Victim #53: Prefers Jail to Paying Alimony

Big mistake getting married. Now both of your incomes become one and the more money and assets the more the judge is going to take away from you. I did the same (got Married) and to my surprise my alimony went up from $1200.00 to $1500.00 a month because I was also unable to pay her alimony on time due to "change in circumstances".

I had to divorce my second wife, because she did not think it was fair for her having to work and helping me give my other ex-wife such an obnocious amount of money. And she was totally right. So, we the slaves have no rights, no future, and not a chance to have a decent life as long as we have to pay another working adult what the LAW calls ALIMONY.

That is my situation. I quit my job in Miami and came to Puerto Rico to have some peace of mind and start a new life. I was "WRONG". The judge in Broward County (Alan Marks) told me that that was my choice and that I was underemployed. Well so are thousands here with degrees that can find a decent job. My average salary here is about $1400.00 a month and I still have to pay my Ex $900.00 a month.

I am so tired of working to have to support her that I am about to not give her anything else and just go to jail. At least there I will have 3 meals a day and a place to sleep.

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Victim #52: A Letter To A Reuter's Reporter Regarding Divorce Article

MS Stern:

Your Reuter's article from Washington is well taken, giving excellent advice to the divorcing spouse. The article is gender biased but I would like to assume it applies to the many women who are paying alimony. But lets take a look at how it really works based on my personal experience, which is typical of most "experiences" by the male giver in a divorce situation.

My "X" did hire all of the consultants you recommended and I had none, being quite naive at the time. So the bottom line was that she ended up with lifetime alimony (her life). This means that I can never remarry with a state license for fear of my new spouse being sued for alimony payments. The "X" is litigious to a fault. The "family law system" has also made it illegal for me to marry without a license.

She received 100% of the market value of the house, I made up the difference between what it actually sold for and the "market" value. That and other cash entitlements that her consultants felt she needed meant that I ended up with negative cash flow and was required to sell all (three pieces) of the North Georgia property I received in the settlement.

That left me with $199 of a 30 year aerospace pension, no savings, and no social security as I developed a heart condition and had to retire before social security started.

So I am now 70 years old, have a significant other and we live up here in the mountains on my social security. We don't use the air conditioner and cut our wood for heat in the winter. We do odd jobs to supplement the social security. Our entertainment is Saturday night when we go to Arbys and Wally World.

The "X" vacations in Australia and Europe and makes two trips from her gated community in the Sail Fish Capitol of the World to Connecticut in her Chrysler convertible. This year she plans a trip to England.

Please take another look. Interview some men. Get the real story.

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Victim #51: The More They Get, The More They Want

My husband has to pay permanent alimony to his Ex-wife XXXX.

1992 XXXX had an affair and filed for divorce. Everything was split in half. She received $600,000.00 and he paid for her Master’s degree at Columbia University. He also paid for her Bachelors degree. He had to pay $3500.00 month alimony.

He had (Whole Life) Ins. policy that she wanted cashed in. She received the full amount of $98,455.29. Then she wanted (Term Life) Ins. policy. Term means limited period of time. She was the (owner (meaning in control) and beneficiary) of the 7-year term policy and he made the payments.

He was diagnosed with Early Alzheimer’s December 1998 and had to quit work as a Physician. He took her back to court May 1999 to get alimony eliminated but the (mediator) Judge would only lower it to $2100.00 a month and now they gave it to her tax-free. They said it was because he was getting his disability tax-free.

April 2002 Michael took her back to court because she is teaching at a School of Art & Design in XXXX & was working at XXXX & has a live in XXXX (who is a Family Law Attorney.) They have been together since March of 1994. They won’t marry because she would loose her alimony.

After finding out she was fired from XXXX his attorney was going to stop the proceeding but she counter-sued because the (term) policy was going to expire and she wanted $250,000.00 to replace that policy.

When we realized that Judge Thompson wasn’t aware of the WHOLE life policy our Attorney wanted to present more facts and the Judge didn’t want to hear anymore. The Judge ruled Michael had done an anticipatory breach by not keeping the TERM policy SHE OWNED in effect. The Policy stated it could not be converted.

Judge Thompson didn’t raise or lower alimony and said NO to the $250,000.00. She took it to the appellant court. We couldn’t tell the appellant court he had a whole life because we had not told Judge Thompson. The 3 Judges granted her $250,000.00 to receive if he dies before her and she is still eligible. Yet alimony is supposed to stop when he dies. They are treating the Insurance policy as though it were a WHOLE life.

