Victim #80: Victim Finds Help and Comfort From Friends

As I look back on it my former spouse planned the divorce. I had a heart attack and she refused to drive me to the hospital, I had to drive myself. Then after my surgery, she took time off work, supposedly to take care of me? But when I returned to work, she didn't go back to HER job. I had the heart attack---SHE quit working...was this planned...I think sooo!

Instead she filed for divorce, telling me she couldn't work full time and since I no longer could work 1 job and my part time job...she decided that bringing in her high school sweetheart to live in the house and me leaving would benefit her financially.

She told me that if I didn't go---she would claim that I abused her and I would be thrown in jail. I'm not really a very big guy---and am scared to death of what happens to you in jail. I had never laid a hand on her---ever...but knew a neighbor who had been blamed for something he didn't do. Face it---the MEN are never believed if the women are good liars?...and sooooo really it's about them holding you hostage within your own marriage.

At the time, I was confused and drained, so I left. For a life...on the street---I guess? I wasn't really sure where I was going or what I was doing. I called my best friend from work and told her what had happened. She and her husband invited me to come to their home temporarily to recuperate and organize myself. It was a calm place with no fighting...very quiet and peaceful. I was given my own room and bath, clean towels and fresh linens, washer/dryer access and whatever I needed to eat. That's when I decided that it's OK to just have the clothes on your back and your golf clubs.

Since that time, these people have fronted legal funds, protected me from having a nervous breakdown and pretty much become my family. They refuse to allow any contact from the former spouse. She is NOT welcome to call, come in the vicinity of their home nor will they have ANY contact with her, although she has tried, they politely refuse interaction.

The high school sweetheart turned out to be an ex-con/drug/alcohol abuser and her plans slowly unraveled as our divorce proceeded. Now---it seems very apparent to me that she was being coached by a combination of her attorney, the divorced female neighbor next door and a few women she knew who had filed "untrue" claims but won.

I was exhausted and I thought it was soooo obvious, that the court would see right through her "game". What I NOW know...is that the courts believe whoever is the best liar. Our proceedings are continuing---5 years later

...this time I am taking her back for enforcement of the final judgment, to which SHE did NOT adhere, even with me giving her $2500 per month...she called the other night on her "marathon"...dialing gig, crying that she has no money--asking "why" I was doing this?---Why---I thought? because my checking account was garnished and my parents were harassed and threatened with a lien on their home because of bills that the former spouse did NOT pay

I refused to listen to whining and begging...I hung up time and time again. Yesterday, she began the charade calling the office...again...I refused to take her call or listen to any pleading. It doesn't matter to me anymore.

This time I AM filing the restraining order against her....with the notation that ALL communication/negotiation is to be done through MY attorney, not me. She thinks that since she is PRO SE that she doesn't have to go to court??...confused ...?? I think she doesn't understand that I really don't care anymore. In fact, I will take great pleasure in making her look foolish in court this time.

SHE didn't do what she was told to do---I did. She intentionally "under/unemployed" herself, which was very obvious the last time we were in mediation. Even the mediator said---how can you make less than minimum wage working 40 hours per week? She said---"oh--I need to be home for the kids"...he said---"how old are your children"---"14 & 20"...and he said....they are not babies or in need of care giving?....so---most of what worked 6 years ago...isn't quite the same as she anticipated it would be.

Today, I am at Disney with my kids...having a great time...right now---everyone is napping...and I am on-line...and life is good.

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Victim #79: Alimony is Legalized Theft

Now that my child support is done, I am moving out of the state of Tennessee which is every bit as bad as Florida when it comes to Alimony. I will not send my tax dollars to a state that follows this socialist ideology. Does anyone know or have any experience with the state of Mississippi?

It is interesting to me that even though female divorce judges here in Tennessee publicly proclaim that "lifetime alimony" is almost impossible to get, I personally know a number of professionals who have been forced into this indentured servitude -- although I have never heard of a lawyer that has been. And my ex-wife got it without any difficulty - or reason at all.

What it boils down to is that LIFETIME ALIMONY is a form of legalized and judicially sanctioned THEFT. Yes, it is STEALING which is much more easily done with a black robe than with a gun. And it conforms to socialist ideology perfectly.

I have lost the freedom to pursue endeavors that I would really like to because of my indentured servitude of LIFETIME ALIMONY. This is really tragic in a "free country" and although we supposedly have the protection of "free speech", I do have some anxiety that expressing my opinions in emails such as these will eventually come back to haunt me.

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Victim #78: Penalized for Saving

After getting divorced I tried to keep my lifestyle conservative and accumulate as much savings as possible for my upcoming mandatory retirement, that was to come up in ten years.

Prior to the divorce, I had already lost a good deal of my retirement benefits from a former employer, when it went bankrupt. Then my Ex got half of ALL my remaining retirement benefits plus any retirement benefits/funds/pensions/etc. I was to accrue during the time between my divorce and my retirement.

Like anyone else has found himself in a similar position, I made a serious effort to save for my upcoming termination of wages. What I did not realize was that the money I was putting back by "eating beans instead of steak" was that these funds could be used to justify further alimony payments. I didn't realize that if my Ex was living "high-on-the-hog", what I was saving only was providing more money to enhance my "Ability-to-Pay".

What's wrong with this picture? Maybe it's only here in Florida that this can and does happen.

I feel this is terribly unjust. How can I avoid paying my Ex what I strived so hard to save while she was spending not only nearly half a million in alimony, but also a good portion of the retirement monies that were turned over to her a decade ago.

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Victim #77: Some Vengeful Ex's Give Women A Bad Name

My husband and I recently married. I've known him for years and years and was fully aware of the alimony order in place from their divorce 4 years ago. They were only married for 10 years.

Problem is that she became enraged when she found out that we got married and had the audacity to purchase a new home. The one thing that she doesn't know is that I make considerably more money than he does (about 3x). So everything that we have is because I purchased it.

Long story short, she's taking him back to court for payment of arrearages owed (from when he was unemployed in 2003 and the alimony was $350 a week) and for contempt of court. The contempt charges stem from the credit reporting bureaus.

When they divorced they had a considerable amount of credit card debt which of course he got so kindly ordered to pay. But during the time which he was unemployed he was unable to make the payments on time every time. He didn't miss a single payment and hasn't since, but some were late and since the credit was in both their names it got reported to her SSN also. So she is suing him for not "holding her harmless".

This woman is highly educated, a former school teacher and now a paralegal making almost double his income.

I've tried researching the laws in our state (OH) to see if I can find any way to get out of this ridiculous obligation, but the only information that I can find is geared towards the recipient. I can't find a single law, judgment, or ruling that protects the payor.

I'm sorry, but it's women that do these sort of things that give the rest of us a bad name!

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Victim # 76: Beware Mediated Agreement

In retrospect, I look at how long my ex-wife set me up for alimony.

It started when she refused to get a job even when all the kids were in school. I am sure looking back that she was coached by an attorney (in her case a man hating lesbian) on what to do.

Of course, after she filed for divorce, she stated she was unable to maintain a job. That's when you get tagged for temporary support and this sets the stage for alimony. Be careful with this amount! She needed to be retrained to enter the workplace. I guess if she wanted to be a doctor, she would need support for 10 years.

One week after the settlement, she found a job working for her brothers making minimum wage. She lasted a year in college with a part time schedule. I really don't blame her. I blame myself, my lawyer and most of all the system.

I would tell anybody going into mediation to have total amount of money that you know you can afford in mind. If your spouse comes back with a much higher amount than your amount, offer your max as a final amount and if they don't accept it be willing to walk. Don't waste time going back and forth.

If you are a man you will probably be paying opposing counsel, your attorney and the mediator. It is better to walk out than get stuck with a bad settlement. As my new attorney says "you mediated a settlement that was worse than your worst day in court."

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Victim #75: Mad As Hell

I am new to this site but have read lots on this issue. I live in Florida and have been divorced from ex for almost 4 years and have been forced to pay her support of $700.00 per month for life or until death or remarry [could only hope].

My problem is I know for a fact that ex is cohabiting but I cannot prove it to Florida court satisfaction. She makes more money than I, lives in a much nicer home and has money in the bank.

Florida does not care that I can't afford the time of day much less the fact that she got everything house, cars, contents plus lifetime extortion payments.

The question is: are you ready to make a national and local stand against this injustice to all men that want to do the right thing, men who will take care of their children if they father them, men who would do the right thing if their ex really did need $ help for a reasonable amount of time. If so stand up and let your voices be heard. We will not get it done by talking we have to act or it will be your great grand kids still paying for and unjust system nation wide..

Lets unite and take a national stand you can bet that the media and politicians will listen then .... Mad as hell and ready to take a stand.

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Victim #74: Retirement Only A Dream

As a second wife, I can attest to the fact that second wives suffer as a result of the unjust alimony "scheme." My husband is being forced to pay over $10,000.00 a year to his ex-wife, who left him. She claimed he was an alcoholic and cheated on her many time and even had relations with young family members! (her sister and niece who were about 15 at the time!) Of course I don't believe this for a moment!

My husbands ex-wife had told us that she only needed alimony for a few years. Of course we helped as he and she had 2 daughters in college at that time.

His ex has a good job and a pension which is vested. She started to go out all the time, spending money on foolish things and then came the request for more alimony and for an extended period of time.

