Victim #59: Cohabitating Ex Uses Children as a Weapon

There are minor children involved and we have NO problem paying child support, my husband went to mediation first never a lawyer (his mistake) but he thought it was for the best not to have a long battle.

His ex definitely uses the children as a weapon to hurt my husband, but he knows that and does not try to let it get to him... As for co-habituating,we know her boyfriend has free access to the house and is there just about every night.

We stopped paying alimony and she took us to court, we had documentation including pictures when we went to court..the judge still found my husband in contempt and now we have an evedentury hearing on May 23...Since that first court hearing we have not seen his car at the house, but my husbands youngest who is almost 6 told us " mommy picks up Paul so, daddy doesn't no he is here and then we take him to his house in the Morning!!!!"

So we feel lost and defeated our lawyer is no help and we are broke...about to lose our house, our car so if you could help I would not know how to thank you...My husband is very smart and could totally represent himself with the right help!!! Thanks again!!!

BTW- His ex- was working full time during the divorce and has now dropped to part time, and she does not even work in the field where she has a degree...she could be making twice as much as my husband...but why work when your getting a free 2400.00 a month!!!!

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Victim #58: Typical Parent Alienation Syndrome in Progress

My husband was married for 18 years. His wife ruined him with debt while he was traveling the country as a computer consultant.

His job was out-sourced to India and he has become a regular employee of the computer services company he did the consulting work for, at around half the pay. The court did not seem to see this as his best recourse nor understand that what looked like an elevated salary as a consultant should have been seen in light of his responsibility for paying taxes and his families health care, to provide another residence for himself in another state and a huge travel expense in order to see his children at all.

The court did not address this situation, which he substantiated with company executives testifying in his defense. He was found to be voluntarily under employed and the court upheld the 2,000 dollars a month for life.

The appeals court did not even address his ex's increased salary. In retrospect, he should never have involved himself in a divorce until after the job changed. However, getting wind of the job crisis, his ex filed. He shouldered all of the family debt and asked for joint custody of his then minor children.

He moved from an apartment that did not have identified sex offenders in the complex to something suitable to share custody of his children. The court berated him for the extra expense.

Our lawyer felt it a lost cause to move to appeal the State Court of Appeal decision; better to establish a new strategy for a change of circumstance. We have spent borrowed money on his defense. We have borrowed money to avoid a contempt charge. He does very specialized work that requires an "on-call" availability that makes an additional job problematic at the very least.

He is not able to provide what he would like to do for his now young adult children. The children and first wife feel obligated to some privileged status. His ex has made his son and daughter believe he is a deadbeat and does not love them. They have deserted him.

His son was encouraged to default on a twenty thousand dollar student loan his father co-signed, and his daughter has tattooed a RIP eulogy for her father on her arm after he was unable to give her a car. I am so worried about his health in the face of the added betrayal of his children..

We are looking for advise on building a future case and affiliation with any group advocating change.

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Victim #57: Court Involves Second Wife's Income To Pay Her Husband's Alimony

I am still completely dumb struck by what happen to us in court this week. I am going to restrain myself from calling my husband's former spouse names...although I have come up with some very creative ones lately.... But if there was ever a case of injustice, this is one.

When my husband and his former spouse divorced, he was far more honorable and generous with making sure she was going to be financially okay. It is a complicated story of the wife and children being involved in a cult like religion and when he would no longer be involved in the religion, they shunned him. The divorce came shortly there after and my husband gets stuck with a life sentence of crazy alimony.

Last summer my husband lost his job, after a bit of push and shove, a modification, she had the audacity to come after my income on the grounds of total household income. After almost $9,000 in legal fees, the only good news was my husband didn't have to go to jail; but his new order is to give her $510.00 a week, yes a week until she reaches the age of 65.

She earns $31,500.00 a year on her on and he has to provide another $26,520.00. I feel as if someone flicked the crazy switch in the court system. We learned we have no rights.

I am a strong headed tenacious Irish woman and I just can't roll over and give up; this injustice offends me as a citizen of the United States.

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Victim#56: The Reality of Divorce

My husband is wonderful, my marriage is not my nightmare. My nightmare has come at the hands of my own government in Family and Probate Court.

After years of being divorced during which time I was a hard working contributing member of society, I met and married my husband - to find love and a partner for the balance of my life was a dream come true at my age.

My nightmare began when my husband lost his job. You see, he was married at 20 and divorced at 41; his former wife, although she is highly educated and works in the allied nursing profession, has been awarded alimony because their marriage was considered a long term marriage.

This became my nightmare when the court determined that my income, that of the second spouse, should go to paying alimony to the first spouse because my new husband was out of work and didn't have the income to meet his alimony obligation on his own. You have read correctly, the second wife is expected to contribute to the support of the fist wife.

I want to emphasize: This is not child support, the children are grown and on their own. The first wife received 80% of all assets at the time of divorce, she is healthy and quite capable of supporting herself, she earns a salary in excess of her expenses. But because of draconian laws and practices in our Family Court system her former husband is expected to pay, pay, pay alimony for a very long time and now I am expected to do so also. One former spouse has a life of financial ease the other former spouse has a life of financial burden with no opportunity for retirement, career change of a peaceful life.

This is the reality of divorce / marriage and the intrusion of archaic laws in modern day life.

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Victim #55: Neither Party Won In The Divorce

My lawyer---------------$15,000
Her lawyer------------ --$17,000
Forensic accountant--- --$31,000
Mediator-------------- ---$3,500

Total------------------ -$66,500

Am I a doctor, a lawyer, CEO????? I am a mechanic who saved up and bought his own shop, worked 12 hour, 6 days a week, bought two warehouses and lost everything.

Is she better off, nope-alone, bitterness in her face, smoking, unhappy and broke.

My daughter? Better off. Nope, I can't pay her a dime for college. My two boys? Nope, flunking out of their fifth primary school.

And florida gets involved for what?

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Victim #54: Second Wife Finds No Justice From Judges

My story is a very long one so I will give you the gist of it. Yes I am a second wife, my husbands X had cheated on him and left him for other men during the last six years they were married, she had been seeing the same guy for the last four years of the marriage and was in and out of the house. Every time she wanted back in the marital home she attempted suicide for simpathy. Well she did end up finally leaving for the boyfriend that is when my husband and I got together.

My husband filed for divorce after she moved in with the boyfriend. A few months later we received a phone call that once again she had attempted suicide she shot herself in the face with the boyfriends gun that she had taken form his home that she was living in at the time with him. The divorce proceedings were put on hold while she recovered (YES she survived even though the bullet went through her brain).

Once recovered and was back living with the boyfriend is when the nightmare began. She then filed for divorce even though my husband had filed a year earlier. The Judge awarded her lifetime alimony due to she was now disabled and on SSDI, forced my husband to sell their marital home. She got all the proceeds, plus he was to maintain a $100,000.00 life insurance policy with her as the beneficiary.

She let about a year go by and she wanted more, so she filed a modifacation. This took about another year to get through because she was trying to involve all of my personel info just to aggrivate me. She was not happy when she found out we had married.

Well the Judge modified the alimony from $150.00 per week to $400.00 per week even though she could not proove any change of circumstance except that her SSDI had increased twice since the divorce. Now we are in and out of court for contempt because we can not afford this. We have lost so much just trying to keep up.

In August the Judge sent my husband to Jail for not paying her attorney fees which she was also awarded because we did not have the money to pay (Thank God for friends and family they helped me get him out). Meanwhile his attorney withdrew so we were trying to go pro-se. That did not work so we retained a new attorney on a credit card and have filed for a modifacation to lower the amount but realistically don't think the Judge will lower it.

I have also been getting involved in the Jail4Judges where they have to be accountable for their actions and realize once they are appointed, it's a whatever mood I'm in, is what the ruling will be and there are no worries aboout loosing my position.

This also comes from my side of the story. Let's put it this way, same Judge and yet my X owes over $60,000.00 in back child support and still continues not to pay. I have agreed to let him lower the payments twice and still nothing. He is in contempt and has been since 2001 he walks out of court every time with a slap on the wrist.

So I agree in ending lifetime alimony, but I also think the Judges are to blame the laws need to be changed. I have contacted some local papers along with people that are running for Govenors Council and Govenor but one voice can't due it.

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Victim #53: Prefers Jail to Paying Alimony

Big mistake getting married. Now both of your incomes become one and the more money and assets the more the judge is going to take away from you. I did the same (got Married) and to my surprise my alimony went up from $1200.00 to $1500.00 a month because I was also unable to pay her alimony on time due to "change in circumstances".

I had to divorce my second wife, because she did not think it was fair for her having to work and helping me give my other ex-wife such an obnocious amount of money. And she was totally right. So, we the slaves have no rights, no future, and not a chance to have a decent life as long as we have to pay another working adult what the LAW calls ALIMONY.

That is my situation. I quit my job in Miami and came to Puerto Rico to have some peace of mind and start a new life. I was "WRONG". The judge in Broward County (Alan Marks) told me that that was my choice and that I was underemployed. Well so are thousands here with degrees that can find a decent job. My average salary here is about $1400.00 a month and I still have to pay my Ex $900.00 a month.

I am so tired of working to have to support her that I am about to not give her anything else and just go to jail. At least there I will have 3 meals a day and a place to sleep.

