Victim #80: Victim Finds Help and Comfort From Friends

As I look back on it my former spouse planned the divorce. I had a heart attack and she refused to drive me to the hospital, I had to drive myself. Then after my surgery, she took time off work, supposedly to take care of me? But when I returned to work, she didn't go back to HER job. I had the heart attack---SHE quit working...was this planned...I think sooo!

Instead she filed for divorce, telling me she couldn't work full time and since I no longer could work 1 job and my part time job...she decided that bringing in her high school sweetheart to live in the house and me leaving would benefit her financially.

She told me that if I didn't go---she would claim that I abused her and I would be thrown in jail. I'm not really a very big guy---and am scared to death of what happens to you in jail. I had never laid a hand on her---ever...but knew a neighbor who had been blamed for something he didn't do. Face it---the MEN are never believed if the women are good liars?...and sooooo really it's about them holding you hostage within your own marriage.

At the time, I was confused and drained, so I left. For a life...on the street---I guess? I wasn't really sure where I was going or what I was doing. I called my best friend from work and told her what had happened. She and her husband invited me to come to their home temporarily to recuperate and organize myself. It was a calm place with no fighting...very quiet and peaceful. I was given my own room and bath, clean towels and fresh linens, washer/dryer access and whatever I needed to eat. That's when I decided that it's OK to just have the clothes on your back and your golf clubs.

Since that time, these people have fronted legal funds, protected me from having a nervous breakdown and pretty much become my family. They refuse to allow any contact from the former spouse. She is NOT welcome to call, come in the vicinity of their home nor will they have ANY contact with her, although she has tried, they politely refuse interaction.

The high school sweetheart turned out to be an ex-con/drug/alcohol abuser and her plans slowly unraveled as our divorce proceeded. Now---it seems very apparent to me that she was being coached by a combination of her attorney, the divorced female neighbor next door and a few women she knew who had filed "untrue" claims but won.

I was exhausted and I thought it was soooo obvious, that the court would see right through her "game". What I NOW know...is that the courts believe whoever is the best liar. Our proceedings are continuing---5 years later

...this time I am taking her back for enforcement of the final judgment, to which SHE did NOT adhere, even with me giving her $2500 per month...she called the other night on her "marathon"...dialing gig, crying that she has no money--asking "why" I was doing this?---Why---I thought? because my checking account was garnished and my parents were harassed and threatened with a lien on their home because of bills that the former spouse did NOT pay

I refused to listen to whining and begging...I hung up time and time again. Yesterday, she began the charade calling the office...again...I refused to take her call or listen to any pleading. It doesn't matter to me anymore.

This time I AM filing the restraining order against her....with the notation that ALL communication/negotiation is to be done through MY attorney, not me. She thinks that since she is PRO SE that she doesn't have to go to court??...confused ...?? I think she doesn't understand that I really don't care anymore. In fact, I will take great pleasure in making her look foolish in court this time.

SHE didn't do what she was told to do---I did. She intentionally "under/unemployed" herself, which was very obvious the last time we were in mediation. Even the mediator said---how can you make less than minimum wage working 40 hours per week? She said---"oh--I need to be home for the kids"...he said---"how old are your children"---"14 & 20"...and he said....they are not babies or in need of care giving?....so---most of what worked 6 years ago...isn't quite the same as she anticipated it would be.

Today, I am at Disney with my kids...having a great time...right now---everyone is napping...and I am on-line...and life is good.

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Victim #79: Alimony is Legalized Theft

Now that my child support is done, I am moving out of the state of Tennessee which is every bit as bad as Florida when it comes to Alimony. I will not send my tax dollars to a state that follows this socialist ideology. Does anyone know or have any experience with the state of Mississippi?

It is interesting to me that even though female divorce judges here in Tennessee publicly proclaim that "lifetime alimony" is almost impossible to get, I personally know a number of professionals who have been forced into this indentured servitude -- although I have never heard of a lawyer that has been. And my ex-wife got it without any difficulty - or reason at all.

What it boils down to is that LIFETIME ALIMONY is a form of legalized and judicially sanctioned THEFT. Yes, it is STEALING which is much more easily done with a black robe than with a gun. And it conforms to socialist ideology perfectly.

I have lost the freedom to pursue endeavors that I would really like to because of my indentured servitude of LIFETIME ALIMONY. This is really tragic in a "free country" and although we supposedly have the protection of "free speech", I do have some anxiety that expressing my opinions in emails such as these will eventually come back to haunt me.