For the last 4 years we have been struggling to make ends meet! We have our own bills and now are facing losing our home! I have been forced at my age (62)to take on a second job to help pay for her alimony!

How can we fight this? We want to retire in a couple of years and its sad that we probably wont be able to do that!

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Victim #73: Agony in New Jersey

I'm 62 years old, was divorced in NJ after a 28-year-marriage. She wasn't cheating, I was. No, it was not nice, but it is done. Those were not the grounds. I was somehow drawn into serving her. The judge served up child support (no issue) and lifetime alimony. Even my lawyer said it was the custom. The judge said "Don't lose your job." I did, at the end of 2001. That's where I learned about a case called Lepis v. Lepis that has made law in Jersey. You can have your change of circumstances, but you can also sell your 401(K) to keep the lady in her accustomed lifestyle.

I impoverished myself and sold my future to a stockbroker. I took my ex to court 3 times in 2002 and lost every time. My circumstances were considered "temporary." My arrested alcoholism (still is) was a "so what" matter. So were the other psychological issues that went with it. I gave up.

When I returned to work 18 months later I was immediately "wage executed" again. I was early 40% than I was in 1998 but I refused to go back to court. Instead I declared bankruptcy because I had card-kited to live during the time out of work and the salary did not cover it.

I left that job in January for a job that paid $12K more. Sixty days later it was over. You cannot debate any point even if you are not arguing in a family-held business.

No savings, no pension, no nothing. I just stopped paying. I am quite delinquent. They don't put you in jail in NJ anymore, debtor's prison is gone, but they can take your unemployment benefits. I went to see a so-called lawyer from Monmouth-Ocean Legal Services, and he said these words to me: "You have no hope."

Unemployment can be stolen but it is not a grounds for reduction. Go figure. I almost told the lawyer to drive me to the nearest bar and give me a ten dollar bill for seed money, but I didn't. I will not give my ex the satisfaction. She knows my situation--I have tried to be direct and honest with her. But I'm running out of steam. Lifetime alimony is farcical, since she works, has her own social security, a chunk of mine, and a pension. I have
nothing. But I, the great sinner, am supposed to keep paying.

I am tempted to just retire and live on nothing, but there is a vestige in me of Fight.

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Victim #72: Mass Disobedience Is The Only Solution

I think it is pretty clear that we are heading into a major depression not just a recession. The tentacles are creeping into everything and even the standard bogus numbers produced by our fine government are starting to show serious signs of weakness (and considering how cooked those numbers are this is a major feat). I don't know of a whole lot of people who has lost their job but it seems clear that this is what is on the horizon and approaching like a runaway train.

With the standard practice of "imputing" income for child support and alimony firmly a part of the family court system there is no give if something like this happens. The numbers of men currently under orders is staggering and well into the millions, when these men start losing their jobs, their houses, their life savings, etc. the obvious solution on the part of the talking heads (who caused this mess in the first place but that is another topic) will be to swell the jail population - but that too has its limits.

Mass disobedience seems to me to be the only real possible outcome. If even 10% of the current total case load went back to court you'd clog the system well beyond its capacity to operate. Of course we've outsourced justice to organizations like Maximus who are free to take whatever they want without consequence but eventually even this level of plunder has its limits.

Child support terror operates within the framework of assets that are easy to steal, people who are easy to jail, and compliance. All of this falls apart when your primary concern is bread lines and basic survival. There are just too many parasites and not enough hosts and the standard practice of torturing the host doesn't work when the host is facing a choice of life or death if it continues to support everything the U.S. demands. It is already the case that certain acts of theft will get you less jail time than a child support contempt order will. Heck if they do the revolving contempt order (with new contempt for six months generated every month you are in jail) *murder* starts looking like a reasonable alternative.

My point is something needs to give and the U.S. has a very poor track record of ever admitting that its made a mistake. I think the last time that happened was with the repeal of prohibition and those in charge have shown that this knowledge is quickly forgotten as they continue to prosecute the war on drugs as if it made any difference.

Countries can and have existed as slave states for a time but they all eventually collapse as slave labor just isn't as efficient. People work much harder for themselves than they do for others regardless how hard you whip them. What I see happening is the run up to the fall of the Soviet Union where everyone was a slave, no one really wanted to do anything, and this apathy ran so thick that it eventually overcame the fear of being punished. Even sadist judges who enjoy torturing men need an army of loyal serfs to carry out their wishes, and if their hearts aren't really in it then nothing happens. At the very least arresting people (and housing them) is work and the police aren't going to want to go arrest 10 million men even assuming none of them turn violent and counter attack.

I realize that I am just wondering out loud here but does anyone know if any of the powers that be have even acknowledged that job loss and a new great depression might, just this once, be a teensy weensy reason why ex-wifey can't remain in Starbucks and Saks 5th avenue shoes this month? Wondering if anyone knows if any judge has resisted the jail em all mentality in light of this economic hurricane that is hitting.

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Victim #71: Supports Ex-wife's Cohabitation Lifestyle

My father-in-law just went through this right before Thanksgiving. His ex-wife has been living with someone for 7 years. They wear rings on their wedding fingers, when the boyfriend was in the hospital he listed her on the hospital records as his wife, they are each other beneficiary if the other dies and the list goes on. My father-in-law pays her $3K a month which happens to be 50% of his income.

When they divorced she received everything but the house,which had already gone into foreclosure, which he gave it back to the bank. Since they sold it for $20,000 less then he owed he was responsible for that money . He was responsible for paying all their marital debt. She received 100% of his retirement ($150,000) which she has spent and she is the beneficiary of a million dollar life insurance policy that she will get when he dies (even though he is now remarried).

After her son turned 18 and the child support stopped she took him back to court and had the child support rolled into her alimony and won even though her 18 year old son was living with his father.

Anyway, he tried negotiating, but she would not settle for a reduction of alimony. So, based on the sb152 [Florida Senate Co-habitation Bill 152] they went to court. My husband and his brother testified on his fathers behalf.

We watch him struggle while she is going on numerous extravagant vacations (California, Vegas and a 5 day cruise all in 4 months), her boyfriends 2004 crown victorian is paid for, she had a brand new home built then remodeled it 2 years later. She makes $11/hr working 25-30 hours a week (this is a healthy women perfectly capable of working a FT job) and the boyfriend makes 30K. Her defense......he pays rent and she is his landlord. They even relocated to Orlando together.

The ruling went to the ex-wife. So, he is still paying the $3k a month and now he is also responsible for paying her attorneys fees which are $10,000. This poor man is supporting not only his ex-wife, but his ex-wife's boyfriend and the courts are allowing it. We were sure that he would win and we were terribly mistaken.

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Victim #70: Parties Assets Consumed by Lawyers

I will share my story so people might get something from what have happened to me that might be of some help to them. I believe the better way to judge a person is to review that person's behavior patterns in the past; just like to review a person's past credit card history. If the person has repetitively defaulted the payments, the behavior patterns clearly speak the truth.

As stated in the article previously emailed to me, in general, the divorce is a waste of mutual marital assets. All disputes could be reasonably resolved if the parties could be reasonable. Before I hired my former attorney (I like him, decent attorney) to represent me during the divorce process from 1997 to 1999, I had one time consultation with the other female Boston attorney. She charged me $650 for that one hour consultation.

Because she didn't want to represent me against my ex's law firm, she said this to me: "Since I will not represent you, I will give this straight-talk advice. In the divorce, no matter which attorney or law firm you have, no matter how both parties argue in the court, the judge usually will cut the "assets pie" practically the same way he would cut for the case that was reasonable resolved. The difference is the assets pie became much smaller in an aggressively contested case." Retrospectively, she was speaking the truth. The attorneys bite away the pie; the money that could be used for both parties and the children.

In my case, my hospital employer was in financial difficulties and had to down size and cut the staff. After working 17 years for the hospital, I was laid off with 90-day advance notice. I filed complaint for modification within 5 days. Also, prior to the university graduations of two of my daughters, I also filed complaints for modification to reduce child support payments. My ex and her attorney manipulated and complicated the case into suing judges, court clerks, the Courts; based on frivolous ground. The judges became defendants themselves.

One by one, the judges recused themselves out off the case. The case "stayed" as it was. The alimony and child support were blocked for modification until three years later. By this time, I was in severe financial hardship and DOR/CSE had been misled and unjustifiably imposed sanctions against me. Although I actually over paid about 48 weeks of child support payment, all of my money in any accounts has been confiscated through SSN attachment; tax refunds intercepted; passport and medical license revoked.

After radical kidney cancer operation complicated with stage 3 chronic kidney disease of the remaining left kidney and liver problems, I filed complaint for modification again. I requested the judge to at least temporarily lift SSN attachment, so the bank will not confiscate the paycheck deposited into my account and totally give it to my ex. I requested the judge at least allow some money for my most basic life and medical needs. The judge declined; I have to go through "standard process". Most likely I have to wait until the scheduled trial before I will know how my life will be.

Even with medical conditions at age 60+, I want to support myself without burdening others or the government. Being Pro Se since 1999, very faulty Massachusetts law has pushed me off the cliff, totally strangulated me legally and financially. Imposing misled and unjustified DOR/CSE's sanctions against me only puts me further behind the long-overdue-should-have-been-modified order.