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Victim #52: A Letter To A Reuter's Reporter Regarding Divorce Article

MS Stern:

Your Reuter's article from Washington is well taken, giving excellent advice to the divorcing spouse. The article is gender biased but I would like to assume it applies to the many women who are paying alimony. But lets take a look at how it really works based on my personal experience, which is typical of most "experiences" by the male giver in a divorce situation.

My "X" did hire all of the consultants you recommended and I had none, being quite naive at the time. So the bottom line was that she ended up with lifetime alimony (her life). This means that I can never remarry with a state license for fear of my new spouse being sued for alimony payments. The "X" is litigious to a fault. The "family law system" has also made it illegal for me to marry without a license.

She received 100% of the market value of the house, I made up the difference between what it actually sold for and the "market" value. That and other cash entitlements that her consultants felt she needed meant that I ended up with negative cash flow and was required to sell all (three pieces) of the North Georgia property I received in the settlement.

That left me with $199 of a 30 year aerospace pension, no savings, and no social security as I developed a heart condition and had to retire before social security started.

So I am now 70 years old, have a significant other and we live up here in the mountains on my social security. We don't use the air conditioner and cut our wood for heat in the winter. We do odd jobs to supplement the social security. Our entertainment is Saturday night when we go to Arbys and Wally World.

The "X" vacations in Australia and Europe and makes two trips from her gated community in the Sail Fish Capitol of the World to Connecticut in her Chrysler convertible. This year she plans a trip to England.

Please take another look. Interview some men. Get the real story.

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Victim #51: The More They Get, The More They Want

My husband has to pay permanent alimony to his Ex-wife XXXX.

1992 XXXX had an affair and filed for divorce. Everything was split in half. She received $600,000.00 and he paid for her Master’s degree at Columbia University. He also paid for her Bachelors degree. He had to pay $3500.00 month alimony.

He had (Whole Life) Ins. policy that she wanted cashed in. She received the full amount of $98,455.29. Then she wanted (Term Life) Ins. policy. Term means limited period of time. She was the (owner (meaning in control) and beneficiary) of the 7-year term policy and he made the payments.

He was diagnosed with Early Alzheimer’s December 1998 and had to quit work as a Physician. He took her back to court May 1999 to get alimony eliminated but the (mediator) Judge would only lower it to $2100.00 a month and now they gave it to her tax-free. They said it was because he was getting his disability tax-free.

April 2002 Michael took her back to court because she is teaching at a School of Art & Design in XXXX & was working at XXXX & has a live in XXXX (who is a Family Law Attorney.) They have been together since March of 1994. They won’t marry because she would loose her alimony.

After finding out she was fired from XXXX his attorney was going to stop the proceeding but she counter-sued because the (term) policy was going to expire and she wanted $250,000.00 to replace that policy.

When we realized that Judge Thompson wasn’t aware of the WHOLE life policy our Attorney wanted to present more facts and the Judge didn’t want to hear anymore. The Judge ruled Michael had done an anticipatory breach by not keeping the TERM policy SHE OWNED in effect. The Policy stated it could not be converted.

Judge Thompson didn’t raise or lower alimony and said NO to the $250,000.00. She took it to the appellant court. We couldn’t tell the appellant court he had a whole life because we had not told Judge Thompson. The 3 Judges granted her $250,000.00 to receive if he dies before her and she is still eligible. Yet alimony is supposed to stop when he dies. They are treating the Insurance policy as though it were a WHOLE life.

This lawsuit that started in 2002 is not over. Next court date is with a new Judge that really doesn’t know the case. So far we have paid $63,019.41 for his attorney and the Judge made him pay $51,591.68 to her attorney and She is now asking for $7,500,00 more in fees.

[Editor's note: Notice the transfer of wealth of approx. $117,000 from the parties assets to the bank accounts of lawyers. The legal industry profits immensely from adversarial relationships resulting from one of the parties greed along with the blessing of the family law court injustice system. They show no mercy on the sick and suffering while rewarding egregious behavior.]

She is still teaching Interior Design at XXXX and since 2003 is the Interior Designer at XXXX in XXXX. The law is allowing these men and women receiving alimony to get a free ride and it is not fair. Permanent alimony should be abolished. Please change the law now. My husband will need his money for his care.

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Want to lower your alimony payments? Find out how by clicking here.

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Victim #50: Lifetime Alimony Award Infers Women Unable To Support Themselves

My wife and I have been sleeping in difference rooms for about 8 years. I was very upset for her spending tens of thousands of dollars without even telling me until I found out from the credit report. This has happened 4 times in the past 10 years --- over $100k has gone while I have no idea what she has bought – she does not want to show me the credit card statement at all.

I stay in this marriage for the kids and I want to spend more time with them. Also, I have been suspicious that she is gay, but I am too busy to look around for the evidence. Really a very unhappy family life. Then I had an affair last year. My daughter found out recently and told my wife. Then my wife filed divorce (though I had been thinking of filing too after kids are older, the two young kids are 15 yrs now, oldest is 19 yrs).

My take-home is about $11k, hers is about $3.5k (she has a part-time job, could be working full-time). Then her attorney sent me a letter stating that I need to pay her permanent alimony of $6.5k monthly. Even my wife said that she would not get that amount but the attorney put the number there, I guess it is for negotiation purpose. We have one house and a second vacation house on mortgage.

I talked with one of the top family law attorney in south Florida here, who said that I may need to pay $4.5k lifelong alimony, which will leave me less than $1000 after the mortgage, child support and alimony. And another one said $1.5k - 2.5k alimony.

I have been thinking how unfair it is, if the law in Florida is to award a lifelong alimony to one spouse just by making the payer spouse poor or as a kind of punishment by even making the payer spouse not living a happy life after divorce, since FL is a no-fault state, while the purpose of the law is to have both spouse maintain the current life standards.

Nowadays, the world is talking about human rights and equality. The lifelong alimony is certainly swaying from this and putting women into a weaker position, because it assumes that women can NOT support themselves after divorce, that women will NOT gain the right of making a living by themselves, and that women are denied of the right of education!

-30-

Victim #49: Unequal Distribution In A Community Property State

I'll make this as brief as possible. After 22 years of marriage my wife and I started going thru a divorce. 1 1/2 years later we had a preliminary hearing in which the judge stated 1.)that we would either split pensions 50/50 because Maine is a 50/50 State or each keep our own. 2.) No alimony 3.) I would continue paying child support till our youngest was 18. This was reasonable.

Three months later the Judge at our final hearing ruled that she could take 50% of my retirement and keep all of hers. Her retirement system is a much better plan than mine; hers is a state system. She would also take 60% of one 401K and 50% of the other. She will also receive $100.00 a week LIFE TIME ALIMONY. She earns $48,500 yr with summers off. My base at the time was 52,500 + 8,400 Bonus for not having the company provided insurance policy,which I would loose when I was no longer on the wifes plan. $8,000 was also added for quarterly bonuses. These bonuses were not this high and we haven't made them the past 2 quarters (Not Guaranteed).

There isn't any stipulation such the x-wife remarrying or financial gain to end this Life-Time Servitude. Her oldest brother has his own law firm and all the attorneys and judges know each other. She bragged about this to our sons. What now?

We had the final hearing in Oct 2005. The judges order came out end of Nov - beginning of Dec. My attorney filed a Motion to reconsider, which we did not receive till the end of Feb, 2006. The judge stayed with his original order. We then filed a motion for findings of fact. The judge still has not replied to this yet as of my knowledge. My attorney does not return my calls. I spoke with her about 3 weeks ago and have been trying to reach her on several occaisions. My youngest son turned 18 on Feb 10, 2006. No settlement agreements.

Haven't been able to reach my attorney for several weeks. I did receive a letter from my attorney yesterday which is a copy of the opposing atty asking the Maine District Court to find me in contempt for alimony payments. I asked my attorney's secretary a few weeks ago to see about being able to have the payments direct deposited but never a got a response. I can't seem to get representation in this case whatsoever.

I am torn as to weather I should be making alimony payments or not? I mean I want to fight this and if I'm making payments during the interim I would like to do it in a manner that best protects me. She used to lie about not receiving child support, I had to show the records of all the checks she had cashed. Every week was accounted for!

I never failed to make child supprt payments. The judge actually increased the amount I was required to pay under Maine guidelines by about $250. a month and made it retroactive back over 1 1/2 yrs to when I was still living at home. She would actually hold on to some checks and wait to cash them all at once. Then it started being deducted from my pay to DHHS State of Maine. At least she couldn't mess with those records.

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Victim #48: One Victim's Legal Representation Opinion

I am in Tampa, Florida and Yes I "had" an attorney. The other day she decided to withdraw from my case based on "irreconcilable differences", according to her, she felt that by me not agreeing to: lifetime alimony, not authorizing to pay my wife's retainer up front and my unwillingness to change the mediation date she considered me unreasonable.

My Atty, will be at mediation but after that she's gone. I read at the Florida Bar association that if I even notion any sort of threat, she (my atty.) can take action against me. Wow....

So I think I will go to mediation and try to make this journey on my own. By the way, this is my second attorney, they all seem to be somewhat unattached, uncaring and disinterest. I've paid about 10K and running out of money, knowing what my wife is going to get.

Anyway, that's my story.

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Victime#47: Unbelievable!!! And You Thought It Couldn't Happen In America

Hello friends,

I have a question on behalf of my good friend, XXXX that I hope somebody can answer.

