One of the good things about forum groups is you are not alone, and there is some consolation in knowing you are not alone, and in sometimes getting the feeling things can be done about the situation.
I had a long marriage, 17 years, in Jersey, and was faced with permanent alimony. I "bought my wife" out of my pension and got her to agree to 8 years alimony by giving her our house. Of course, I made every payment on the house for 15 years, she made none, but pensions are considered joint property in Jersey as in Massachusetts, so even though I did all the work, sweat, and toil for it, to keep it I had to trade all my equity in the house. So I live in a house with no equity and she lives in a house almost all paid for, but in 3 years I'll be done with alimony.
It is like having a parasite feeding off you. The system gives these parasites an unjustified sense of entitlement.