After the judge of Salem Court declined my emergency request to lift DOR/CSE's sanctions against me two days ago, without any better way out, I went to Department of Social Service Administration for governmental help. Being forced to go to Welfare Office to apply for governmental help is the darkiest moment in my life; the self esteem and the dignity ruined. Thing do not need to end up like this.

In my case just like many other cases, the issues about child support or alimony could easily and reasonably be resolved if the receiving party and the judge could be reasonable. It is very obvious and clear to me that if the husband is laid off, suffers from serious disease or the children have graduated from college and are "emancipated", court order should get modified in time. Unfortunately, through my ex's legal manipulations, I ended up in a hopeless situation with no light visible at the end of the tunnel. My ex as well as Mass divorce law are killing the cow to get the milk and killing the hen to get the eggs. My story is like a movie, it is a sad one.

My life is involuntarily messed up by the "law". I no longer young. I wish I could have the money, I rather give the money to my ex-wife to satisfy her greed and aggressiveness, so my life can move on. Have any one ever heard a never-felt-satisfied ex-wife turned around, complicated a simple divorce of "irreconcilable personality conflicts" into suing all judges, court clerks, five Mass courts whoever had ever directly or indirectly involved the case for 9+ years and continuing? Things do not have to end like this. If I could have the money, I would give to her to move on. Sadly being Pro Se since 1999, all I had had been unjustifiably and manipulatively confiscated. It is modern slavery and servitude.

Thank you for your prayer for me. I have come to realization that seeking peace from God is the only way out of this never-ending misery.

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Victim #69: Massachusetts Injustice System

At Salem Court on October 30, there were two other child support / alimony related cases immediately before the judge heard my case. The first man was a white Caucasian in the late 40's or early 50's. He stated he had been unemployed living in a government shelter. His ex-wife was represented by an attorney.

After hearing, he was hands cuffed, ankles chained, taken away immediately by the court police and sentenced to jail for 10 days. The second man was a hispanic in mid-30's. He stated he tried to find job; he got one. But he was laid off after couple months. He is still looking for another job; but he could not get one so far. He was hands cuffed, ankles chained, taken away immediately by the court police and sentenced to jail for 30 days on the spot. Then, it was our case. I was Pro Se; my ex was represented by her Boston attorney.

Because I was able to present to the judge that I actually over paid 48 weeks of child support, the judge did not imprison me on the spot. For the alimony issue, the judge set a trial date on Feb. 10, 2009.

Massachusetts legal system is very faulty; it critically needs reform. Massachusetts is likely the only state that puts the emancipation age of the child at age 23 if enrolled as a full time student (Google search). Even my daughter graduated in June 2007 from university and she has been fully employed with annual income of $59,000, I was ordered to continue paying child support until April 2008 (age 23) simply because I did not file complaint for modification before her university graduation in June 2007.

I can not go back to my country now, because my passport has been revoked as a result of my ex's legal manipulation even though I over paid child support. My story could be a movie, a sad story. But I realize now that I am not alone. Neither slavery nor involuntary servitude should exist in the United States. Unfortunately, we are actually in this modern slavery.

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Victim #68: False Domestic Violence Accusations

It is amazing how many false filings take place. I used to be naive and ignorant and when I heard of a woman accusing a bf or husband of domestic violence my first thought was "what an SOB that guy was". Having going through divorce and the dirty tactics that are used, I do not believe one single domestic violence case unless there is video evidence.

I still remember the final straw in my marriage. My wife was drunk as a skunk as always. We were on our way of splitting up. She said she was going to call 911. I asked why. She said she was going to tell them I hit her. I laughed and said that I had never laid a hand on her in our entire life, they would never believe her. She said she would make sure she had bruises on her before the police arrived. That sent chills up my spine. I knew then it was time to go through a divorce.

It also sent chills up my spine because it is exactly what was said to a neighbor of mine a year earlier when they got divorced. It was obvious the two women had been talking..........

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Victim #67: Mass Disobedience is the Only Answer

I think it is pretty clear that we are heading into a major depression not just a recession. The tentacles are creeping into everything and even the standard bogus numbers produced by our fine government are starting to show serious signs of weakness (and considering how cooked those numbers are this is a major feat). I don't know of a whole lot of people who has lost their job but it seems clear that this is what is on the horizon and approaching like a runaway train.

With the standard practice of "imputing" income for child support and alimony firmly a part of the family court system there is no give if something like this happens. The numbers of men currently under orders is staggering and well into the millions, when these men start losing their jobs, their houses, their life savings, etc. the obvious solution on the part of the talking heads (who caused this mess in the first place but that is another topic) will be to swell the jail population - but that too has its limits.

Mass disobedience seems to me to be the only real possible outcome. If even 10% of the current total case load went back to court you'd clog the system well beyond its capacity to operate. Of course we've outsourced justice to organizations like Maximus who are free to take whatever they want without consequence but eventually even this level of plunder has its limits.

Child support terror operates within the framework of assets that are easy to steal, people who are easy to jail, and compliance. All of this falls apart when your primary concern is bread lines and basic survival. There are just too many parasites and not enough hosts and the standard practice of torturing the host doesn't work when the host is facing a choice of life or death if it continues to support everything the U.S. demands. It is already the case that certain acts of theft will get you less jail time than a child support contempt order will. Heck if they do the revolving contempt order (with new contempt for six months generated every month you are in jail) *murder* starts looking like a reasonable alternative.

My point is something needs to give and the U.S. has a very poor track record of ever admitting that its made a mistake. I think the last time that happened was with the repeal of prohibition and those in charge have shown that this knowledge is quickly forgotten as they continue to prosecute the war on drugs as if it made any difference.

Countries can and have existed as slave states for a time but they all eventually collapse as slave labor just isn't as efficient. People work much harder for themselves than they do for others regardless how hard you whip them. What I see happening is the run up to the fall of the Soviet Union where everyone was a slave, no one really wanted to do anything, and this apathy ran so thick that it eventually overcame the fear of being punished. Even sadist judges who enjoy torturing men need an army of loyal serfs to carry out their wishes, and if their hearts aren't really in it then nothing happens. At the very least arresting people (and housing them) is work and the police aren't going to want to go arrest 10 million men even assuming none of them turn violent and counter attack.

I realize that I am just wondering out loud here but does anyone know if any of the powers that be have even acknowledged that job loss and a new great depression might, just this once, be a teensy weensy reason why ex-wifey can't remain in Starbucks and Saks 5th avenue shoes this month? Wondering if anyone knows if any judge has resisted the jail em all mentality in light of this economic hurricane that is hitting.

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Victim #66: Lesson Learned Late

The "Legal system" involved in divorce is perverted, corrupt, and morally bankrupt. A woman who has planned this out well can call 911 and falsely claim domestic abuse which involves the inept criminal justice system. The public perception is that all of these are legimate and that these men are dogs. That puts the husband immediately on the defensive. Then comes the restraining order along with the divorce papers.

This is a legal way that you can literally get kicked out of your own home and I have seen it happen. Usually the domestic violence charges are dropped....for say 20 grand....because real domestic violence is a felony conviction and it may affect your ability to earn income....they don't want to kill the golden goose. Their intent is to always have a legal advantage and the lawyers know that all of this is just a game.

Married men in this country are at risk every day and they don't have a clue. Somehow the average Joe needs to know that every time he works overtime, every time that he takes a course or training, every time that he tries to better himself and his family educationally or financially he is putting himself at greater and greater risk. THAT is what the American Man needs to understand. I learned it too late.

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Victim #66: Pitfall of Imputing Income in These Economic Times

I don't know of a whole lot of people who has lost their job but it seems clear that this is what is on the horizon and approaching like a runaway train. With the standard practice of "imputing" income for child support and alimony firmly a part of the family court system there is no give if something like this happens.

The numbers of men currently under orders is staggering and well into the millions, when these men start losing their jobs, their houses, their life savings, etc. the obvious solution on the part of the talking heads (who caused this mess in the first place but that is another topic) will be to swell the jail population - but that too has its limits.

Mass disobedience seems to me to be the only real possible outcome. If even 10% of the current total case load went back to court you'd clog the system well beyond its capacity to operate. Of course we've outsourced justice to organizations like Maximus who are free to take whatever they want without consequence but eventually even this level of plunder has its limits.

Child support terror operates within the framework of assets that are easy to steal, people who are easy to jail, and compliance. All of this falls apart when your primary concern is bread lines and basic survival. There are just too many parasites and not enough hosts and the standard practice of torturing the host doesn't work when the host is facing a choice of life or death if it continues to support everything the U.S. demands.

It is already the case that certain acts of theft will get you less jail time than a child support contempt order will. Heck if they do the revolving contempt order (with new contempt for six months generated every month you are in jail) *murder* starts looking like a reasonable alternative.

My point is something needs to give and the U.S. has a very poor track record of ever admitting that its made a mistake. I think the last time that happened was with the repeal of prohibition and those in charge have shown that this knowledge is quickly forgotten as they continue to prosecute the war on drugs as if it made any difference.

Countries can and have existed as slave states for a time but they all eventually collapse as slave labor just isn't as efficient. People work much harder for themselves than they do for others regardless how hard you whip them. What I see happening is the run up to the fall of the Soviet Union where everyone was a slave, no one really wanted to do anything, and this apathy ran so thick that it eventually overcame the fear of being punished.