Quick background: He finally got his judgment on his alimony modification in June. Judge said no reduction in alimony. In addition XXXX was ordered to 90 days in jail unless he comes up with $250,000 (he could probably come up with $2,500, but certainly not $250,000!), must surrender his passport, must sign a mortage on his home to benefit the ex-wife, must assign 100% of his income to his ex-wife (effectively for the rest of his life, since he earns $48,000 per year and his alimony is $200,000 per year). Must pay $727,000 in arrears to ex-wife, must pay $187,000 to ex-wife's attorney.

Current status: XXXX's attorneys have been arguing with the court regarding its authority to issue such draconian orders, many of which violate his constitutional rights and exceed the power of the court. The court came back last week with its latest judgment retracting only that it will not order XXXX to sign a mortgage to his ex-wife. There is however a judicial lien against the property, which is listed with a broker and which he has been trying to sell this summer. The house is his only remaining asset.

XXXX has to go before the judge again on August 25. It sounds like he will have to go to jail at this point for 90 days.

His question: He is worried about what will happen to his wife and children while he is in jail. His wife is self-employed and he is worried that the court might try to disrupt his wife's business or attach her income in some way. I told him that as far as I know, the court can look at her information, and consider her income when making a judgment, but can only make orders against him and his assets. Is this true?

This is my own question: It seems to me that he cannot be determined to be in contempt of court and placed in jail if he does not have the ability to pay. Jail is a penalty for wilfully disobeying the court and cannot be used in a punative manner. Can he fight this and get released somehow? 90 days is a long time for an innocent man to sit behind bars.

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Victim #46: Second Wife Scared of The Future - Living in a Nightmare

Trust me- it's no better in Illinois. My husband is paying his ex $3750/45k plus $3k annually for kid's health insurance plus $2k annually for additional activities, plus $150.00 a week, per child (2) for out of network psychologists, plus his income has been reduced to $65K BEFORE taxes- plus ungodly attorney's fees that keep coming. Bear in mind there is NOTHING wrong emotionally with these teenagers accept a deranged, jealous, bitter Mother.

She wanted the divorce and my husband got stuck for 2 years of dragging on the nightmare. Illinois does not promote permanent alimony- they were married for 18 years and then separated, celebrating their 20 anniversary across a mediation table. She is 46, has a college degree and was a bank VP when they married.

Her wealthy father supplements her income of $65k plus- in addition, pays all of her attorney's fees and then she sues my husband for more "crap". As the "agreement" reads- it looks like permanent unallocated maintenance of $3750/$45,000 until she is dead. She inherited over $100K last year according to an ally of my husband's. She also has a new job making more money but I don't know how to prove any of this.

The judge told my husband (we were just dating at the time) he should settle w/this or it would be worse at trial. He can't afford college for his daughter next year. The evil witch will likely pay the tuition (her Dad will) and she'll sue my husband even though she won't sit down and talk to him about this.

It's frightening that a judge would allow a man to have to pay this for life and then some... His daughter is now 18 and his son is 15, going on 16. With no money for college for these kids, I don't know what the court will say here. It's really scary. Trust me, $1,000.00 monthly for life would be a lot better.

I can never stop working and I am likely not going to be ale to quit work so I can raise a child we want to adopt. He has to pay an evil witch 45K to spend on herself- trust me, she shops for sale clothes at Kohl's and spends thousands on a new sport SUV for herself and redecorating the house. He has NOTHING but debt and it continues to grow and I am scared to death about what kind of future we have.

He was making $110K and now making $65K as he has to give her $45K. She claimed in court (her jackass attorney) that as a college graduate and ex- bank vice president, she was only able to make $20K with her personal business. What a crock.

My husband also pays over $3k for health insurance, a fortune of debt for psychologists she forces them to continue to see, $3k plus interest left for his son's braces, $2k annually for extra children's activities b/c the $45k is not enough for this greedy miserable piece of white trash. He has emptied any savings from 401K to pay for ongoing attorney's fees.

The decree is a nightmare. The attorney says he will have to go back and fight but with what? She gets a ton of money from her Dad, has a new job and we don't know how to verify this... It's just awful.

She also got the house which is valued at $750K right now. They are suppose to discuss a special ed college program for their daughter and agree between themselves how to pay for this. She will ignore this, have her Dad pay the $30K for the year and sue my husband for all of it. She will then increase her income even more because she won't disclose her new employment I don't know what to do.

She should be held in contempt for failure to disclose a better job and more income (modifying the $45K she gets)and not complying with the parenting agreement to disclose new employment and to agree to sit down and discuss this child's future.

His CS obligation would have been about $17k for 2 children in Illinois or $13K for one. His daughter is 18 now and though she is mentally handicapped, she is very high functioning and able to learn to live independently of her codependent mother. If this child can go to a college support program, he should be relieved of the CS for her so he could apply that toward school. I

t's a nightmare. He cannot continue at this pace. Can they force him to take out a loan when he will have no extra $$ to pay the loan back? Someone wake me from the nightmare.

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Victim #45: Slave For 31 Years In Tennessee

I live in Nashville Tenn area, will be glad to help. I am in my 31st year of paying alimony.

I just went thru about $15K trying to get it eliminated, but did not prevail, even tho she makes more money than I, and I am retired.

Does not make a difference to these jerks. Now they want me to pay her attorney fees on top of all this. Sure makes me happy, I can tell you I am smiling all the way to the bank???

The Tenneessee Supreme Court refused to accept the case, no reason given, said they did not have to give one!

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Victim # 44: Alimony Forcing Spouse To Escape To Another State Or Country

I was divorced in XXXX in Lee Co. by Judge Ralph Stearns. My $5000 per month lifetime alimony has been reduced to $2500 per month - which is still unmanageable. I have since re-married and the alimony is a constant burden.

My ex-wife has followed me through the courts in Massachusetts and Georgia. I had to agree to a $70,000 back alimony to prevent being incarcerated. I have had to file for Ch.13 bankruptcy because I could not afford to pay back income taxes and credit cards and pay the exorbitant alimony.

I have filed Pro Se motions in Lee County court, Florida State Court and the 11th District Court with no resolution.

I am seriously considering two employment offers in Dublin, Ireland in order to escape this alimony madness. I also am considering a job in Texas which may allow me to escape the Florida courts when my ex tries to domesticate the wage garnishment order.

Florida court mandated alimony really is an invasion of my right to privacy. If I was married I could choose to not work and would not have to face incarceration for contempt of court for non-income. But since I am divorced, I don't have that option. Nor can I choose a lesser job at a lesser salary.

Thank you for the consideration.

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Victim #43: Dim Future For Navy Retiree

Here is my story. I left my wife of 23 years. I am a retired Navy O-4 with 24 years of service. My wife was awarded Alimony for life in the amount of $1000 per month as well as 50 percent of my Navy retirement “PAY”. After I pay the alimony, my net retirement pay is $427.02 per month before taxes for 24 years of service! I have now paid alimony at this level for 14 years.

In early 1993 my ex wife moved in with her significant other. They lived together in his house for the first couple of years where she paid his mortgage payment as well as money to fix up his house. Then she bought a house of her own in Satellite Beach in 1995. They moved there together and sold his house. They are still living there together today after 13 years. He contributes to the mortgage payment and other household expenses.

I took her back to court in 2000 to try to get alimony reduced or eliminated. She had more than doubled her annual income to approximately $40,000, was receiving about $1500 per month as half my retirement pay, was receiving the $1000 per month alimony and had someone else sharing her expenses. Her net worth in 2000 had grown to about $350,000 (This was her estimate which was well beyond conservative). To her credit, my ex wife has invested almost all of the alimony she has received (discovered in the 2000 court proceedings) which is a very strong indicator that she does not need the alimony for living expenses. She has made no effort whatsoever to go back to school or to improve her skills.

Our (current wife and my) net worth was well below hers in 2000 and we are not free spenders. Of course I started 1992 very deep in debt as a result of having to pay all divorce expenses while maintaining two residences through the completion of the divorce. It took years for me to dig back to ground zero again. The Brevard Judge who heard my case in 2000 agreed in his findings that I had a non-frivolous case. However, he did not change anything since (due to inflation) my alimony had he said, for all practical purposes, gone down already. He did make my ex pay all her own attorney’s fees since she could easily afford them. No judge wants to set a precedent such as terminating alimony in the State of Florida even if it is the right thing to do.

Since 2000 my ex wife has changed jobs again and is making even more money now. I know the company she works for (since I used to work for them too) and they are very generous with both salary and significant pension plan (beyond 401K). With the new Siplin bill (cohabitation bill), I have given some thought to taking her back to court again, but the judges will be very reluctant to establish case law favorable to those of us paying alimony.

Unless or until I can get rid of the alimony, I will have a very difficult time retiring for good. I will be 60 years old this coming May. If I try to retire and am forced to continue paying this alimony, my ex wife will live in luxury while I live in poverty. That is simply not fair to any of the men or women in Florida who must pay alimony for life or go to jail for making a private decision to get divorced. There are many examples of Florida men and women having to use their Social Security payments to continue providing alimony for 30 years and more – far longer than they were married.

The Alimony laws of the State of Florida are archaic and should be changed. Consider the model of Texas where just a couple of years of rehabilitative support is the norm for those who have the ability to improve themselves. Many states have no alimony. I ask for your consideration in introducing this new bill.

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Open Letter To Florida Govenor Crist

Dear Governor Crist,

I am writing you today to ask you and the Florida Legislature to consider reforming the alimony statute FL 61.08.

