police officers and sure enough they serve me with another restraining order. The day I was supposed to appear was Jan 4, the day of my surgery.

She waited until Dec 19, hoping I would get served before Christmas, and she knew full well I was having surgery on Jan 4 because we moved the trial date. I had to go have the hearing changed until later and found out then that she was using the fact that I "threatened" her in Aug for filing in Dec. I also found at that time she started going to Community College ( agoraphobia, panic ? ) because that was listed as a place for me to stay away from.

When I went in to court on Jan 19, the restraining order was not granted because the judge said she has no evidence that she's in "fear for her life". To sum up the points I'm trying to make with this "novel" as follows;

1- the legal system doesn't want to even consider the possibility that the alimony is being awarded under false pretenses.

2- SSI seems to not be as interested in fraud as they claim to be. She has yet to be investigated or even contacted. A major problem this presents to me is that this lack of action by SSI is being used as a defense that she is doing nothing wrong. How anybody can read her deposition where, besides a full and unimpaired social life, she readily admits there is nothing preventing her from working at home, nothing hindering her day to day activities and so on, and not see the blatent fraud amazes me. Anyone with even the slightest knowledge of therapy knows everything is based on self disclosure so if a person knows the right things to say they can make anything believable unless someone actually looks into their activities rather than what they're being told.

3- The fact that she has no problem using the court system as a personal means of retribution by filing a number of frivolous restraining orders and contempt charges. The bottom line is I feel

I need to get my story out because I am getting nowhere with any authorities and I have already put myself too far in debt with the PI ($5000), Lawyers ($15,000+) and Alimony ($60,000+) to the point of losing my house, I'm in forclosure, ruining my credit and leaving me with a very bad taste from the legal system.

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Victim #98: Doctor Searches For a Cure to His Dilemma

This is a story of a two and a half year divorce that has occurred in Florida. I will try to be brief in the things that have happened.

I am a professional. I make over $200,000 dollars a year. My ex wife did nothing for most of her life, including during the marriage. It was a long term marriage at 19years.

Unfortunately, I should have divorced long ago, but felt I had made a commitment. I met someone and did the noble and honest thing and said I wanted a divorce instead of carrying on something behind her back. That started the journey!

My ex wife decided to get a confrontational lawyer that had no regard for her and only for his pocket. The lawyer had a track record already with filing bankruptcy twice, a bar reprimand, married 5 times with one being one of his divorce clients as he was representing her during the divorce proceedings, and most recently, having to pay back 6 million dollars for overcharging his legal fees in an estate battle.

My ex's lawyer represented her on contingency, told her to stop working to create an income disparity, and started building up a $138,000 dollars bill over two and a half years. The lawyer thought he would then have me pay the bill, because she didn't have the money. I, on the other hand, could only afford a flat fee lawyer that unfortunately started off well, then was completely overwhelmed by the other attorney as he sent tons of motions and filings against me, depositions, and on...... to build up his bills.

My attorney was a private practitioner that had numerous other cases and stated he was spending most of his time answering the ex's lawyer and could not devote time to his other cases. I think it drove him mad, as his practice shut down at the end of the divorce, and he is not doing any more divorce work.

At one point my attorney did not show up for a scheduled deposition, and I had to pay a $2,000 dollar bill to the other attorney because my attorney did not show, and somehow I got attached to pay him, AND I WAS THERE! I resisted paying the other attorney on principal, but the judge ordered a sheriff to repossess my auto in order to pay the other attorney's bill. The other attorney lied to the judge and said I owned the auto outright, and the judge believed him I suppose, and sent the sheriff to satisfy the court order. So, I had to pay.

Then through all of this mess, I go to trial. The ex's attorney hires a forensic CPA and I have to get my bank records from 5 years ago to present, business documents, and on.... in order to make a projection on what I would make to pay my wife, her needs and expenses, and so on. My attorney decided not to do the same. Plus the forensic CPA was allowed into all of my depositions, and to pass notes during the trial to her attorney and was given a tap on the hand when my attorney objected.

So, there are many more things that happened, but too much to read. Then after the trial, the judge took 6 months to make the decision, ordered back dated alimony, stated I paid cash for my auto during the divorce proceedings, which did not happen. I was making payments. The judge gave her credit for the cost of the car that I supposedly paid cash for. He gave her the home, and a windfall of about $200,000 dollars because the judge took a lowball estimate form her attorney that was made after the divorce proceedings began, and should have been made on the value when divorce papers were filed. The same gentleman that did the home estimate at the time we bought the home did my estimate for the divorce.

Who do you think had a better idea on what the real value of the home, as compared to their side? Plus, during the divorce proceeding years, the value of the home actually increased. Again there are other things in the judges decision that were horribly one sided, mean spirited, or just plain wrong, plus here is the kicker... she awarded my ex $6,000 dollars a month in permanent alimony.

My ex has a college degree as an artist and master's teacher degree and could teach at even the college level, but do you think the judge imputed her ability to earn to that degree as she did to mine? A big fat NO! My attorney did not want to appeal the decision due to his personal problems, and what the other attorney did to his business and his personal life. So he suggested another attorney. The other attorney said to me it will be $20,000 dollars up front and you may not get anything changed. So here I am. Stuck.