Even sadist judges who enjoy torturing men need an army of loyal serfs to carry out their wishes, and if their hearts aren't really in it then nothing happens. At the very least arresting people (and housing them) is work and the police aren't going to want to go arrest 10 million men even assuming none of them turn violent and counter attack.

I realize that I am just wondering out loud here but does anyone know if any of the powers that be have even acknowledged that job loss and a new great depression might, just this once, be a teensy weensy reason why ex-wifey can't remain in Starbucks and Saks 5th avenue shoes this month? Wondering if anyone knows if any judge has resisted the "jail em all" mentality in light of this economic hurricane that is hitting.

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Victim #65: Second Wives At Risk

I can only speak for MA, but the courts absolutely go after a second wife's assets and income when calculating an alimony award after modification. Technically, the second wife's income/assets are only supposed to be included if a purposeful transfer of assets has been proven to avoid alimony.

All of us have been to court and know what really happens, my husband and my self have a prenup - are not in business together - do not file taxes together - have separate bank accounts, but the MA courts used my income added to my husband's income to calculate the payment to my husband's former wife - her income increased by $14,000 after our marriage. Reasoning of the court - my husband now had more excess income to pay alimony - he supports her, I support him.

This almost split us up - but then I got mad - and I have made it my mission to change the law in MA; but my advice, don't get married, commit to each other, but protect the person you love from this same type of court abuse - what does a marriage license mean anyway except a license for an ex-spouse to go after more income.

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Victim #64: Judge Wants Victim to Work Overtime to Pay Alimony

And just how many ex spouses can we be ordered to support?

I would still like to see a list of how much money everyone pays to support an ex spouse. What is an, "ex spouse," really worth? Might there be some injustice in the differing dollar amounts we pay?

Was it illegal for the female judge to order me to liquidate my 401(k) retirement account to pay for my ex's attorney bills? When her attorney found I didn't have enough money to cover his bill, he was kind enough to let me make additional payments over two years, interest free! What a guy!

Maybe the female judge figured that since I was a Registered Nurse, I might enjoy helping strangers going through a period of illness in their lives, so I wouldn't mind working an extra 13 hour weekend shift every week for the rest of my life, to support an abusive, and at times, mentally ill ex, that set a fire in the house, and frequently threatened to kill me, for stupid things like making eye contact with someone, or walking into a neighbors home.

The judge, most likely thought I enjoyed it when my ex accused me of having affairs with her friends, her daughter's friends, my sister, my Mother, and, what brought me to the breaking point, our two Long coat Chihuahua's.

God help me. I pay $1395.00 a month. I know Doctors and Attorneys that pay less, or nothing at all! How much do Judges pay in alimony cases to their exs?

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Victim #63: Government Enforced Slavery

Who would have thought that people react negatively to being made into slaves - which is what this is. Forcing another human being to work for the sole benefit of someone else punishable by violence. Slavery on a large industrial scale as we have it today with alimony and child support absolutely requires government to enforce it. Only the government is large enough, impersonal enough, and brutal enough to keep the beast fed.

I don't remember where I read this but it was an article about the manner in which Africans were transported to the American colonies. They were kept below decks, which of course in the sun and heat caused multiple cases of heat stroke and increased casualties, thereby increasing the cost (for those of African decent please forgive the brutality of bringing up money and not humanity as the controlling factor - it is sadly the truth then as it is today). So why didn't the slavers let their cargo on deck? It wasn't that they were worried about mutiny - they crew had the muskets and swords. It was because many of the people they were transporting would rather throw themselves overboard then become slaves.

Today we have a simple solution for this, we simply ignore the fact that men are killing themselves in record numbers and just bring it up as another reason men are bad as compared to the moral superiority of the female. Heck i've seen comments in forums where feminist A complains that her ex killed himself and feminists B - Z are furious at the guy because he had an ex he was to support and this slight was proof that he was going to hell. He should have worked harder and made sure he had a life insurance policy or three that paid out even in the event of suicide.

This is what we are dealing with and the only solution to such cruelty is just to walk away. The government makes money based on our misery, many men are too busy working to think it could happen to them, and when you get down to it 90% of women (even those married to men having to pay this) support it because when the chips are down they too would take the money if offered. Salvation from such, when a bulk majority is for such a pogrom, can only come about with the elimination of those enslaved or complete collapse of the system.

I believe the current economic depression may provide for the latter. As men lose their jobs and the jails fill up with arrears slaves, the costs to the government will be enormous. Heck one or two slaves may decide as Sengbe Pieh (aka Joseph Cinque) did that they won't go quietly. Of course in the case of the Amistad they were eventually freed through law and we all know that would never happen here and now with such a despicable act especially one that is so against "THE CHILDREN!!!" (i.e. our ex's who can't seem to find that equality means they should actually support themselves) 10 million dads going to jail is just too much even for our current budding police state.

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The 3rd Race at the Honeymoon Is Over Downs

Now for a moment of levity. The following video is hilarious. Be sure to watch it.

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Victim #62: Lifetime Sentence in Virginia

In 2002 my divorce was final and following my attorneys advice sat quietly as the judge gave my soon to be ex lifetime alimony. The sum of which leveled me. Her lawyer and the judge both agreed that I could get another job to survive after they took almost half my months earnings.

A month later we were back in court and that amount was reduced to 350.00 a month. But the fact remained that she would get this amount either until she remarried or deid. Lifetime alimony! Again I sat there quietly as she was given all my retirement savings, the equity in the house, (the land was never put in our name). I had no idea then that I could appeal this or even limit it's existence.

Here I am 5 years later and every time I look at my pay stub I see those words. Spousal support. Since the day our divorce was finalized she has lived rent free with her aunt. Has been fired from a few jobs and payed her truck payment with her credit cards. (We split those and I paid my half off, she bankrupted hers this year.) Now she has a full time job and no desire to better herself unless you count nails and hair. No further education. She still has no rent or mortage, no utilities and now no debts to pay.

I work full time and make good money and pay all my debts. It burns my tail some times when I see that 1 out of 4 of my checks go to her and will for life. I have thought about taking her back to court but fear that she will get more instead of less, that would just about kill me. I live in Virginia and believe this is not a state a man would want to divorce in. I was being sentenced before the divorce was over and now have a lifetime sentence to someone I care to have nothing to do with.

What can I do? Do I have any options?

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Victim #61: Some Women Give Others A Bad Name

My husband and I recently married. I've known him for years and years and was fully aware of the alimony order in place from their divorce 4 years ago. They were only married for 10 years.

Problem is that she became enraged when she found out that we got married and had the audacity to purchase a new home. The one thing that she doesn't know is that I make considerably more money than he does (about 3x). So everything that we have is because I purchased it.

Long story short, she's taking him back to court for payment of arrearages owed (from when he was unemployed in 2003 and the alimony was $350 a week) and for contempt of court. The contempt charges stem from the credit reporting bureaus.

When they divorced they had a considerable amount of credit card debt which of course he got so kindly ordered to pay. But during the time which he was unemployed he was unable to make the payments on time every time. He didn't miss a single payment and hasn't since, but some were late and since the credit was in both their names it got reported to her SSN also. So she is suing him for not "holding her harmless".

This woman is highly educated, a former school teacher and now a paralegal making almost double his income.

I've tried researching the laws in our state to see if I can find any way to get out of this ridiculous obligation, but the only information that I can find is geared towards the recipient. I can't find a single law, judgment, or ruling that protects the payor.

I'm sorry, but it's women that do these sort of things that give the rest of us a bad name!

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Victim #60: Right to Choose Own Employment Denied to Former Husband

Something that blows me away is that if you divorce and have an alimony obligation, they can prevent you from changing careers if that meant less money was available to support the "entitled" party.

How did we lose this right to choose our own employment situation simply because we got divorced?

I am considering doing this, and had a chat with my attorney Friday about the ramifications of doing this - and was warned "don't".

This brings up another constitutional issue (I think - but maybe I am wrong)...when did her rights supersede my rights? I can understand if we were talking about a child, but we're talking about another adult. So if you are married or single or divorced without any alimony obligation, you are free to do whatever you want employment wise - but if you have an alimony obligation, you are essentially a slave.

My attorney said "well if you can get a doctor in to testify that you are sick and continuing to work in this line of work will eventually kill you"... I probably can get such testimony - but it burns me up that I would have to go to that trouble...whatever happened to I just don't like doing this anymore and would like to do something else?

Why is it the court's business what I choose to do? I'm stuck where I'm at. I have to continue to do a job I don't like because it benefits another adult who has an entitlement at my expense. If I quit and do something else, then I am voluntarily underemployed and they can still attribute my previous salary regardless of what I am making....that is the crux of my complaint though...how can this not be some violation of my rights to tell me what I can and cannot do to earn a living and that I have to make "x" amount of dollars or more....

And they wonder why violence happens....

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Victim #59: Cohabitating Ex Uses Children as a Weapon

There are minor children involved and we have NO problem paying child support, my husband went to mediation first never a lawyer (his mistake) but he thought it was for the best not to have a long battle.

His ex definitely uses the children as a weapon to hurt my husband, but he knows that and does not try to let it get to him... As for co-habituating,we know her boyfriend has free access to the house and is there just about every night.