Mr. Crist, I have been a XXXX in Jacksonville for 17 years. I have also owned a XXXX business since 1998 and work on my days off. I work approximately 120 hours per week.

I came to the difficult decision to dissolve my 27 year marriage on Sept. 9, 2003, after discovering my wife's third affair during the marriage. This is not what I had in mind when I took my marriage vows. Nor, did I realize how long and costly a divorce in our great state can be. I also did not realize just how involved the State of Florida would become in my PRIVATE decision to end my marriage.

I am now under a court prescribed income deduction order that takes most of my take home pay from the XXXX. I have served proudly to protect the citizens of Jacksonville, and now because I made A PRIVATE DECISION to try to end a marriage of mis-trust and try to start over, the state has ordered me to pay an adulteress ex-wife for the rest of my LIFE and has in effect ordered me to continue to work over 120 hours per week just so I can live. The statute has given the judiciary VERY BROAD DISCRETION when ruling on alimony. It is a VIOLATION of the Separation of Powers Act.

I never imagined I would be sitting here writing to the Governor of Florida. I have never been a very political person. But, I also never imagined I would be taking the risks that a XXXX takes everyday so I could pay State ordered PEONAGE to an adulteress ex-wife. I never imagined I would have to work 3 jobs for the rest of my life just to support myself. This statute is nothing but a form of state sponsored slavery, when, I have to pay her for the REST OF MY LIFE under the threat of imprisonment if I do not pay.

I will be 50 years old on April 17th. I cannot continue to work like I do and expect to be able to enjoy some type of "retirement". I also do not have the financial resources to continue to pay attorney's fees to keep returning to court for modifications. This is the MADNESS this statute creates. There is never any CLOSURE of the marriage dissolution.

All this statute does is create a "welfare" for the recipient. It gives her NO INCENTIVE to become a productive member of society. My ex-wife will receive $26,400.00 per year from my court prescribed income deduction order for permanent alimony. She does not have to lift one finger to earn any of that money. Quite a nice retirement income for her, but I have to continue to work to pay her.

This statute is base on law that is much older that you or I. It is based on laws that were in effect when women had no rights, nor opportunities that they enjoy today. It was based on laws when men owned their women. We both know that is not true today. My ex-wife has an AA degree, is in excellent health, and is more than capable of earning a good salary. My only child is of majority age.

So, Mr. Crist, I ask you if you were in my shoes and have walked the walk I have what would you do? Would you have stayed in the marriage and risked having this happen again? Or would you "take your chances" in the courts and see how you come out.

There are many in our great state sir, and their voices are beginning to be heard by members of the legislature. This law is archaic. It needs to be changed to reflect the way society is today. There are women in our state that have become "victims" of this statute by either being forced to pay their ex-husbands or have become the 2nd wife of the husband that is forced to pay alimony for the rest of their lives. The numbers of people affected by this archaic law are growing everyday. The judiciary is out of control.

I implore you, Governor Crist, to abolish this archaic law.

Sincerely,

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Victim #42: Alimony Encourages A Welfare Mentality In Some Ex-spouses And Discourages Self-sufficiency

In short I agreed to lifetime alimony of $5250 per month. My attorney (who was a poor choice in retrospect) stated that I could go back for modification at a later time.

She received a home worth $500,000 at this time, has approximately $200,000 in savings, and once her father passes on (he is in his late 80’s) will receive a $225,000 home, and likely another $300,000 in savings. At that time I plan on going for a modification to reduce alimony. She has a masters degree in interior design, however refuses to work.

At the time of my signing the agreement my thought processes weren’t very clear (divorce, caring for a very ill father, mother with Alzheimer’s, working full time as a physician with a very heavy workload, trying to be there for my children, supporting all these parties). During the divorce I tried to be kind and didn’t follow some of my attorneys suggestions (stopping temporary support for example, when her attorney delayed sending financial affidavits, paying for my wife’s vacation during the divorce, giving extra monies when she needed them, etc.)

Prior to seeking legal advice for making a plan of action, likely 5 years in the future, I would like to talk to someone knowledgeable about this issue. The issue in the modification won’t be inability to pay (although, sometime in the future, I would love to retire).

I have real estate investments that are and will continue to grow, a pension, investment in stocks, and other businesses. Instead it will be a change in her circumstances. She will likely have a home free and clear (the home that she lives in is for sale for $560,000 and plans on moving (likely she will pay for the home outright in the tune of $350,000) and by the time I go for modification she will likely have $750,000 to $1,000,000 of assets that at a 5% interest can generate $40,000 to $50,000 of income per year.

I desire a straightforward attorney who will truly fight for me. If you have anyone to recommend, I would appreciate it.

[Editors note:] It seem so hypocritical that the same women who are demanding equality with men are demanding that the men support them for a lifetime so they can avoid becoming a self-sufficient and a useful member of society. Me doth think that feminists speak with forked tongue.

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Victim #41: Financial Incentives Of Divorce Encourages Cohabitation To Avoid Loss Of Alimony Welfare Payments

In Sept. 1999 my wife of 27 years went to work for a "friend" left home moved in with him and filed for divorce. Since she had not worked for our entire marriage (her choice) my lawyer told me that since Florida was "no fault" I needed to arrange an agreement. He told me if I went to court I would lose 50% of everything. Part of the resolution was $1000/mo alimony to death or remarriage and life insurance to make sure the alimony was paid.

Today she still lives with this guy and has taken over his position as director of a small private school. This is background. State Sen. Gary Siplin from Orlando has just had bill SB0152 signed into law by Gov. Bush on 6/10.

It not much but it's a start. It at least let's me ask the courts for relief based on her relationship. It may help some of us. I have already filed papers.

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Victim #40: Second Wife Feels Financially Raped By Spouse's Ex

I married a man who was recently divorced, I had nothing to do with his divorce, they were already in process and had retained attorneys. His ex drug out the divorce for almost 3 years. When it was finally ordered he was ordered to pay 1500 a month. An impossible amount.

Went to court for a reconsideration request, and we paid what we could each month. 6 months later she took him back for contempt. now has to pay her pay her 2000 a month, or go to jail!!

This is a able bodied woman who is always out shopping, she has a retirement she failed to reveal, she has to 2 woman who died that named her beneficiary, she has a boyfriend living with her, and receives govt assist and a monthly check, works under the table and commits welfare fraud.

Meanwhile my diabetic aging husband 52, is working day and night 2 jobs, trying to make this outrageous alimony payment. All his income is going to support her. So now the courts have caused financial abandonment to me and my children.

I am unable to go out to work as I have an infant child, and a ADHD 8 year old. The judge knows this... When my husband went for his request for a reduction, we were in the middle of a bankruptcy and his small business had fallen l victim to the economy. But!! The judge goes ahead and accepts accepted income records from 2004!!! to base his decicion on. Divorce was finalized in late 2007. The judge didn't care that there is another woman with 2 children his decision impacted.

I would think that whatever the courts decide they should err on the margin of DO NO HARM - NO FURTHER HARM the extended families and children on both sides that are directly impacted by their decision. Instead, he has put another family into foreclosure, onto the street, and put more burden on the public assistance programs and community that now have to take care of a family of 4, because the judge threw them out with the bathwater when making his outrageously generous decision.

This is not the 50's anymore. Women can work, can get online degrees, get their degree online, start home based or community business. This woman has amassed close to 100k from the original settlement, being a beneficiary in 2 womens wills, and now has taken over 10k out of our low income destitute budget in 1 year. We mad 16K last year. When told of this, he said "In this court I am God, and what I said, stands, regardless" regardless of the fact we have an infant and a learning disabled child, both of which receive govt assistance. WIC & medicaid. State documention of being in these programs proves our destitution. We only make 1600 a month as a family.

I was raised to believe in the legal system and that it was there to protect people who live by Gods and mans law. I was very disappointed in by being an innocent bystander myself and my children's futures and lives are being repeatedly (monthly) being financially raped and beaten by a system designed to provide a sense or order and justice for all. What happened to my rights?? My Pursuits/??

What do I have to do, divorce this guy too so my kids and I can get the courts to reduce her order so my children can have food?? Does child support superseed previous alimony payments, if the children suffer from that order.?? What is the matter with this system!!!

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Article: Financial Incentive To Create "Deadbeat Dads"

Normally, we don't get into child support issues, but here was an interesting article where a government consultant had a financial incentive to create the guidelines used in most jurisdictions to ones that would generate profits to his firm. Does anyone see a conflict of interest here?

Article:

"The gravy train is so rife with such temptations it might appear to have been created for that purpose. In fact, this is precisely what it was. It turns out that the creator of the child-support system used in most jurisdictions is also the founder and primary owner of the nation's largest private collection company which directly profits from the system.

Dr. Robert Williams was a paid consultant with HHS from 1983 to 1990 where he helped establish federally-driven uniform child-support guidelines that significantly increased obligations, according to James Johnston, a member of the Kansas Child Support Guidelines Advisory Committee. One year after joining HHS and the same year the mandatory federal guidelines were created, Williams started Policy Studies Inc. (PSI).

Like the federal, state, and local bureaucracies that employ him, Williams has an interest not only in making the child-support levels as high as possible to increase his share of the take, but also in making them so high that they create arrears for him to collect. In short, he has a financial incentive to create as many "deadbeat dads" as possible."

Source:
American Spectator online edition, 20 August 1999.