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Victim #78: Penalized for Saving

After getting divorced I tried to keep my lifestyle conservative and accumulate as much savings as possible for my upcoming mandatory retirement, that was to come up in ten years.

Prior to the divorce, I had already lost a good deal of my retirement benefits from a former employer, when it went bankrupt. Then my Ex got half of ALL my remaining retirement benefits plus any retirement benefits/funds/pensions/etc. I was to accrue during the time between my divorce and my retirement.

Like anyone else has found himself in a similar position, I made a serious effort to save for my upcoming termination of wages. What I did not realize was that the money I was putting back by "eating beans instead of steak" was that these funds could be used to justify further alimony payments. I didn't realize that if my Ex was living "high-on-the-hog", what I was saving only was providing more money to enhance my "Ability-to-Pay".

What's wrong with this picture? Maybe it's only here in Florida that this can and does happen.

I feel this is terribly unjust. How can I avoid paying my Ex what I strived so hard to save while she was spending not only nearly half a million in alimony, but also a good portion of the retirement monies that were turned over to her a decade ago.

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Victim #77: Some Vengeful Ex's Give Women A Bad Name

My husband and I recently married. I've known him for years and years and was fully aware of the alimony order in place from their divorce 4 years ago. They were only married for 10 years.

Problem is that she became enraged when she found out that we got married and had the audacity to purchase a new home. The one thing that she doesn't know is that I make considerably more money than he does (about 3x). So everything that we have is because I purchased it.

Long story short, she's taking him back to court for payment of arrearages owed (from when he was unemployed in 2003 and the alimony was $350 a week) and for contempt of court. The contempt charges stem from the credit reporting bureaus.

When they divorced they had a considerable amount of credit card debt which of course he got so kindly ordered to pay. But during the time which he was unemployed he was unable to make the payments on time every time. He didn't miss a single payment and hasn't since, but some were late and since the credit was in both their names it got reported to her SSN also. So she is suing him for not "holding her harmless".

This woman is highly educated, a former school teacher and now a paralegal making almost double his income.

I've tried researching the laws in our state (OH) to see if I can find any way to get out of this ridiculous obligation, but the only information that I can find is geared towards the recipient. I can't find a single law, judgment, or ruling that protects the payor.

I'm sorry, but it's women that do these sort of things that give the rest of us a bad name!

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Victim # 76: Beware Mediated Agreement

In retrospect, I look at how long my ex-wife set me up for alimony.

It started when she refused to get a job even when all the kids were in school. I am sure looking back that she was coached by an attorney (in her case a man hating lesbian) on what to do.

Of course, after she filed for divorce, she stated she was unable to maintain a job. That's when you get tagged for temporary support and this sets the stage for alimony. Be careful with this amount! She needed to be retrained to enter the workplace. I guess if she wanted to be a doctor, she would need support for 10 years.

One week after the settlement, she found a job working for her brothers making minimum wage. She lasted a year in college with a part time schedule. I really don't blame her. I blame myself, my lawyer and most of all the system.

I would tell anybody going into mediation to have total amount of money that you know you can afford in mind. If your spouse comes back with a much higher amount than your amount, offer your max as a final amount and if they don't accept it be willing to walk. Don't waste time going back and forth.

If you are a man you will probably be paying opposing counsel, your attorney and the mediator. It is better to walk out than get stuck with a bad settlement. As my new attorney says "you mediated a settlement that was worse than your worst day in court."

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Victim #75: Mad As Hell

I am new to this site but have read lots on this issue. I live in Florida and have been divorced from ex for almost 4 years and have been forced to pay her support of $700.00 per month for life or until death or remarry [could only hope].

My problem is I know for a fact that ex is cohabiting but I cannot prove it to Florida court satisfaction. She makes more money than I, lives in a much nicer home and has money in the bank.

Florida does not care that I can't afford the time of day much less the fact that she got everything house, cars, contents plus lifetime extortion payments.

The question is: are you ready to make a national and local stand against this injustice to all men that want to do the right thing, men who will take care of their children if they father them, men who would do the right thing if their ex really did need $ help for a reasonable amount of time. If so stand up and let your voices be heard. We will not get it done by talking we have to act or it will be your great grand kids still paying for and unjust system nation wide..

Lets unite and take a national stand you can bet that the media and politicians will listen then .... Mad as hell and ready to take a stand.

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Victim #74: Retirement Only A Dream

As a second wife, I can attest to the fact that second wives suffer as a result of the unjust alimony "scheme." My husband is being forced to pay over $10,000.00 a year to his ex-wife, who left him. She claimed he was an alcoholic and cheated on her many time and even had relations with young family members! (her sister and niece who were about 15 at the time!) Of course I don't believe this for a moment!