We stopped paying alimony and she took us to court, we had documentation including pictures when we went to court..the judge still found my husband in contempt and now we have an evedentury hearing on May 23...Since that first court hearing we have not seen his car at the house, but my husbands youngest who is almost 6 told us " mommy picks up Paul so, daddy doesn't no he is here and then we take him to his house in the Morning!!!!"

So we feel lost and defeated our lawyer is no help and we are broke...about to lose our house, our car so if you could help I would not know how to thank you...My husband is very smart and could totally represent himself with the right help!!! Thanks again!!!

BTW- His ex- was working full time during the divorce and has now dropped to part time, and she does not even work in the field where she has a degree...she could be making twice as much as my husband...but why work when your getting a free 2400.00 a month!!!!

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Victim #58: Typical Parent Alienation Syndrome in Progress

My husband was married for 18 years. His wife ruined him with debt while he was traveling the country as a computer consultant.

His job was out-sourced to India and he has become a regular employee of the computer services company he did the consulting work for, at around half the pay. The court did not seem to see this as his best recourse nor understand that what looked like an elevated salary as a consultant should have been seen in light of his responsibility for paying taxes and his families health care, to provide another residence for himself in another state and a huge travel expense in order to see his children at all.

The court did not address this situation, which he substantiated with company executives testifying in his defense. He was found to be voluntarily under employed and the court upheld the 2,000 dollars a month for life.

The appeals court did not even address his ex's increased salary. In retrospect, he should never have involved himself in a divorce until after the job changed. However, getting wind of the job crisis, his ex filed. He shouldered all of the family debt and asked for joint custody of his then minor children.

He moved from an apartment that did not have identified sex offenders in the complex to something suitable to share custody of his children. The court berated him for the extra expense.

Our lawyer felt it a lost cause to move to appeal the State Court of Appeal decision; better to establish a new strategy for a change of circumstance. We have spent borrowed money on his defense. We have borrowed money to avoid a contempt charge. He does very specialized work that requires an "on-call" availability that makes an additional job problematic at the very least.

He is not able to provide what he would like to do for his now young adult children. The children and first wife feel obligated to some privileged status. His ex has made his son and daughter believe he is a deadbeat and does not love them. They have deserted him.

His son was encouraged to default on a twenty thousand dollar student loan his father co-signed, and his daughter has tattooed a RIP eulogy for her father on her arm after he was unable to give her a car. I am so worried about his health in the face of the added betrayal of his children..

We are looking for advise on building a future case and affiliation with any group advocating change.

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Did You Know? Alimony Videos

Alimony: A lottery

Alimony: A Wedding Scene

Victim #57: Court Involves Second Wife's Income To Pay Her Husband's Alimony

I am still completely dumb struck by what happen to us in court this week. I am going to restrain myself from calling my husband's former spouse names...although I have come up with some very creative ones lately.... But if there was ever a case of injustice, this is one.

When my husband and his former spouse divorced, he was far more honorable and generous with making sure she was going to be financially okay. It is a complicated story of the wife and children being involved in a cult like religion and when he would no longer be involved in the religion, they shunned him. The divorce came shortly there after and my husband gets stuck with a life sentence of crazy alimony.

Last summer my husband lost his job, after a bit of push and shove, a modification, she had the audacity to come after my income on the grounds of total household income. After almost $9,000 in legal fees, the only good news was my husband didn't have to go to jail; but his new order is to give her $510.00 a week, yes a week until she reaches the age of 65.

She earns $31,500.00 a year on her on and he has to provide another $26,520.00. I feel as if someone flicked the crazy switch in the court system. We learned we have no rights.

I am a strong headed tenacious Irish woman and I just can't roll over and give up; this injustice offends me as a citizen of the United States.

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Victim#56: The Reality of Divorce

My husband is wonderful, my marriage is not my nightmare. My nightmare has come at the hands of my own government in Family and Probate Court.

After years of being divorced during which time I was a hard working contributing member of society, I met and married my husband - to find love and a partner for the balance of my life was a dream come true at my age.

My nightmare began when my husband lost his job. You see, he was married at 20 and divorced at 41; his former wife, although she is highly educated and works in the allied nursing profession, has been awarded alimony because their marriage was considered a long term marriage.

This became my nightmare when the court determined that my income, that of the second spouse, should go to paying alimony to the first spouse because my new husband was out of work and didn't have the income to meet his alimony obligation on his own. You have read correctly, the second wife is expected to contribute to the support of the fist wife.

I want to emphasize: This is not child support, the children are grown and on their own. The first wife received 80% of all assets at the time of divorce, she is healthy and quite capable of supporting herself, she earns a salary in excess of her expenses. But because of draconian laws and practices in our Family Court system her former husband is expected to pay, pay, pay alimony for a very long time and now I am expected to do so also. One former spouse has a life of financial ease the other former spouse has a life of financial burden with no opportunity for retirement, career change of a peaceful life.

This is the reality of divorce / marriage and the intrusion of archaic laws in modern day life.

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Victim #55: Neither Party Won In The Divorce

My lawyer---------------$15,000
Her lawyer------------ --$17,000
Forensic accountant--- --$31,000
Mediator-------------- ---$3,500

Total------------------ -$66,500

Am I a doctor, a lawyer, CEO????? I am a mechanic who saved up and bought his own shop, worked 12 hour, 6 days a week, bought two warehouses and lost everything.

Is she better off, nope-alone, bitterness in her face, smoking, unhappy and broke.

My daughter? Better off. Nope, I can't pay her a dime for college. My two boys? Nope, flunking out of their fifth primary school.

And florida gets involved for what?

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Victim #54: Second Wife Finds No Justice From Judges

My story is a very long one so I will give you the gist of it. Yes I am a second wife, my husbands X had cheated on him and left him for other men during the last six years they were married, she had been seeing the same guy for the last four years of the marriage and was in and out of the house. Every time she wanted back in the marital home she attempted suicide for simpathy. Well she did end up finally leaving for the boyfriend that is when my husband and I got together.

My husband filed for divorce after she moved in with the boyfriend. A few months later we received a phone call that once again she had attempted suicide she shot herself in the face with the boyfriends gun that she had taken form his home that she was living in at the time with him. The divorce proceedings were put on hold while she recovered (YES she survived even though the bullet went through her brain).

Once recovered and was back living with the boyfriend is when the nightmare began. She then filed for divorce even though my husband had filed a year earlier. The Judge awarded her lifetime alimony due to she was now disabled and on SSDI, forced my husband to sell their marital home. She got all the proceeds, plus he was to maintain a $100,000.00 life insurance policy with her as the beneficiary.

She let about a year go by and she wanted more, so she filed a modifacation. This took about another year to get through because she was trying to involve all of my personel info just to aggrivate me. She was not happy when she found out we had married.

Well the Judge modified the alimony from $150.00 per week to $400.00 per week even though she could not proove any change of circumstance except that her SSDI had increased twice since the divorce. Now we are in and out of court for contempt because we can not afford this. We have lost so much just trying to keep up.

In August the Judge sent my husband to Jail for not paying her attorney fees which she was also awarded because we did not have the money to pay (Thank God for friends and family they helped me get him out). Meanwhile his attorney withdrew so we were trying to go pro-se. That did not work so we retained a new attorney on a credit card and have filed for a modifacation to lower the amount but realistically don't think the Judge will lower it.

I have also been getting involved in the Jail4Judges where they have to be accountable for their actions and realize once they are appointed, it's a whatever mood I'm in, is what the ruling will be and there are no worries aboout loosing my position.

This also comes from my side of the story. Let's put it this way, same Judge and yet my X owes over $60,000.00 in back child support and still continues not to pay. I have agreed to let him lower the payments twice and still nothing. He is in contempt and has been since 2001 he walks out of court every time with a slap on the wrist.

So I agree in ending lifetime alimony, but I also think the Judges are to blame the laws need to be changed. I have contacted some local papers along with people that are running for Govenors Council and Govenor but one voice can't due it.

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Victim #53: Prefers Jail to Paying Alimony

Big mistake getting married. Now both of your incomes become one and the more money and assets the more the judge is going to take away from you. I did the same (got Married) and to my surprise my alimony went up from $1200.00 to $1500.00 a month because I was also unable to pay her alimony on time due to "change in circumstances".

I had to divorce my second wife, because she did not think it was fair for her having to work and helping me give my other ex-wife such an obnocious amount of money. And she was totally right. So, we the slaves have no rights, no future, and not a chance to have a decent life as long as we have to pay another working adult what the LAW calls ALIMONY.

That is my situation. I quit my job in Miami and came to Puerto Rico to have some peace of mind and start a new life. I was "WRONG". The judge in Broward County (Alan Marks) told me that that was my choice and that I was underemployed. Well so are thousands here with degrees that can find a decent job. My average salary here is about $1400.00 a month and I still have to pay my Ex $900.00 a month.

I am so tired of working to have to support her that I am about to not give her anything else and just go to jail. At least there I will have 3 meals a day and a place to sleep.

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Victim #52: A Letter To A Reuter's Reporter Regarding Divorce Article

MS Stern:

Your Reuter's article from Washington is well taken, giving excellent advice to the divorcing spouse. The article is gender biased but I would like to assume it applies to the many women who are paying alimony. But lets take a look at how it really works based on my personal experience, which is typical of most "experiences" by the male giver in a divorce situation.