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Victim #39: Alimony Slave Hopes For A Miracle To Ease His Burdens

I live in XXXX. I remarried and THAT is what made my former wife furious. After leaving me for our accountant, I met and married a wonderful woman. And guess what? It didn't work out with the married accountant...now she is filled with so much venom. My wife is a teacher and I am a digital technician with XXXX, so both of us earn modest salaries. My current wife's ex owes in excess of 20K in back child support, and my wife is putting her 3 children through college herself. You should have heard the LIES about our "lifestyle"...I'm sure you've been through it all just as we are going through it now. The legal fees will be argued in the middle of July...just guess who will have to pay BOTH sides???

My IRA is almost depleted, while the ex CHOSE to blow her division of assets on absurd things such as legal defense fees for my oldest daughter's live-in boyfriend. Then she boo-hooed in court about not having an IRA. The commissioner felt totally sorry for her while we didn't even bring up the affair on her part. My other daughter is mentally disabled (almost 23) and she allowed boy of normal intelligence to move in with them...and put my daughter on birth control. Did I have any sayso? Not a word, but she sure wants my money.

Which brings me to this...my wife and I try to be good Christians. Is anyone who is involved in this "movement" praying on this issue? There are too many good, HONEST men who have been totally burned by these absurd, antiquated laws. You may think we sound like fanatics, but my wife and I truly believe that it will take a MIRACLE to have these laws turned around. We also believe that prayers are more powerful when "two or more are gathered in His name." I hope there are others out there who feel the same.

My wife has written to Bush and received a response telling us to go the the Senators and Reps. Senator Atwater's office has promised to look into it. Because my base salary is only 55K, the ex is really wiping me out. I used to work overtime for the "extras". Now I work it to pay her and her slimy attorneys...yes she has quite a few working to squeeze the life out of me. Her base is 42K , and, lo and behold, she had to stop working any overtime for quite a few different reasons (all lies, of course). I'm not ALLOWED to even consider not working overtime, and I'm 54.

Thanks for all your work. Let me know about a "prayer alliance". My current wife is willing to get the ball rolling on that one.

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Victime #38: Alimony Makes Spouse Suicidal

I am going to mediation Wednesday June 29th on a 4 ½ year marriage and NO children and no assets and no home, I am a renter in 2 bed and 2 bath apartment. My income is 45k net per year and my x to be is going for permanent alimony…LOL..not really a laughing matter in this state.. She claims she now has a mental condition that prohibits her from working..strange how that works out just in time?

This was suppose to be a simple divorce but became a major nightmare because she got an attorney which is afforded by her millionaire brother and they are making me run up my attorney bills and of course they are looking for me to pay theirs..is there any support you folks can offer me.

I am in a state of depression and have had suicide attempts in my past and this is really creating a serious hardship for me. I am on medication and have been for years for my depression but this whole thing is crazy and for them to allow this type of process to take place is ludicrous.

I am out of money to pay my attorney and I do not know what to do? I am sure they will want to go to trial because we cannot agree to permanent alimony nor should she get it.

I am afraid to go in front of a judge in this state because I feel like I am doomed before even going into court,,,I think I already paid a heavy price to try and divorce this woman. I have spent thousands of dollars on a 4 1/2 year marriage with no kids and its crazy…where is the justice???

Is there help out there…is there a way to show them that we will not tolerate a decision which creates such hardship and one which is biased…can you help?

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How Alimony Affects A Future Marriage For One Couple

If my boyfriend and I decide to get married in the future, can his soon to be ex go back to court and try to get more money since their will be two incomes?

I am planning on going into the teaching field and that brings in about $45k a year in CA, he brings in $60k, so we were wondering since he has a 15yr old child if she could go back and state that she wants more money because now I am in the picture, and I'll be DAMNED if I am going to work hard for her to reap benefits.

If we do get married should we keep a separate accounts and file taxes separately till the child is 18? Or should we just live together until after the child is 18?

Confused but wanting to settle down in CA!

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Victim #37: Another Victim Of Lifetime Slavery

I'm in the same boat...$800.00 a month...for the remainder of my life. My request for a downward modification was just denied, of course. My former wife earns 80% of my salary after working only 4 and 1/2 years. I have been working for XXXX for 35 years.

Of course, she left me for someone else...and I get to pay her forever. WHEN I RETIRE, SHE WILL RECEIVE 1/2 OF MY PENSION, $800.00 IN ALIMONY, HER PENSION AND HER SOCIAL SECURITY. I WILL BE LIVING ON MY SOCIAL SECURITY ALONE AFTER I WILL HAVE WORKED FOR 46 YEARS.

Everyone I've spoken with says my case is about the worst because the disparity in incomes is not there. Furthermore, her income will surpass mine in just a few years. I thought they abolished slavery in Florida!!

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New eBook: A Spouse's Guide To Hiding Assets

A press release that just came to my attention seemed to be one that would be of interest to this Blog's readers. In that with the family law industry draining spouses assets, a way is needed to prevent this. This book might be able to help you with that.

PRESS RELEASE:

Panama Publishing, Inc. has recently published the Pro Se Self-Help Guidebook: "A Spouse's Guide To Hiding Assets" to their series of books to fill a void in the market that is comprised of people who need to know how to protect their assets from from being taken away by the family law courts.

This guidebook is for anyone who has ever wanted to find out about how assets can be "repositioned," how assets can safely be protected and "cloaked," how you can locate them when someone else has them, and what methods you can employ to find them.

There are essentially five periods when you absolutely need to concern yourself with the planning of your asset protection: before marriage, during marriage, before a divorce, after a divorce, and when you are facing a contempt of court hearing.

Protecting your assets is primarily concerned with finding legal and relatively easy methods to implement that are readily available and cost effective. Surprisingly enough, you don't have to resort to exotic and complicated remedies like going offshore to do so. Your other concern
is being familiar with the basic laws that regulate what you are trying to do and to understanding how the courts view them.

Your goal is to make your assets "bulletproof" from the courts and as invisible as possible in order to keep them safe from outside attacks. You will find explained some entirely legitimate and commonly overlooked ways to protect your assets, some precautions to use, and very possibly, some considerations of which you weren't aware.

Link to book:
http://www.panama-publishing.com/books/ebook-hide-assets.htm

Panama Publishing's other self-help guidebooks were created specifically for the person who needs to face the family law court on a self-represented basis. With Florida used as an example, each of these guidebooks cover a specific topic such as:

How To Modify Your Alimony Payments
How To Lower Your Alimony Payments: Tips and Techniques
How To Defend Yourself In Contempt Of Court Hearings
How To Appeal In State Court Of Appeals

You can read more about these books at the following sites:
www.panama-publishing.com or www.alimonycentral.org

Even those readers who can afford a lawyer will find these books useful and informative. The guides are designed to help the parties involved in family law cases to learn about the process, procedures and paperwork involved with modifying alimony, contempt of court, and appeals. It can save them money by not having to have their lawyer spend expensive billable hours explaining things to them.

The material presented is given in an easy-to-understand layman's language and simplifies the details to where, in most instances, an individual might undertake their own case on a self-represented basis .

One of the unique facets about these guides is the ongoing and continuing support provided by the publisher's website for each book that, in effect, gives new and updated information to the
book's chapter contents as it arises. This website support insures that the data in the guide books is kept current without having to publish revised editions.

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Victim #36: Pitfalls of a Non-Modifiable Agreement

Please help me- I am paying $1800.00 a month in a non-modifiable agreement that was based on my ex-wife making the house payment of $1100.00 per month and me earning $70,000 per year. Now I am making $35,000 per year because I was laid off- the house has been sold, and she has 1/2 my retirement.

The attorney I contacted states I can't do anything about it because it says in my decree (which has the wrong dates an everything) that it is non - modifiable. Can you please give me an avenue to go on?

I can't even live on what I have after I pay my ex- wife and all my kids are over 21 and I have spent the remaining retirement account on her alimony payments for the past 1 1/2 year!

Is there anything I can do?

Thank you so much,

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A Victim's Letter To John Stossel Of The TV Show 20/20

Below is a letter written to John Stossel, of the TV show 20/20 by one of the Alimony Slaves:

Dear Mr. Stossel:

I am writing you to encourage you to investigate the injustices of the family courts in Florida and their apparent negative impact on Florida’s citizens. There are women who are paying permanent alimony to men and men paying permanent alimony to women as a result of court injustices and what I believe are grossly unconstitutional and un-American laws. So, I thought you might be interested in some of the information on permanent alimony.

Permanent alimony is applied as part of Florida State law and forces one person to financially support the other for the rest of their lives because they were at one time married with a state marriage license and later dissolved that marriage. As a hard working professional , I am opposed to a system that promotes the permanent sustenance of ONE individual providing required lifetime support for another, whether they be male or female.

Whether married or divorced, each individual should be able to "choose" at what level they would like to be employed and should certainly not be REQUIRED by law and under threat of imprisonment, perpetual judicial harassment, and legal squandering of their assets, to support another's lifestyle at a pre-established earning capacity, particularly if they are no longer committed in a marital relationship.

Women are no longer dependent on men nor are men dependent on women. Employment opportunities are such that both genders can equally provide for a household independently, which the courts should recognize. I understand that sometimes alimony in addition to child support is needed by women who have been granted sole custody of children. But, if you look closely at even these circumstances you will see that the rulings of the judges in these cases many times causes the need for both payments from one individual. Men many times collapse emotionally and psychologically and have actually committed suicide and murder after being forced to bear these burdens alone. While, at the same time being stripped of the right to share in the custody and upbringing of their children.