I am now remarried, but I have this fictitious scenario to run past you people out there for comments. Let us just say there is this guy with the same kind of thing that has happened to him and he has a home in a South American country called Brazil that he could move to. This same guy has a buyer for his business that could put him into retirement at an early age, but the business will be purchased over a period of 4 years.

The only thing is, he does not want to pay his alimony anymore, and is trying to find a way to hide his money or make it impossible for his ex wife to get her hands on it, or her attorney. Also he is concerned what the judge could do to him if he decides to stop paying these alimony payments. Any comments on this fictitious story would be welcomed. Just a fun game to play, and it may help you all avoid Alzheimer's early onset. Tchau, and thank you all for taking the time to read my story in advance.

FOLLOW-UP MESSAGE:

I am at the end of my rope! I just received a notice from the attorney now stating that the court is asking her why I am not living up to my bargain. I don't have $6,000 dollars a month to give to her. How is that? So I have called my attorney for an appointment next week. At that time I am telling her am not paying. I will then go to court and they can put me in jail. I will stay as long as I need and let the state take care of me.

If anyone could tell me of a good newspaper person that may be interested in my dilemma. I want someone to hear and read about my opinion of the imbalance in the decision, the bias of the judge, my ex wife's vindictiveness since.

I will have to shut my clinic down also, and there will be many patients very disappointed. This is the only way that I may be able to be heard, as well as having an attorney that misrepresented, and another attorney that would have appealed but asked for $20,000 dollars I did not have. I don't have the ability to borrow any money as my credit is shot since the divorce. I hope by doing this it may help someone maybe. At least some positive may occur if I am heard a little bit.

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Victim #97: No Closure Allowed in Maine

I was divorced in 2001 after 27 years and ordered to pay alimony "indefinitely" by the court. Although my ex-wife's boyfriend was living in my home and sleeping in my bed with her, I abided by this faithfully until I lost my well paying job as a court security officer in 2005. I filed a motion to modify, based on my loss of income and went through our court system here in Maine.

The result? I was ordered to pay all back alimony, $3,000 of my ex-wife's attorney fees and ordered to pay $60.00 per week for the rest of my life. I was also found in contempt of court for not having paid alimony while unemployed. I have a part time job at which my ex-wife attached my wages and continued to receive payment, all while I was trying to continue to pay my bills and support my present wife.

My ex-wife has been on three trips to Aruba to their time share, has been to Vegas for a week, has been on a Caribbean cruise and two years ago for Christmas, her live-in paid for breast implants. She also quit her job with full time benefits and prayed upon the court to increase the amount of alimony because she was not working.

I am 53 years old and our two children are grown, removing any question of child support. I now work two jobs and cannot continue to do this forever. I am remarried and have purchased a modest home.

I am desperate! I need someone to help bring some closure to this situation. I have so much more to tell you that you would not believe has been done to me by our legal system.

Please, please help me.

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Victim #96: Lawyers Take the Money and Run

I am facing to pay up to $ 6,000.00. I have been off from work on the railroad. I need more time to heal up from having a bad disk in my neck.

The Judge gave me 6 mos. to pay up or they will take my assets. It was nice of them to warn me. I took steps to protect what we have. It is not much. They will take my taxes. That only help's a little.

If I can get back to work. Then I will see if I can get a loan? At least the people who have the loan will not put me in jail.

I do not like the situation I am in. But I do not have any time when I get back to work.

I may never be able to change this great injustice. But I feel if we can get the Federal courts to rule it unconstitutional. Then all states would have to follow.

I can never get any where with the family court. They have me hog tied as it were.

I have two options:
1. get a PI to investigate the ex to see if she is co-habitating, if so that should stop it. But I do not think that the Judge would follow his own order. No human should ever be a slave to someone else.
2. Save up money and leave the USA for good. I would rather be in a different land than to be a slave for one person. My current wife agrees with me. She said what ever it takes to gain freedom.

I think I am done with lawyers, all they do is take my hard earned money and run.

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Victim #95: Second Wife Says First Wives Should Grow Up and Support Themselves

My very wonderful husband really got taken to the cleaners in his divorce. He was married to his ex for 19 years when they separated. He let her stay in the house while he lived in a hotel. He sent money every month even before the courts ordered him to.

Because his lawyer told him it would pay off in the end. He paid all the bills until he couldn't pay anymore and finally had to file bankruptcy and foreclose on the house while she refused to get a job. His lawyer never showed up for the pretrial, so the judge ordered him to pay $1,200 a month plus all the utilities.

My husband had to get a new attorney and the judge made his final judgment while saying that my husband should have picked a better attorney and then he wouldn't be getting so screwed. She got $1,200 a month, life insurance, college for their 23 year old, and her attorney fees. All alimony for life or until she remarries. Not fair.

How can a state award a woman who chooses not to work that much money a month, but will allow a father to get away with $49 dollars a week to raise a child. That is what I get for my child. The state needs to do something about this. There needs to be fairness in the world.

I don't want my child to grow up, get married, realize that maybe they made a mistake, and have to pay for the rest of his life. Plus what really angers me is that I believe that women have come further than this in the world. We are self-sufficient human beings and we don't need an ex husbands money to make a success out of your life.

I wish I had more child support for my child, but I don't need it. I give him all that he needs, it just would help with the wants. But women that are grown and have children who are grown up, should grow up themselves and support themselves. This is how I feel.

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