My "X" did hire all of the consultants you recommended and I had none, being quite naive at the time. So the bottom line was that she ended up with lifetime alimony (her life). This means that I can never remarry with a state license for fear of my new spouse being sued for alimony payments. The "X" is litigious to a fault. The "family law system" has also made it illegal for me to marry without a license.

She received 100% of the market value of the house, I made up the difference between what it actually sold for and the "market" value. That and other cash entitlements that her consultants felt she needed meant that I ended up with negative cash flow and was required to sell all (three pieces) of the North Georgia property I received in the settlement.

That left me with $199 of a 30 year aerospace pension, no savings, and no social security as I developed a heart condition and had to retire before social security started.

So I am now 70 years old, have a significant other and we live up here in the mountains on my social security. We don't use the air conditioner and cut our wood for heat in the winter. We do odd jobs to supplement the social security. Our entertainment is Saturday night when we go to Arbys and Wally World.

The "X" vacations in Australia and Europe and makes two trips from her gated community in the Sail Fish Capitol of the World to Connecticut in her Chrysler convertible. This year she plans a trip to England.

Please take another look. Interview some men. Get the real story.

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Victim #51: The More They Get, The More They Want

My husband has to pay permanent alimony to his Ex-wife XXXX.

1992 XXXX had an affair and filed for divorce. Everything was split in half. She received $600,000.00 and he paid for her Master’s degree at Columbia University. He also paid for her Bachelors degree. He had to pay $3500.00 month alimony.

He had (Whole Life) Ins. policy that she wanted cashed in. She received the full amount of $98,455.29. Then she wanted (Term Life) Ins. policy. Term means limited period of time. She was the (owner (meaning in control) and beneficiary) of the 7-year term policy and he made the payments.

He was diagnosed with Early Alzheimer’s December 1998 and had to quit work as a Physician. He took her back to court May 1999 to get alimony eliminated but the (mediator) Judge would only lower it to $2100.00 a month and now they gave it to her tax-free. They said it was because he was getting his disability tax-free.

April 2002 Michael took her back to court because she is teaching at a School of Art & Design in XXXX & was working at XXXX & has a live in XXXX (who is a Family Law Attorney.) They have been together since March of 1994. They won’t marry because she would loose her alimony.

After finding out she was fired from XXXX his attorney was going to stop the proceeding but she counter-sued because the (term) policy was going to expire and she wanted $250,000.00 to replace that policy.

When we realized that Judge Thompson wasn’t aware of the WHOLE life policy our Attorney wanted to present more facts and the Judge didn’t want to hear anymore. The Judge ruled Michael had done an anticipatory breach by not keeping the TERM policy SHE OWNED in effect. The Policy stated it could not be converted.

Judge Thompson didn’t raise or lower alimony and said NO to the $250,000.00. She took it to the appellant court. We couldn’t tell the appellant court he had a whole life because we had not told Judge Thompson. The 3 Judges granted her $250,000.00 to receive if he dies before her and she is still eligible. Yet alimony is supposed to stop when he dies. They are treating the Insurance policy as though it were a WHOLE life.

This lawsuit that started in 2002 is not over. Next court date is with a new Judge that really doesn’t know the case. So far we have paid $63,019.41 for his attorney and the Judge made him pay $51,591.68 to her attorney and She is now asking for $7,500,00 more in fees.

[Editor's note: Notice the transfer of wealth of approx. $117,000 from the parties assets to the bank accounts of lawyers. The legal industry profits immensely from adversarial relationships resulting from one of the parties greed along with the blessing of the family law court injustice system. They show no mercy on the sick and suffering while rewarding egregious behavior.]

She is still teaching Interior Design at XXXX and since 2003 is the Interior Designer at XXXX in XXXX. The law is allowing these men and women receiving alimony to get a free ride and it is not fair. Permanent alimony should be abolished. Please change the law now. My husband will need his money for his care.

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Want to lower your alimony payments? Find out how by clicking here.

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Victim #50: Lifetime Alimony Award Infers Women Unable To Support Themselves

My wife and I have been sleeping in difference rooms for about 8 years. I was very upset for her spending tens of thousands of dollars without even telling me until I found out from the credit report. This has happened 4 times in the past 10 years --- over $100k has gone while I have no idea what she has bought – she does not want to show me the credit card statement at all.

I stay in this marriage for the kids and I want to spend more time with them. Also, I have been suspicious that she is gay, but I am too busy to look around for the evidence. Really a very unhappy family life. Then I had an affair last year. My daughter found out recently and told my wife. Then my wife filed divorce (though I had been thinking of filing too after kids are older, the two young kids are 15 yrs now, oldest is 19 yrs).

My take-home is about $11k, hers is about $3.5k (she has a part-time job, could be working full-time). Then her attorney sent me a letter stating that I need to pay her permanent alimony of $6.5k monthly. Even my wife said that she would not get that amount but the attorney put the number there, I guess it is for negotiation purpose. We have one house and a second vacation house on mortgage.

I talked with one of the top family law attorney in south Florida here, who said that I may need to pay $4.5k lifelong alimony, which will leave me less than $1000 after the mortgage, child support and alimony. And another one said $1.5k - 2.5k alimony.

I have been thinking how unfair it is, if the law in Florida is to award a lifelong alimony to one spouse just by making the payer spouse poor or as a kind of punishment by even making the payer spouse not living a happy life after divorce, since FL is a no-fault state, while the purpose of the law is to have both spouse maintain the current life standards.

Nowadays, the world is talking about human rights and equality. The lifelong alimony is certainly swaying from this and putting women into a weaker position, because it assumes that women can NOT support themselves after divorce, that women will NOT gain the right of making a living by themselves, and that women are denied of the right of education!

-30-

Victim #49: Unequal Distribution In A Community Property State

I'll make this as brief as possible. After 22 years of marriage my wife and I started going thru a divorce. 1 1/2 years later we had a preliminary hearing in which the judge stated 1.)that we would either split pensions 50/50 because Maine is a 50/50 State or each keep our own. 2.) No alimony 3.) I would continue paying child support till our youngest was 18. This was reasonable.

Three months later the Judge at our final hearing ruled that she could take 50% of my retirement and keep all of hers. Her retirement system is a much better plan than mine; hers is a state system. She would also take 60% of one 401K and 50% of the other. She will also receive $100.00 a week LIFE TIME ALIMONY. She earns $48,500 yr with summers off. My base at the time was 52,500 + 8,400 Bonus for not having the company provided insurance policy,which I would loose when I was no longer on the wifes plan. $8,000 was also added for quarterly bonuses. These bonuses were not this high and we haven't made them the past 2 quarters (Not Guaranteed).

There isn't any stipulation such the x-wife remarrying or financial gain to end this Life-Time Servitude. Her oldest brother has his own law firm and all the attorneys and judges know each other. She bragged about this to our sons. What now?

We had the final hearing in Oct 2005. The judges order came out end of Nov - beginning of Dec. My attorney filed a Motion to reconsider, which we did not receive till the end of Feb, 2006. The judge stayed with his original order. We then filed a motion for findings of fact. The judge still has not replied to this yet as of my knowledge. My attorney does not return my calls. I spoke with her about 3 weeks ago and have been trying to reach her on several occaisions. My youngest son turned 18 on Feb 10, 2006. No settlement agreements.

Haven't been able to reach my attorney for several weeks. I did receive a letter from my attorney yesterday which is a copy of the opposing atty asking the Maine District Court to find me in contempt for alimony payments. I asked my attorney's secretary a few weeks ago to see about being able to have the payments direct deposited but never a got a response. I can't seem to get representation in this case whatsoever.

I am torn as to weather I should be making alimony payments or not? I mean I want to fight this and if I'm making payments during the interim I would like to do it in a manner that best protects me. She used to lie about not receiving child support, I had to show the records of all the checks she had cashed. Every week was accounted for!

I never failed to make child supprt payments. The judge actually increased the amount I was required to pay under Maine guidelines by about $250. a month and made it retroactive back over 1 1/2 yrs to when I was still living at home. She would actually hold on to some checks and wait to cash them all at once. Then it started being deducted from my pay to DHHS State of Maine. At least she couldn't mess with those records.

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Victim #48: One Victim's Legal Representation Opinion

I am in Tampa, Florida and Yes I "had" an attorney. The other day she decided to withdraw from my case based on "irreconcilable differences", according to her, she felt that by me not agreeing to: lifetime alimony, not authorizing to pay my wife's retainer up front and my unwillingness to change the mediation date she considered me unreasonable.

My Atty, will be at mediation but after that she's gone. I read at the Florida Bar association that if I even notion any sort of threat, she (my atty.) can take action against me. Wow....

So I think I will go to mediation and try to make this journey on my own. By the way, this is my second attorney, they all seem to be somewhat unattached, uncaring and disinterest. I've paid about 10K and running out of money, knowing what my wife is going to get.

Anyway, that's my story.

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Victime#47: Unbelievable!!! And You Thought It Couldn't Happen In America

Hello friends,

I have a question on behalf of my good friend, XXXX that I hope somebody can answer.

Quick background: He finally got his judgment on his alimony modification in June. Judge said no reduction in alimony. In addition XXXX was ordered to 90 days in jail unless he comes up with $250,000 (he could probably come up with $2,500, but certainly not $250,000!), must surrender his passport, must sign a mortage on his home to benefit the ex-wife, must assign 100% of his income to his ex-wife (effectively for the rest of his life, since he earns $48,000 per year and his alimony is $200,000 per year). Must pay $727,000 in arrears to ex-wife, must pay $187,000 to ex-wife's attorney.