Permanent alimony jeopardizes working and social values of both genders by "enabling" an employment vacation ticket to the recipient who "chooses" not to work to continue reaping an "entitlement" of free income FOREVER while the paying person is forced into a condition of involuntary servitude to them. Florida, a great state, unfortunately, has made the dire error of making this "permanent vacation ticket" a reality for many middle class, average citizens.

Alimony amongst those of great wealth has reduced impact, however, the working class is unable to balance the injustice of providing for more than one household and many times unable to even provide for themselves in order to meet the state’s demands. Most temporary situations in life "resolvable" if effort is made to improve circumstances, however, if ONE individual chooses to NOT participate in resolving, by unemploying, under employing and/or refusing to improve themselves and their own issues, another individual should not be required to provide for the "void" in differences.

Understandably, some states have recognized an error in permanent alimony and have adopted reasonable laws that limit the duration of the recipient i.e. Texas/3 year limit. But in Florida which has one of the highest concentrations of lawyers per capita in the United States, divorce has been turned into a legal con game that seeks only to keep an individual engaged in a perpetual courtroom struggle to separate themselves from another individual while they are slowly milked of every asset they have ever owned or will own. This keeps billions of dollars flowing into the coffers of the legal profession and their lobbyists in the legislature and cripples any effort at reform.

Permanent alimony is "slavery". The providers of permanent alimony currently are required to maintain an "imputed income" level for their entire lives. They have no right to retire, slow their lifestyle, or in any way separate themselves from the whims of a judge who has been given perpetual control of their lives by the state legislature. Judges have literally been given the power to create law from the bench in family courts. A person entering family court has absolutely non of the constitutional rights afforded even vilest murderers and consequently must surrender any hope of ever being a free, sentient human being afterwards.

There ARE women who pay permanent alimony also but the numbers are significantly smaller than men who are paying which also establishes a government system of “cloaked” gender bias. This has resulted in a decline of marriage estimated to be somewhere near 40% since enactment of these laws.

Those held in the perpetual "bondage" of permanent alimony are denied the basic human rights of choice, happiness and individual freedom.

Please consider revealing this evil hidden scheme of the Florida state government and publish information which can assist in bringing unbiased information aimed at justice for both the men and woman of our state who have been mistreated by Florida courts. We stand ready, willing, and able, to provide you with more than enough evidence to support our claims.

Sincerely,
XXXX

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Victim #35: Second Wife Sees Future As Hopless For Hubby

My husband, lived a hellish marriage for 20 - 25 years (I'm not certain of the actual number of years) with his wife and two children in Tulsa, Oklahoma. He moved to Florida in 1997 where he worked for XXXX Law Firm in Jacksonville, as a XXXX. His wife, XXXX, eventually followed him to Florida. They lived together for a few short months and then she filed for divorce.

He had the book thrown at him. He was sentenced in DuVall County to supporting her the rest of his life. He eventually moved to XXXX, SC in 2001 where he had a very successful career as XXXX for the XXXX. He took a cut in salary to move to XXXX but his alimony was not reduced. He ended up paying her more than half of his salary each month as well as keeping a life insurance policy (payable to her upon his death) up to date each month. He and I met in 2005 and were married in July of 2006. With my knowledge and approval, he canceled his life insurance policy and discontinued his alimony payments. He had letters to appear in court but ignored them. He resigned his job and moved to Arkansas, where he tried to find a job but didn't have any luck.

In December of 2007 XXXX had four-by-pass heart surgery and decided to retire at the age of 62. He has applied twice for disability but it has not been approved. We knew that XXXX had almost immediately gone to work in Jacksonville (even though her attorney had said that she was not well enough to work) and we also knew that her parents (she was an only child) had passed away after the divorce and that she had inherited a large amount of money. Therefore, we foolishly thought that perhaps she was not pursuing getting the alimony restored.

XXXX and I had our problems, which we are working on, and he lives in an apartment across town from me, which literally only has a bed, two TV Trays, Two lamps and a tiny kitchen table and chairs. That is all he has. We still see each other and stay with each other quite often and are trying to work things out. Last week he had gone back to his place to get some things before he took me to the airport to go to a family wedding. My door bell rang and a man, who had Sheriff embroidered on his shirt, said, "Is XXXX here?" I said, "No." He said, "Do you know XXXX?" I said, "No." He said, "How long have you lived here?" I replied," four or five years." He had a file with a photo on the front page. I couldn't see the photo. He turned around and walked to his car, which was parked in the neighbor's driveway. He got in, stopped in front of my house for a moment and drove away. I suspect he was a PI or a bounty hunter and not a bona fide law official.

Needless to say, we are very concerned and wonder who he was and what might happen to XXXX. Do you have any advice for us? I suggested that we get a local attorney and tell him what is going on but I'm not sure that would do any good. Do you think they will try to extradite him back to Florida? If so, I'm afraid there is no hope for him.

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Victim#34: Wife Leaves Husband, Delays Efforts For Settlement

Here’s one for the record books.

This week I was informed that my wife’s attorney died. The story is that the old guy was at a deposition and got upset over something that apparently triggered a heart attack. He collapsed right there in the conference room and despite the multitude of people and a fair number of very learned colleagues on the scene, no one made the effort to perform CPR and by the time paramedics arrived, it was too late.

Unfortunate as this may be, it now complicates my legal issues. I was scheduled for a pre-trial conference on 21 April with a trial date of 2 May. Now it appears, due to my wife’s need to secure new representation, that the court will grant a continuance, which will undoubtedly lead to additional legal expenses. Given that my attorney has already informed me of the exposure I have for payment of some or all of my wife’s legal fees, guess who gets burned despite having done nothing to create this situation….. So much for fairness and equity.

I’m not quite sure how it works in most other states but I’ve been tied up in this divorce situation for nearly two years. My wife left me and my children back in August of 2003 and despite my many efforts to try and get a divorce done expeditiously, my wife’s, now deceased, attorney has consistently advised her to hold out. What really frosts my butt here is that Maryland, despite the rather lengthy separation between me and my wife, considers our marriage to be uninterrupted and gives her credit for any and all gains, increases, and or acquisition of benefits that may have occurred during our separation despite the fact that she clearly has no equity interest in them.

Another rather unwelcome surprise came when my attorney just happen to mention that my wife and I really weren’t legally separated. It appears that when I went to Court last year for the Limited Divorce (Maryland for Legal Separation), the only thing that was considered was Pendente Lite alimony for my wife. Unbeknown to me, the Court Order did not grant a "legal separation" it was simply silent on the issue. The order only ensured that my wife received a monthly stipend from me presumably so that she could have the ability to litigate her case. The legal euphemism they used was to "preserve her access to the legal system". So I guess the question becomes, if I’m not legally separated, why am I obliged to pay alimony? From a legal standpoint, isn’t my situation really no different than the situation of every other happily married couple in this State? I don’t see the State requiring them to pay spouses stipends of any kind…… Inquiring minds would really like to know!

Promptly removing my case from State Court and gumming up the works of the local legal fraternity may provide my wife with a rather different perspective. Thus far she has refused to get a job and has been claiming an inability to work. Additionally, her recently deceased attorney also told her spend as she pleased and to charge all of her monthly shortages to her credit cards.

I guess the game plan was to show the Court that she needed significant monthly alimony payments simply to meet the needs of her lifestyle. However, I recently had her evaluated by an Independent Medical Evaluator who, if called to testify, will not be favorable to her case. She is also in a rather precarious situation because she also owns a home which has roughly $90,000 in equity.

I suspect if I am successful in executing a legal maneuver that stops any and all payments to her for six months or more, she’ll either have to get a job or settle on something fair and reasonable. If not, she could loose her house and all of her equity….. Too optimistic?

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Victim #33: Second Wife's Son Fears Marriage Because Of Family Courts

Hi,

I am amazed at what I've seen in the family court. My son and my step son are in the age group for the next crop to be harvested. My son does not intend to get married after seeing what the family court is doing to my new husband.

I was married for 23 years the first time and I said NO to alimony , my son was 24 at this time. The ladies that helped with my divorce paper work pushed at me to go for alimony. So did the womens battered shelter and also those at the court house.

I believe when you get a divorce you are responsible for your self. I am concerned not only for my new husband but also for our sons with the out of control family court system. Thank you.

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Victim #32: Second Wife Seeks Help For Alimony Slave

I am writing on behalf of my husband, who too is an victim of the State of Florida's clear biased and unjust alimony laws. Although you can't remedy his problem, there is at least some sort of solace in knowing that he isn't "the only one."

My husband has lived the last 13 years of his life (he's been divorced that long), with the "threat" of an ex-wife who routinely calls to scream into the phone "have you made my deposit yet (40% of my husband's income goes to pay her-for the rest of her life)?" If it isn't her money she demands, it is her threats of her "team of attorney's" that will prove once and for all "who he really is", or that she will see to it in her lifetime that he goes to jail (for what we don't know, since my husband is just a regular, law abiding, hard working kind of guy and she doesn't even live in the same state that we do).

In your experience with this matter, are there ANY attorney's in Florida that are willing to take on a Modification of Alimony case (Florida has jurisdiction over the case.) ANYONE that is good, knows the system, the laws, the judges and the game? For someone who is willing to "invest" in his future, is there ANY hope, or, is it just a futile effort of wasting time and money?