My husbands ex-wife had told us that she only needed alimony for a few years. Of course we helped as he and she had 2 daughters in college at that time.

His ex has a good job and a pension which is vested. She started to go out all the time, spending money on foolish things and then came the request for more alimony and for an extended period of time.

For the last 4 years we have been struggling to make ends meet! We have our own bills and now are facing losing our home! I have been forced at my age (62)to take on a second job to help pay for her alimony!

How can we fight this? We want to retire in a couple of years and its sad that we probably wont be able to do that!

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Victim #73: Agony in New Jersey

I'm 62 years old, was divorced in NJ after a 28-year-marriage. She wasn't cheating, I was. No, it was not nice, but it is done. Those were not the grounds. I was somehow drawn into serving her. The judge served up child support (no issue) and lifetime alimony. Even my lawyer said it was the custom. The judge said "Don't lose your job." I did, at the end of 2001. That's where I learned about a case called Lepis v. Lepis that has made law in Jersey. You can have your change of circumstances, but you can also sell your 401(K) to keep the lady in her accustomed lifestyle.

I impoverished myself and sold my future to a stockbroker. I took my ex to court 3 times in 2002 and lost every time. My circumstances were considered "temporary." My arrested alcoholism (still is) was a "so what" matter. So were the other psychological issues that went with it. I gave up.

When I returned to work 18 months later I was immediately "wage executed" again. I was early 40% than I was in 1998 but I refused to go back to court. Instead I declared bankruptcy because I had card-kited to live during the time out of work and the salary did not cover it.

I left that job in January for a job that paid $12K more. Sixty days later it was over. You cannot debate any point even if you are not arguing in a family-held business.

No savings, no pension, no nothing. I just stopped paying. I am quite delinquent. They don't put you in jail in NJ anymore, debtor's prison is gone, but they can take your unemployment benefits. I went to see a so-called lawyer from Monmouth-Ocean Legal Services, and he said these words to me: "You have no hope."

Unemployment can be stolen but it is not a grounds for reduction. Go figure. I almost told the lawyer to drive me to the nearest bar and give me a ten dollar bill for seed money, but I didn't. I will not give my ex the satisfaction. She knows my situation--I have tried to be direct and honest with her. But I'm running out of steam. Lifetime alimony is farcical, since she works, has her own social security, a chunk of mine, and a pension. I have
nothing. But I, the great sinner, am supposed to keep paying.

I am tempted to just retire and live on nothing, but there is a vestige in me of Fight.

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Victim #72: Mass Disobedience Is The Only Solution

I think it is pretty clear that we are heading into a major depression not just a recession. The tentacles are creeping into everything and even the standard bogus numbers produced by our fine government are starting to show serious signs of weakness (and considering how cooked those numbers are this is a major feat). I don't know of a whole lot of people who has lost their job but it seems clear that this is what is on the horizon and approaching like a runaway train.

With the standard practice of "imputing" income for child support and alimony firmly a part of the family court system there is no give if something like this happens. The numbers of men currently under orders is staggering and well into the millions, when these men start losing their jobs, their houses, their life savings, etc. the obvious solution on the part of the talking heads (who caused this mess in the first place but that is another topic) will be to swell the jail population - but that too has its limits.

Mass disobedience seems to me to be the only real possible outcome. If even 10% of the current total case load went back to court you'd clog the system well beyond its capacity to operate. Of course we've outsourced justice to organizations like Maximus who are free to take whatever they want without consequence but eventually even this level of plunder has its limits.

Child support terror operates within the framework of assets that are easy to steal, people who are easy to jail, and compliance. All of this falls apart when your primary concern is bread lines and basic survival. There are just too many parasites and not enough hosts and the standard practice of torturing the host doesn't work when the host is facing a choice of life or death if it continues to support everything the U.S. demands. It is already the case that certain acts of theft will get you less jail time than a child support contempt order will. Heck if they do the revolving contempt order (with new contempt for six months generated every month you are in jail) *murder* starts looking like a reasonable alternative.

My point is something needs to give and the U.S. has a very poor track record of ever admitting that its made a mistake. I think the last time that happened was with the repeal of prohibition and those in charge have shown that this knowledge is quickly forgotten as they continue to prosecute the war on drugs as if it made any difference.