Current status: XXXX's attorneys have been arguing with the court regarding its authority to issue such draconian orders, many of which violate his constitutional rights and exceed the power of the court. The court came back last week with its latest judgment retracting only that it will not order XXXX to sign a mortgage to his ex-wife. There is however a judicial lien against the property, which is listed with a broker and which he has been trying to sell this summer. The house is his only remaining asset.

XXXX has to go before the judge again on August 25. It sounds like he will have to go to jail at this point for 90 days.

His question: He is worried about what will happen to his wife and children while he is in jail. His wife is self-employed and he is worried that the court might try to disrupt his wife's business or attach her income in some way. I told him that as far as I know, the court can look at her information, and consider her income when making a judgment, but can only make orders against him and his assets. Is this true?

This is my own question: It seems to me that he cannot be determined to be in contempt of court and placed in jail if he does not have the ability to pay. Jail is a penalty for wilfully disobeying the court and cannot be used in a punative manner. Can he fight this and get released somehow? 90 days is a long time for an innocent man to sit behind bars.

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Victim #46: Second Wife Scared of The Future - Living in a Nightmare

Trust me- it's no better in Illinois. My husband is paying his ex $3750/45k plus $3k annually for kid's health insurance plus $2k annually for additional activities, plus $150.00 a week, per child (2) for out of network psychologists, plus his income has been reduced to $65K BEFORE taxes- plus ungodly attorney's fees that keep coming. Bear in mind there is NOTHING wrong emotionally with these teenagers accept a deranged, jealous, bitter Mother.

She wanted the divorce and my husband got stuck for 2 years of dragging on the nightmare. Illinois does not promote permanent alimony- they were married for 18 years and then separated, celebrating their 20 anniversary across a mediation table. She is 46, has a college degree and was a bank VP when they married.

Her wealthy father supplements her income of $65k plus- in addition, pays all of her attorney's fees and then she sues my husband for more "crap". As the "agreement" reads- it looks like permanent unallocated maintenance of $3750/$45,000 until she is dead. She inherited over $100K last year according to an ally of my husband's. She also has a new job making more money but I don't know how to prove any of this.

The judge told my husband (we were just dating at the time) he should settle w/this or it would be worse at trial. He can't afford college for his daughter next year. The evil witch will likely pay the tuition (her Dad will) and she'll sue my husband even though she won't sit down and talk to him about this.

It's frightening that a judge would allow a man to have to pay this for life and then some... His daughter is now 18 and his son is 15, going on 16. With no money for college for these kids, I don't know what the court will say here. It's really scary. Trust me, $1,000.00 monthly for life would be a lot better.

I can never stop working and I am likely not going to be ale to quit work so I can raise a child we want to adopt. He has to pay an evil witch 45K to spend on herself- trust me, she shops for sale clothes at Kohl's and spends thousands on a new sport SUV for herself and redecorating the house. He has NOTHING but debt and it continues to grow and I am scared to death about what kind of future we have.

He was making $110K and now making $65K as he has to give her $45K. She claimed in court (her jackass attorney) that as a college graduate and ex- bank vice president, she was only able to make $20K with her personal business. What a crock.

My husband also pays over $3k for health insurance, a fortune of debt for psychologists she forces them to continue to see, $3k plus interest left for his son's braces, $2k annually for extra children's activities b/c the $45k is not enough for this greedy miserable piece of white trash. He has emptied any savings from 401K to pay for ongoing attorney's fees.

The decree is a nightmare. The attorney says he will have to go back and fight but with what? She gets a ton of money from her Dad, has a new job and we don't know how to verify this... It's just awful.

She also got the house which is valued at $750K right now. They are suppose to discuss a special ed college program for their daughter and agree between themselves how to pay for this. She will ignore this, have her Dad pay the $30K for the year and sue my husband for all of it. She will then increase her income even more because she won't disclose her new employment I don't know what to do.

She should be held in contempt for failure to disclose a better job and more income (modifying the $45K she gets)and not complying with the parenting agreement to disclose new employment and to agree to sit down and discuss this child's future.

His CS obligation would have been about $17k for 2 children in Illinois or $13K for one. His daughter is 18 now and though she is mentally handicapped, she is very high functioning and able to learn to live independently of her codependent mother. If this child can go to a college support program, he should be relieved of the CS for her so he could apply that toward school. I

t's a nightmare. He cannot continue at this pace. Can they force him to take out a loan when he will have no extra $$ to pay the loan back? Someone wake me from the nightmare.

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Victim #45: Slave For 31 Years In Tennessee

I live in Nashville Tenn area, will be glad to help. I am in my 31st year of paying alimony.

I just went thru about $15K trying to get it eliminated, but did not prevail, even tho she makes more money than I, and I am retired.

Does not make a difference to these jerks. Now they want me to pay her attorney fees on top of all this. Sure makes me happy, I can tell you I am smiling all the way to the bank???

The Tenneessee Supreme Court refused to accept the case, no reason given, said they did not have to give one!

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Victim # 44: Alimony Forcing Spouse To Escape To Another State Or Country

I was divorced in XXXX in Lee Co. by Judge Ralph Stearns. My $5000 per month lifetime alimony has been reduced to $2500 per month - which is still unmanageable. I have since re-married and the alimony is a constant burden.

My ex-wife has followed me through the courts in Massachusetts and Georgia. I had to agree to a $70,000 back alimony to prevent being incarcerated. I have had to file for Ch.13 bankruptcy because I could not afford to pay back income taxes and credit cards and pay the exorbitant alimony.

I have filed Pro Se motions in Lee County court, Florida State Court and the 11th District Court with no resolution.

I am seriously considering two employment offers in Dublin, Ireland in order to escape this alimony madness. I also am considering a job in Texas which may allow me to escape the Florida courts when my ex tries to domesticate the wage garnishment order.

Florida court mandated alimony really is an invasion of my right to privacy. If I was married I could choose to not work and would not have to face incarceration for contempt of court for non-income. But since I am divorced, I don't have that option. Nor can I choose a lesser job at a lesser salary.

Thank you for the consideration.

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Victim #43: Dim Future For Navy Retiree

Here is my story. I left my wife of 23 years. I am a retired Navy O-4 with 24 years of service. My wife was awarded Alimony for life in the amount of $1000 per month as well as 50 percent of my Navy retirement “PAY”. After I pay the alimony, my net retirement pay is $427.02 per month before taxes for 24 years of service! I have now paid alimony at this level for 14 years.

In early 1993 my ex wife moved in with her significant other. They lived together in his house for the first couple of years where she paid his mortgage payment as well as money to fix up his house. Then she bought a house of her own in Satellite Beach in 1995. They moved there together and sold his house. They are still living there together today after 13 years. He contributes to the mortgage payment and other household expenses.

I took her back to court in 2000 to try to get alimony reduced or eliminated. She had more than doubled her annual income to approximately $40,000, was receiving about $1500 per month as half my retirement pay, was receiving the $1000 per month alimony and had someone else sharing her expenses. Her net worth in 2000 had grown to about $350,000 (This was her estimate which was well beyond conservative). To her credit, my ex wife has invested almost all of the alimony she has received (discovered in the 2000 court proceedings) which is a very strong indicator that she does not need the alimony for living expenses. She has made no effort whatsoever to go back to school or to improve her skills.

Our (current wife and my) net worth was well below hers in 2000 and we are not free spenders. Of course I started 1992 very deep in debt as a result of having to pay all divorce expenses while maintaining two residences through the completion of the divorce. It took years for me to dig back to ground zero again. The Brevard Judge who heard my case in 2000 agreed in his findings that I had a non-frivolous case. However, he did not change anything since (due to inflation) my alimony had he said, for all practical purposes, gone down already. He did make my ex pay all her own attorney’s fees since she could easily afford them. No judge wants to set a precedent such as terminating alimony in the State of Florida even if it is the right thing to do.

Since 2000 my ex wife has changed jobs again and is making even more money now. I know the company she works for (since I used to work for them too) and they are very generous with both salary and significant pension plan (beyond 401K). With the new Siplin bill (cohabitation bill), I have given some thought to taking her back to court again, but the judges will be very reluctant to establish case law favorable to those of us paying alimony.

Unless or until I can get rid of the alimony, I will have a very difficult time retiring for good. I will be 60 years old this coming May. If I try to retire and am forced to continue paying this alimony, my ex wife will live in luxury while I live in poverty. That is simply not fair to any of the men or women in Florida who must pay alimony for life or go to jail for making a private decision to get divorced. There are many examples of Florida men and women having to use their Social Security payments to continue providing alimony for 30 years and more – far longer than they were married.

The Alimony laws of the State of Florida are archaic and should be changed. Consider the model of Texas where just a couple of years of rehabilitative support is the norm for those who have the ability to improve themselves. Many states have no alimony. I ask for your consideration in introducing this new bill.

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Open Letter To Florida Govenor Crist

Dear Governor Crist,

I am writing you today to ask you and the Florida Legislature to consider reforming the alimony statute FL 61.08.