Thanks for your time, and any of your expertise is much appreciated.

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Victim #31: State Forces Veteran To Support Children Who Are Not His

I have got a child support story from hell for you. I am a 42 year old Air Force Veteran. I am happily married to a wonderful woman who happens to be physically disabled. We have two children, a daughter age 14 and a son age 9. I am employed full time.

The State Of New York is attaching my wages for child support on four children who are not biologically mine nor did I ever adopt them. They are the sons of my ex wife. We were married from 2000 until 2003 and the children are from her previous marriage.

We were living in NY and she dumped the kids on her ex in-laws. The fled the state. NY immediately filed for support against me. This was in 2001 and I have been fighting the case since then. My ex wife has admitted in writing (right after we divorced) that the marriage was a scam and not a true marriage.

This is a true injustice. I am supporting my real family yet NY is limiting my ability to do so because they are taking my wages. My ex wife gets not one dime of the money. NY State takes it all.

Thought you might like this true story.

Yours In Christ

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Victim #30: Ex Has No Desire To Work Because Of Receiving Alimony Welfare Payments

Hi,
I've read your website with great interest. I am the second wife of a man forced to pay lifetime alimony to a woman who happily operates her hobby farm, rides her horses, and has absolutely no legal obligation to work. And why should she get remarried? No financial incentive there either, clearly.

She was in her mid thirties when they divorced, in good health, had work experience, and even stated to the vocational rehab guy that she wanted to go back to work post divorce. She is now in her late forties, the kids are teenagers, but I doubt that any judge in the world would pull the rug out from under her now.

To make matters worse, multiple attorneys have advised us to "let a sleeping dog lie." If my husband were to ask for a reduction or termination, chances are about 100% that he would be ordered to pay an increase (yes, even 15 years post-divorce) because his income has tripled since then. Oh, and by the way, he would be ordered to pay her attorney fees too. He's been told that spending money on a good shrink is money better spent. No kidding.

Until the court system changes, I am personally encouraging my husband to include a note in each alimony payment that says:

Dear XXXX,
Attached is yet another check, made out to you, for your personal benefit and enjoyment. I resent you deeply for continuing to have to make this payment. You are capable of working to support yourself. You are also capable of becoming remarried. I will never have any respect for you while you take financial advantage of me by accepting "private welfare." At what point does it end Sue? Please make plans to wean yourself off of my income.

We live in Minnesota, and I was wondering if there is anything being done at a federal level that would give us hope? Also, what (if anything) can I do here to make a change? Am I wasting my time to try and change things at a legislative level? I hear that's where the problem lies.

Thanks!

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Victim #29 - The Hypocrisy Continues - Courts Refuse To Support Our Military Men

This is a long email but you can feel the father's pain over what is happening and how his daughter has been alienated from him. No parent should be able to inflict this kind of agony on the other parent. Put yourself in his shoes and think about it happening to you. Vindictiveness and deceitful actions like this will adversely affect this child for the rest of her life. The "mother" has really injured two people.

All this is compounded by judges who rule against common sense and ignore the facts of the case. Another typical case of blatant bias in the courts.

This person wrote a letter to Florida's Governor some time back seeking some relief. His plea fell on deaf ears as do many others.

Dear Governor Bush (FL),

I have waited months to write you, with the hurricane's and the election I know you have been swamped working for the people of Florida. I have been made a criminal by Judge Ken Williams, Family Court of Dist 1, State of Florida. For all of my life I have been a law abiding citizen and now I have been sentenced to 180 days in jail for the crime of being "unemployed."

Yet the real crime is being committed against my daughter, XXXX and me by the so-called Family Court and the pontificating hypocrite Judge Kenneth Williams. I have no regret for refusing to obey Judge Williams, for it is he that is in contempt.

Any system in which social relationships are determined entirely by economic factors is contrary to the nature of humanity. Respect for the human person, whether adult or child, entails respect for the rights that flow from our dignity as creatures of God. These rights are the basis of the moral legitimacy of every authority: by disregarding or refusing to recognize them with positive legislation or judicial action a society undermines its legitimacy. My rights as a good father have been vacated to satisfy the excessive financial demands and bad judgment of Judge Kenneth Williams' court.

I am a [in the military]. In September of 2003 I was laid off. It became apparent in Dec. 03, that the only job's available were in dangerous locations overseas. I filed a new financial statement and notice of my layoff with the court early Jan 04', but Judge Williams has chosen to ignore my filing, despite giving evidence of a nationwide slow down in shipping and offshore exploration. He has refused to over turn the fraudulent Restraining Order or recognize the result's of my ex's false domestic violence claim.

Two weeks prior to our divorce hearing, my soon to be ex spouse staged a domestic violence incident. I was the party that called the police, in fact I made a tape recording of the entire incident. When the police arrived my ex claimed that I had hit her in the face and chipped her teeth. The police arrested me. When I tried to get them to listen to the tape they said I should "save it for my lawyer". No pictures of my ex's supposed injuries where taken and the report said chipped teeth, "No Marks". The arresting officer was in cell phone communication with the Chief of Police both before and after my arrest. (At the time of my arrest I was leading a citizens group that was fighting City hall over a 70 million dollar waste of taxpayers money.)

After my arrest my spouse flew off for a week of skiing in Vermont. At our divorce hearing we showed Judge Williams my ex's dental record showing that her teeth were already damaged. Judge Williams asked each of us to stand and compared our height and weight, he then granted my ex a Permanent Restraining Order based on his observations and made a finding in his judgment that she had not committed false domestic violence charges.

At my Domestic Violence trial, the jury heard my ex's extravagant lies of how, (with my back to her and without leaving a mark), I hit her in the face so hard that I broke her teeth and sent her flying. Then the Prosecutor had her get up and show her teeth to the jury, one juror at a time. One of the jurors was a retired dentist, Dr XXXX, he examined her teeth. The look on his face made the prosecutor call the incident to the Judge's attention. It was then that the prosecutor found out that the juror was a dentist and he asked that he be excused even though he was the one that sat him on the jury.

During the testimony of the police officer, he said it was the first time in his 20 year career that he had seen someone tape an incident. However the reason he give for not listening to the tape was Nadya's chipped teeth. The trial continued, the jury heard from me and listened to the tape. At the end of the trial when the case was handed to the jury, Judge White called the dentist aside without the others. It was then that the juror, Dr. XXXX, told the judge that her testimony and her injures didn't match and her teeth couldn't have been damaged the way she claimed and that "she was lying." The prosecutor objected and asked for the juror to be excused. The Judge excused him from deliberation.

Despite this it took the jury just 28 minutes (which included a bathroom break) to find me, " Not Guilty." When I tried to have my ex-wife charged with making a False Domestic Violence Claim I was told by the Pensacola Police that they don't do "Tit for Tat," this despite my tape and the name of the dentist who was willing to testify to XXXX lying. Cost to defend myself, approx. $3,800.

The court of Judge Ken Williams has robbed me of one of the most valuable gifts that God has granted me, being a Father to Mary Lake. Time lost with my daughter can never be replaced. I have been there for my daughter from the start. I was active in her delivery, April 11,1997, I cut her umbilical cord and changed her very first diaper (the green one). I was the first to see her smiling face every morning for her first year, as I took her from her crib and changed her before taking her to her mother to nurse. As she grew I would keep her home from daycare so that we could spend the day together, we fondly called it playing hookie. This was used to portray me as a bad parent instead of a caring father that didn't want to dump his child on someone else to raise. M

any times I would come home and be handed XXXX as her mother walked out the door to disappear for a deserved weekend as she called it. Since October 1999, when Joe Scarborough's office notified us that XXXX citizenship problems had been ironed out and that she would get her citizenship within 60 to 90 days, we with have lived apart. After our separation my ex even tried to bill me 100 dollars a day to watch XXXX when I worked offshore.

The family courts should not be a dumping ground for bad criminal court judges like Ken Williams. It should be a single division where the judges are held to the highest standards and be required to take courses in families and children to supplement their law degree. Only a coercive, delirious, demigod like Judge Williams would think that a black robe and a law degree grant's the wearer the knowledge and wisdom of Solomon. Judges should care more for the needs of the children rather than the omnipotent sound of there own voice.

Within 24 hours of the end of my D.V. trial we filed to remove the injunction. It took Judge Williams over 90 days to respond with a hearing date. Three times over a 8 month period our hearing was canceled and rescheduled. Twice we showed up with witness's, the Dentist and XXXX's school councilor to testify before the Judge and twice he refused to hear them. (XXXX's councilor was there to report on XXXX's violent tendencies to XXXX). At the Jan 04 hearing, Judge Williams made the comment that as things were working as they were they could stay that way until he had time to hear them at a later time.

My ex currently has two different lawyer's representing her. Judge Williams granted one of them, XXXX, a private hearing of which my Lawyer of record was not informed. Without me having any representation, Judge Williams issued a contempt citation ordering me to be jailed for 90days. Judge Williams has violated my rights on numerous occasions. During the Divorce trial he ordered my attorney to go to her office and bring my file to him for his examination. He then shared the contents with my wife's attorney. This is a clear violation of Canon 3, 7b.