Countries can and have existed as slave states for a time but they all eventually collapse as slave labor just isn't as efficient. People work much harder for themselves than they do for others regardless how hard you whip them. What I see happening is the run up to the fall of the Soviet Union where everyone was a slave, no one really wanted to do anything, and this apathy ran so thick that it eventually overcame the fear of being punished. Even sadist judges who enjoy torturing men need an army of loyal serfs to carry out their wishes, and if their hearts aren't really in it then nothing happens. At the very least arresting people (and housing them) is work and the police aren't going to want to go arrest 10 million men even assuming none of them turn violent and counter attack.

I realize that I am just wondering out loud here but does anyone know if any of the powers that be have even acknowledged that job loss and a new great depression might, just this once, be a teensy weensy reason why ex-wifey can't remain in Starbucks and Saks 5th avenue shoes this month? Wondering if anyone knows if any judge has resisted the jail em all mentality in light of this economic hurricane that is hitting.

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Victim #71: Supports Ex-wife's Cohabitation Lifestyle

My father-in-law just went through this right before Thanksgiving. His ex-wife has been living with someone for 7 years. They wear rings on their wedding fingers, when the boyfriend was in the hospital he listed her on the hospital records as his wife, they are each other beneficiary if the other dies and the list goes on. My father-in-law pays her $3K a month which happens to be 50% of his income.

When they divorced she received everything but the house,which had already gone into foreclosure, which he gave it back to the bank. Since they sold it for $20,000 less then he owed he was responsible for that money . He was responsible for paying all their marital debt. She received 100% of his retirement ($150,000) which she has spent and she is the beneficiary of a million dollar life insurance policy that she will get when he dies (even though he is now remarried).

After her son turned 18 and the child support stopped she took him back to court and had the child support rolled into her alimony and won even though her 18 year old son was living with his father.

Anyway, he tried negotiating, but she would not settle for a reduction of alimony. So, based on the sb152 [Florida Senate Co-habitation Bill 152] they went to court. My husband and his brother testified on his fathers behalf.

We watch him struggle while she is going on numerous extravagant vacations (California, Vegas and a 5 day cruise all in 4 months), her boyfriends 2004 crown victorian is paid for, she had a brand new home built then remodeled it 2 years later. She makes $11/hr working 25-30 hours a week (this is a healthy women perfectly capable of working a FT job) and the boyfriend makes 30K. Her defense......he pays rent and she is his landlord. They even relocated to Orlando together.

The ruling went to the ex-wife. So, he is still paying the $3k a month and now he is also responsible for paying her attorneys fees which are $10,000. This poor man is supporting not only his ex-wife, but his ex-wife's boyfriend and the courts are allowing it. We were sure that he would win and we were terribly mistaken.

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Victim #70: Parties Assets Consumed by Lawyers

I will share my story so people might get something from what have happened to me that might be of some help to them. I believe the better way to judge a person is to review that person's behavior patterns in the past; just like to review a person's past credit card history. If the person has repetitively defaulted the payments, the behavior patterns clearly speak the truth.

As stated in the article previously emailed to me, in general, the divorce is a waste of mutual marital assets. All disputes could be reasonably resolved if the parties could be reasonable. Before I hired my former attorney (I like him, decent attorney) to represent me during the divorce process from 1997 to 1999, I had one time consultation with the other female Boston attorney. She charged me $650 for that one hour consultation.

Because she didn't want to represent me against my ex's law firm, she said this to me: "Since I will not represent you, I will give this straight-talk advice. In the divorce, no matter which attorney or law firm you have, no matter how both parties argue in the court, the judge usually will cut the "assets pie" practically the same way he would cut for the case that was reasonable resolved. The difference is the assets pie became much smaller in an aggressively contested case." Retrospectively, she was speaking the truth. The attorneys bite away the pie; the money that could be used for both parties and the children.

In my case, my hospital employer was in financial difficulties and had to down size and cut the staff. After working 17 years for the hospital, I was laid off with 90-day advance notice. I filed complaint for modification within 5 days. Also, prior to the university graduations of two of my daughters, I also filed complaints for modification to reduce child support payments. My ex and her attorney manipulated and complicated the case into suing judges, court clerks, the Courts; based on frivolous ground. The judges became defendants themselves.

One by one, the judges recused themselves out off the case. The case "stayed" as it was. The alimony and child support were blocked for modification until three years later. By this time, I was in severe financial hardship and DOR/CSE had been misled and unjustifiably imposed sanctions against me. Although I actually over paid about 48 weeks of child support payment, all of my money in any accounts has been confiscated through SSN attachment; tax refunds intercepted; passport and medical license revoked.