Mr. Crist, I have been a XXXX in Jacksonville for 17 years. I have also owned a XXXX business since 1998 and work on my days off. I work approximately 120 hours per week.

I came to the difficult decision to dissolve my 27 year marriage on Sept. 9, 2003, after discovering my wife's third affair during the marriage. This is not what I had in mind when I took my marriage vows. Nor, did I realize how long and costly a divorce in our great state can be. I also did not realize just how involved the State of Florida would become in my PRIVATE decision to end my marriage.

I am now under a court prescribed income deduction order that takes most of my take home pay from the XXXX. I have served proudly to protect the citizens of Jacksonville, and now because I made A PRIVATE DECISION to try to end a marriage of mis-trust and try to start over, the state has ordered me to pay an adulteress ex-wife for the rest of my LIFE and has in effect ordered me to continue to work over 120 hours per week just so I can live. The statute has given the judiciary VERY BROAD DISCRETION when ruling on alimony. It is a VIOLATION of the Separation of Powers Act.

I never imagined I would be sitting here writing to the Governor of Florida. I have never been a very political person. But, I also never imagined I would be taking the risks that a XXXX takes everyday so I could pay State ordered PEONAGE to an adulteress ex-wife. I never imagined I would have to work 3 jobs for the rest of my life just to support myself. This statute is nothing but a form of state sponsored slavery, when, I have to pay her for the REST OF MY LIFE under the threat of imprisonment if I do not pay.

I will be 50 years old on April 17th. I cannot continue to work like I do and expect to be able to enjoy some type of "retirement". I also do not have the financial resources to continue to pay attorney's fees to keep returning to court for modifications. This is the MADNESS this statute creates. There is never any CLOSURE of the marriage dissolution.

All this statute does is create a "welfare" for the recipient. It gives her NO INCENTIVE to become a productive member of society. My ex-wife will receive $26,400.00 per year from my court prescribed income deduction order for permanent alimony. She does not have to lift one finger to earn any of that money. Quite a nice retirement income for her, but I have to continue to work to pay her.

This statute is base on law that is much older that you or I. It is based on laws that were in effect when women had no rights, nor opportunities that they enjoy today. It was based on laws when men owned their women. We both know that is not true today. My ex-wife has an AA degree, is in excellent health, and is more than capable of earning a good salary. My only child is of majority age.

So, Mr. Crist, I ask you if you were in my shoes and have walked the walk I have what would you do? Would you have stayed in the marriage and risked having this happen again? Or would you "take your chances" in the courts and see how you come out.

There are many in our great state sir, and their voices are beginning to be heard by members of the legislature. This law is archaic. It needs to be changed to reflect the way society is today. There are women in our state that have become "victims" of this statute by either being forced to pay their ex-husbands or have become the 2nd wife of the husband that is forced to pay alimony for the rest of their lives. The numbers of people affected by this archaic law are growing everyday. The judiciary is out of control.

I implore you, Governor Crist, to abolish this archaic law.

Sincerely,

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Victim #42: Alimony Encourages A Welfare Mentality In Some Ex-spouses And Discourages Self-sufficiency

In short I agreed to lifetime alimony of $5250 per month. My attorney (who was a poor choice in retrospect) stated that I could go back for modification at a later time.

She received a home worth $500,000 at this time, has approximately $200,000 in savings, and once her father passes on (he is in his late 80’s) will receive a $225,000 home, and likely another $300,000 in savings. At that time I plan on going for a modification to reduce alimony. She has a masters degree in interior design, however refuses to work.

At the time of my signing the agreement my thought processes weren’t very clear (divorce, caring for a very ill father, mother with Alzheimer’s, working full time as a physician with a very heavy workload, trying to be there for my children, supporting all these parties). During the divorce I tried to be kind and didn’t follow some of my attorneys suggestions (stopping temporary support for example, when her attorney delayed sending financial affidavits, paying for my wife’s vacation during the divorce, giving extra monies when she needed them, etc.)

Prior to seeking legal advice for making a plan of action, likely 5 years in the future, I would like to talk to someone knowledgeable about this issue. The issue in the modification won’t be inability to pay (although, sometime in the future, I would love to retire).

I have real estate investments that are and will continue to grow, a pension, investment in stocks, and other businesses. Instead it will be a change in her circumstances. She will likely have a home free and clear (the home that she lives in is for sale for $560,000 and plans on moving (likely she will pay for the home outright in the tune of $350,000) and by the time I go for modification she will likely have $750,000 to $1,000,000 of assets that at a 5% interest can generate $40,000 to $50,000 of income per year.

I desire a straightforward attorney who will truly fight for me. If you have anyone to recommend, I would appreciate it.

[Editors note:] It seem so hypocritical that the same women who are demanding equality with men are demanding that the men support them for a lifetime so they can avoid becoming a self-sufficient and a useful member of society. Me doth think that feminists speak with forked tongue.

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Victim #41: Financial Incentives Of Divorce Encourages Cohabitation To Avoid Loss Of Alimony Welfare Payments

In Sept. 1999 my wife of 27 years went to work for a "friend" left home moved in with him and filed for divorce. Since she had not worked for our entire marriage (her choice) my lawyer told me that since Florida was "no fault" I needed to arrange an agreement. He told me if I went to court I would lose 50% of everything. Part of the resolution was $1000/mo alimony to death or remarriage and life insurance to make sure the alimony was paid.

Today she still lives with this guy and has taken over his position as director of a small private school. This is background. State Sen. Gary Siplin from Orlando has just had bill SB0152 signed into law by Gov. Bush on 6/10.

It not much but it's a start. It at least let's me ask the courts for relief based on her relationship. It may help some of us. I have already filed papers.

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Victim #40: Second Wife Feels Financially Raped By Spouse's Ex

I married a man who was recently divorced, I had nothing to do with his divorce, they were already in process and had retained attorneys. His ex drug out the divorce for almost 3 years. When it was finally ordered he was ordered to pay 1500 a month. An impossible amount.

Went to court for a reconsideration request, and we paid what we could each month. 6 months later she took him back for contempt. now has to pay her pay her 2000 a month, or go to jail!!

This is a able bodied woman who is always out shopping, she has a retirement she failed to reveal, she has to 2 woman who died that named her beneficiary, she has a boyfriend living with her, and receives govt assist and a monthly check, works under the table and commits welfare fraud.

Meanwhile my diabetic aging husband 52, is working day and night 2 jobs, trying to make this outrageous alimony payment. All his income is going to support her. So now the courts have caused financial abandonment to me and my children.

I am unable to go out to work as I have an infant child, and a ADHD 8 year old. The judge knows this... When my husband went for his request for a reduction, we were in the middle of a bankruptcy and his small business had fallen l victim to the economy. But!! The judge goes ahead and accepts accepted income records from 2004!!! to base his decicion on. Divorce was finalized in late 2007. The judge didn't care that there is another woman with 2 children his decision impacted.

I would think that whatever the courts decide they should err on the margin of DO NO HARM - NO FURTHER HARM the extended families and children on both sides that are directly impacted by their decision. Instead, he has put another family into foreclosure, onto the street, and put more burden on the public assistance programs and community that now have to take care of a family of 4, because the judge threw them out with the bathwater when making his outrageously generous decision.

This is not the 50's anymore. Women can work, can get online degrees, get their degree online, start home based or community business. This woman has amassed close to 100k from the original settlement, being a beneficiary in 2 womens wills, and now has taken over 10k out of our low income destitute budget in 1 year. We mad 16K last year. When told of this, he said "In this court I am God, and what I said, stands, regardless" regardless of the fact we have an infant and a learning disabled child, both of which receive govt assistance. WIC & medicaid. State documention of being in these programs proves our destitution. We only make 1600 a month as a family.

I was raised to believe in the legal system and that it was there to protect people who live by Gods and mans law. I was very disappointed in by being an innocent bystander myself and my children's futures and lives are being repeatedly (monthly) being financially raped and beaten by a system designed to provide a sense or order and justice for all. What happened to my rights?? My Pursuits/??

What do I have to do, divorce this guy too so my kids and I can get the courts to reduce her order so my children can have food?? Does child support superseed previous alimony payments, if the children suffer from that order.?? What is the matter with this system!!!

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Article: Financial Incentive To Create "Deadbeat Dads"

Normally, we don't get into child support issues, but here was an interesting article where a government consultant had a financial incentive to create the guidelines used in most jurisdictions to ones that would generate profits to his firm. Does anyone see a conflict of interest here?

Article:

"The gravy train is so rife with such temptations it might appear to have been created for that purpose. In fact, this is precisely what it was. It turns out that the creator of the child-support system used in most jurisdictions is also the founder and primary owner of the nation's largest private collection company which directly profits from the system.

Dr. Robert Williams was a paid consultant with HHS from 1983 to 1990 where he helped establish federally-driven uniform child-support guidelines that significantly increased obligations, according to James Johnston, a member of the Kansas Child Support Guidelines Advisory Committee. One year after joining HHS and the same year the mandatory federal guidelines were created, Williams started Policy Studies Inc. (PSI).

Like the federal, state, and local bureaucracies that employ him, Williams has an interest not only in making the child-support levels as high as possible to increase his share of the take, but also in making them so high that they create arrears for him to collect. In short, he has a financial incentive to create as many "deadbeat dads" as possible."

Source:
American Spectator online edition, 20 August 1999.

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