He voided the separation agreement, without proper grounds, taking away my rotational custody despite testimony from teachers and XXXX's guidance councilor as to my exceptional parenting skills. He doubled my child support payments from $285 to $600 a month based on less visitation with my daughter. He ignored and exceeded state guidelines with excessive and punitive financial awards to my ex in both alimony and lawyers fee. Under his outrageous ruling I have been demoted to an auxiliary parent with only 9 days a month visitation and allowed no contact outside visitation due to the Injunction.

Since the divorce in Jan/2003 I have had 2 phone calls from my daughter one Jan 16,2003 and the other April 27, 2004. During the April call I was quizzed by my daughter about my plans for the next day and where I would be. The next day I was served with the contempt citation. In July 04 he revoked my visitation because I won't serve his jail time.

My ex was raised in XXXX without a father. XXXX has used the restraining order to build a wall between XXXX and me, as well as the rest of my family. None of XXXX's cousin's, Aunts, Uncles, or Grandfather has had any contact with XXXX since the divorce. XXXX's Aunt XXXX called XXXX at work and asked if she could see XXXX for just 15 minutes. XXXX said NO! When members of my family called XXXX's school to see about having lunch with her they were told that XXXX had left orders that they were to call the police if any of them tried to see XXXX at school. One of XXXX's lawyers sent an unsigned letter to my father trying to extort money for XXXX. XXXX has forced my daughter to be her reluctant surrogate and made her threaten me with arrest if I attend school functions or events. XXXX has deprived me of visitation at her whim by calling my daughter on my cell phone and have her threaten me with jail if don't return her as her mother demands. When I tried to get XXXX for my summer visitation in June 04', I was told by the daycare center that XXXX had forbidden them to give me XXXX for any reason. This has taken its toll on XXXX. Her mother began physically hurting her soon after the divorce. Hitting her with a very hard and wide leather belt. Every Friday regardless of her citizenship grade XXXX is belted for each mark she receives at school. XXXX has also complained of being slapped and hit in the head on a regular basis. XXXX's mother acknowledged during the divorce trial that she felt I was not necessary to raise XXXX. Yet despite this and the testimony from almost all the witnesses about my fitness as a parent Judge Williams found her to be the parent most likely to foster a relationship with the other parent.

My job has been used as a weapon against me by the Florida Court and I will not let it happen any more. In 1992 when You visited Pensacola to stump for your Dad, I talked to you about the lack of rights and recognition of U.S. seamen who served on American ships during the Persian Gulf. I served on the old Zapata Patriot during P.G.1 for seven months. In early Feb 03, I left to serve on a ship that was carrying military equipment for Iraq, as a result I was out of communication with Family, friends and my Lawyer.

I knew from the moment the divorce trial ended, Jan.03, that I was going to appeal, yet Florida law prohibits filing before the Final Judgment is issued by the high and mighty Judge. I returned to the U.S. April 12th , 2003, a Saturday, and received the Final Judgment for the first time that day. On Monday April 14th, I filed an appeal asking D.C. A. 1 to accept my case. They said yes and accepted my appeal as a child custody case and ordered that the appeal be expedited as such.

For over five months I prepared and filed my appeal spending almost $4,000., on transcripts, books, and pleadings. After all that work and cost, the 1st DCA said, "Opp's !!! we made a mistake" and dismissed my appeal at the last minute on the technicality of my missing the 30 day filing deadline.

Governor Bush, if the Florida Uniform Service members Protection Act had covered me, a Seaman, like it does every other Florida Citizen even remotely connected to the Military I would have an extra 30 days to file an appeal or ask for an extension. I lost my daughter not because my appeal lacked merit and substance, but because of a time technicality. That is something that shouldn't happen to any parent.

Even as I write hundreds of Seaman are working on Military Sealift Command vessels shuttling necessary supplies to our troops in Iraq. Could you look any one of them in the face when they return home and tell them they have lost custody to their children because they missed a time deadline while at Sea. My license expires 2006 and I will not renew it, because having it means that the State of Florida can use it to force me to work thousands of miles away from my daughter without any contact and only 9 isolated days a month visitation for the 3 months I'm at home. I will never allow Judge Williams to make me just a wallet in XXXX's life.

Why is the Father's rights always put last? Why is the health and the wellbeing of a child pushed aside for the financial benefits of lawyers? How do you put a value on the loss of just one stolen day away from your children? How do you replace the theft of the touch of your child's hand as you walk together to class or the park? What treasure can replace the last moments of the day as the two of you say your night prays, and then you get that last hug and kiss, as you tuck them in and hear the most priceless words ever spoken, "I Love You, Poppa."? M

ary's childhood is being ripped from my life. Everyday XXXX's life is changed one hit or hurtful word at a time and I am held helpless by a corrupt system. Governor Bush, the Judiciary of The State of Florida gives more rights to heinous criminals on death row than it does to divorced Fathers. I beg you, I plead with you, protect the rights of a loving father that's trying to stay a vital part of his child's life.

Protect XXXX.

Please help me.

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Victim #28 - CSE Makes Support Reporting Error - Victim Faces Jail

Hi campers:

Here's the latest.
I went to court today because of arrears (again). After being allowed to put up a small (restricted by the judge) defense, I was told that I have to pay $1,005.25 purge (again) by December 9th or I will be sent to jail for 60 days.

Most likely, I will be spending Christmas in jail because I am unemployed and poor. And I thought that debtor's prison was abolished.

Again, the fact that the support payments were overpayed, and not credited, were ignored by the courts. None of that matters since, appearances, CSE is not capable of error (so say the courts and state law).

You have to love that the courts know that the numbers that CSE gives them are wrong, but you still have to pay them as well as a purge. No one has yet to explain to me what this purge will do or anything about it.

What a wonderfully fascist society we are living in.

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Victim #27 - Ex Refuses To Become Self-Sufficient - Hides Income

Hello. Don't know if anyone can help, but thought I would explain the situation and see if anyone has any ideas.

February, 1997 dissolution with permanent alimony award. Former wife was 46 at time of July, 1995 filing. Former wife never employed outside the home after September, 1981. Parties married in June, 1973,she 24, me 22.

Permanent alimony modified due to income reduction of myself in October, 1999. Second and last child reached age of majority, May, 2004. Now in college which I am voluntarily providing to my only daughter. Other child from marriage, son, is independent at 23. Lives out of state.

Former wife refuses to return to work force. From February, 1998 through August, 2002, cared for 90 plus mother in former marital home (she got it in the equitable distribution) on 24/7 basis. (Withdrew her from nursing home and accepted her social security check to help defray expenses). Her mother passed away in August, 2002.
Son will only say the inheritance from my former mother in law to my former wife was "substantial". There is no probate filed (elderly lady had disposed of all real estate) to verify.

I have not seen a tax return of former wife since 1999. Last financial affidavit of hers was September, 1999. Largely bogus. Inflated non-marital liabilities to her former attorneys and forensic accountants. They literally raped her financially.

While I could "accept" some continued alimony, problem is that former wife's assets from the initial equitable distribution and inheritance have substantially increased (somewhat speculative on my part due to above absence of evidence produced), and I do not know if she truly has any more "need" for alimony.

By contrast, paying for son's college and now my daughter's college just starting, since I was "wiped out" by the judge's unequal equitable distribution (I was guilty of adultery with dissipation of marital assets), I cannot "catch up" my own retirement account to come anywhere near hers.

Also, since former wife volunteers over 1000 hours as a tutor at the local high school for FCAT challenged students, should I have to "subsidize" her vocational choices which are non income producing over 10 years from the date of final separation? (July, 1994). Current alimony is 28% of base salary gross. Base salary slightly exceeds $100K. Neither party has re-married. No cohabitation, etc by either party to claim some type of expenses splitting going on.

That is the sad tale. Thanks for listening.

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Victim #26 - Greedy Wife Threatens To Kill Husband During Divorce Proceedings

After my X (on the advice of her attorney, a fact I have confirmed) tainted our divorce proceeding with a series of lies and actions, including a restraining order, making it look like I was abusing her, I requested my petition for divorce be withdrawn so there could be a time for cooling off before proceeding.

Because she had threatened to kill me on several occasions (something I believed she would and could do), for my own safety I moved to CA. In my absence, my request to withdraw my petition was denied and her request for default divorce was granted instantly along with $4000/per month (not a typo) permanent lifetime alimony + fully paid medical & dental and a $1,000,000 life ins. policy naming her beneficiary.

Before I left, I made sure she got more than half of all the marital property. I signed over the marital residence and her vehicle to her. Not enough. As part of the decree, she was awarded all my personal possessions, most owned by me long before we were married, including my tools. I did not make a lot of money and never could or was able to pay the awarded alimony, insurance, etc.

After going back to work in CA, she came after me in CA with some Beverly Hills Attys., and had it set up for the court to take 75% of my pretax income. I went to the hearings (representing myself as I could not afford an attorney) and no matter what I said or presented to the court on my behalf, it was rejected out of hand and never considered. The court seemed pre disposed to give her all she asked for and more.

I quit work. This at least stopped her action for now, but I now live with the threat and constant fear that she will get the State to throw me in jail until I agree to work and pay her. FYI she can and has worked, ran her own successful business.

We have no children of our own, she has two adult children (I helped rear and support). She now resides in Indiana. I want to go back to work but fear the instant I do the State will be right there taking it all and giving it to her. I am in the process of filling bankruptcy. Is there a way to get this outrageous alimony decree off my back?

I think I now understand a little of how the slaves in the old south must have felt after they managed to escape, always living in fear, never sleeping, and always looking over their shoulder. Please help.

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