Sunday, July 6, 2008

Victim #30: Ex Has No Desire To Work Because Of Receiving Alimony Welfare Payments

I've read your website with great interest. I am the second wife of a man forced to pay lifetime alimony to a woman who happily operates her hobby farm, rides her horses, and has absolutely no legal obligation to work. And why should she get remarried? No financial incentive there either, clearly.

She was in her mid thirties when they divorced, in good health, had work experience, and even stated to the vocational rehab guy that she wanted to go back to work post divorce. She is now in her late forties, the kids are teenagers, but I doubt that any judge in the world would pull the rug out from under her now.

To make matters worse, multiple attorneys have advised us to "let a sleeping dog lie." If my husband were to ask for a reduction or termination, chances are about 100% that he would be ordered to pay an increase (yes, even 15 years post-divorce) because his income has tripled since then. Oh, and by the way, he would be ordered to pay her attorney fees too. He's been told that spending money on a good shrink is money better spent. No kidding.

Until the court system changes, I am personally encouraging my husband to include a note in each alimony payment that says:

Dear XXXX,
Attached is yet another check, made out to you, for your personal benefit and enjoyment. I resent you deeply for continuing to have to make this payment. You are capable of working to support yourself. You are also capable of becoming remarried. I will never have any respect for you while you take financial advantage of me by accepting "private welfare." At what point does it end Sue? Please make plans to wean yourself off of my income.

We live in Minnesota, and I was wondering if there is anything being done at a federal level that would give us hope? Also, what (if anything) can I do here to make a change? Am I wasting my time to try and change things at a legislative level? I hear that's where the problem lies.