After radical kidney cancer operation complicated with stage 3 chronic kidney disease of the remaining left kidney and liver problems, I filed complaint for modification again. I requested the judge to at least temporarily lift SSN attachment, so the bank will not confiscate the paycheck deposited into my account and totally give it to my ex. I requested the judge at least allow some money for my most basic life and medical needs. The judge declined; I have to go through "standard process". Most likely I have to wait until the scheduled trial before I will know how my life will be.

Even with medical conditions at age 60+, I want to support myself without burdening others or the government. Being Pro Se since 1999, very faulty Massachusetts law has pushed me off the cliff, totally strangulated me legally and financially. Imposing misled and unjustified DOR/CSE's sanctions against me only puts me further behind the long-overdue-should-have-been-modified order.

After the judge of Salem Court declined my emergency request to lift DOR/CSE's sanctions against me two days ago, without any better way out, I went to Department of Social Service Administration for governmental help. Being forced to go to Welfare Office to apply for governmental help is the darkiest moment in my life; the self esteem and the dignity ruined. Thing do not need to end up like this.

In my case just like many other cases, the issues about child support or alimony could easily and reasonably be resolved if the receiving party and the judge could be reasonable. It is very obvious and clear to me that if the husband is laid off, suffers from serious disease or the children have graduated from college and are "emancipated", court order should get modified in time. Unfortunately, through my ex's legal manipulations, I ended up in a hopeless situation with no light visible at the end of the tunnel. My ex as well as Mass divorce law are killing the cow to get the milk and killing the hen to get the eggs. My story is like a movie, it is a sad one.

My life is involuntarily messed up by the "law". I no longer young. I wish I could have the money, I rather give the money to my ex-wife to satisfy her greed and aggressiveness, so my life can move on. Have any one ever heard a never-felt-satisfied ex-wife turned around, complicated a simple divorce of "irreconcilable personality conflicts" into suing all judges, court clerks, five Mass courts whoever had ever directly or indirectly involved the case for 9+ years and continuing? Things do not have to end like this. If I could have the money, I would give to her to move on. Sadly being Pro Se since 1999, all I had had been unjustifiably and manipulatively confiscated. It is modern slavery and servitude.

Thank you for your prayer for me. I have come to realization that seeking peace from God is the only way out of this never-ending misery.

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Victim #69: Massachusetts Injustice System

At Salem Court on October 30, there were two other child support / alimony related cases immediately before the judge heard my case. The first man was a white Caucasian in the late 40's or early 50's. He stated he had been unemployed living in a government shelter. His ex-wife was represented by an attorney.

After hearing, he was hands cuffed, ankles chained, taken away immediately by the court police and sentenced to jail for 10 days. The second man was a hispanic in mid-30's. He stated he tried to find job; he got one. But he was laid off after couple months. He is still looking for another job; but he could not get one so far. He was hands cuffed, ankles chained, taken away immediately by the court police and sentenced to jail for 30 days on the spot. Then, it was our case. I was Pro Se; my ex was represented by her Boston attorney.

Because I was able to present to the judge that I actually over paid 48 weeks of child support, the judge did not imprison me on the spot. For the alimony issue, the judge set a trial date on Feb. 10, 2009.

Massachusetts legal system is very faulty; it critically needs reform. Massachusetts is likely the only state that puts the emancipation age of the child at age 23 if enrolled as a full time student (Google search). Even my daughter graduated in June 2007 from university and she has been fully employed with annual income of $59,000, I was ordered to continue paying child support until April 2008 (age 23) simply because I did not file complaint for modification before her university graduation in June 2007.

I can not go back to my country now, because my passport has been revoked as a result of my ex's legal manipulation even though I over paid child support. My story could be a movie, a sad story. But I realize now that I am not alone. Neither slavery nor involuntary servitude should exist in the United States. Unfortunately, we are actually in this modern slavery.

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Victim #68: False Domestic Violence Accusations

It is amazing how many false filings take place. I used to be naive and ignorant and when I heard of a woman accusing a bf or husband of domestic violence my first thought was "what an SOB that guy was". Having going through divorce and the dirty tactics that are used, I do not believe one single domestic violence case unless there is video evidence.

I still remember the final straw in my marriage. My wife was drunk as a skunk as always. We were on our way of splitting up. She said she was going to call 911. I asked why. She said she was going to tell them I hit her. I laughed and said that I had never laid a hand on her in our entire life, they would never believe her. She said she would make sure she had bruises on her before the police arrived. That sent chills up my spine. I knew then it was time to go through a divorce.

It also sent chills up my spine because it is exactly what was said to a neighbor of mine a year earlier when they got divorced. It was obvious the two women had been talking..........

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