This lawsuit that started in 2002 is not over. Next court date is with a new Judge that really doesn’t know the case. So far we have paid $63,019.41 for his attorney and the Judge made him pay $51,591.68 to her attorney and She is now asking for $7,500,00 more in fees.

[Editor's note: Notice the transfer of wealth of approx. $117,000 from the parties assets to the bank accounts of lawyers. The legal industry profits immensely from adversarial relationships resulting from one of the parties greed along with the blessing of the family law court injustice system. They show no mercy on the sick and suffering while rewarding egregious behavior.]

She is still teaching Interior Design at XXXX and since 2003 is the Interior Designer at XXXX in XXXX. The law is allowing these men and women receiving alimony to get a free ride and it is not fair. Permanent alimony should be abolished. Please change the law now. My husband will need his money for his care.

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Victim #50: Lifetime Alimony Award Infers Women Unable To Support Themselves

My wife and I have been sleeping in difference rooms for about 8 years. I was very upset for her spending tens of thousands of dollars without even telling me until I found out from the credit report. This has happened 4 times in the past 10 years --- over $100k has gone while I have no idea what she has bought – she does not want to show me the credit card statement at all.

I stay in this marriage for the kids and I want to spend more time with them. Also, I have been suspicious that she is gay, but I am too busy to look around for the evidence. Really a very unhappy family life. Then I had an affair last year. My daughter found out recently and told my wife. Then my wife filed divorce (though I had been thinking of filing too after kids are older, the two young kids are 15 yrs now, oldest is 19 yrs).

My take-home is about $11k, hers is about $3.5k (she has a part-time job, could be working full-time). Then her attorney sent me a letter stating that I need to pay her permanent alimony of $6.5k monthly. Even my wife said that she would not get that amount but the attorney put the number there, I guess it is for negotiation purpose. We have one house and a second vacation house on mortgage.

I talked with one of the top family law attorney in south Florida here, who said that I may need to pay $4.5k lifelong alimony, which will leave me less than $1000 after the mortgage, child support and alimony. And another one said $1.5k - 2.5k alimony.

I have been thinking how unfair it is, if the law in Florida is to award a lifelong alimony to one spouse just by making the payer spouse poor or as a kind of punishment by even making the payer spouse not living a happy life after divorce, since FL is a no-fault state, while the purpose of the law is to have both spouse maintain the current life standards.

Nowadays, the world is talking about human rights and equality. The lifelong alimony is certainly swaying from this and putting women into a weaker position, because it assumes that women can NOT support themselves after divorce, that women will NOT gain the right of making a living by themselves, and that women are denied of the right of education!

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Victim #49: Unequal Distribution In A Community Property State

I'll make this as brief as possible. After 22 years of marriage my wife and I started going thru a divorce. 1 1/2 years later we had a preliminary hearing in which the judge stated 1.)that we would either split pensions 50/50 because Maine is a 50/50 State or each keep our own. 2.) No alimony 3.) I would continue paying child support till our youngest was 18. This was reasonable.

Three months later the Judge at our final hearing ruled that she could take 50% of my retirement and keep all of hers. Her retirement system is a much better plan than mine; hers is a state system. She would also take 60% of one 401K and 50% of the other. She will also receive $100.00 a week LIFE TIME ALIMONY. She earns $48,500 yr with summers off. My base at the time was 52,500 + 8,400 Bonus for not having the company provided insurance policy,which I would loose when I was no longer on the wifes plan. $8,000 was also added for quarterly bonuses. These bonuses were not this high and we haven't made them the past 2 quarters (Not Guaranteed).

There isn't any stipulation such the x-wife remarrying or financial gain to end this Life-Time Servitude. Her oldest brother has his own law firm and all the attorneys and judges know each other. She bragged about this to our sons. What now?

We had the final hearing in Oct 2005. The judges order came out end of Nov - beginning of Dec. My attorney filed a Motion to reconsider, which we did not receive till the end of Feb, 2006. The judge stayed with his original order. We then filed a motion for findings of fact. The judge still has not replied to this yet as of my knowledge. My attorney does not return my calls. I spoke with her about 3 weeks ago and have been trying to reach her on several occaisions. My youngest son turned 18 on Feb 10, 2006. No settlement agreements.

Haven't been able to reach my attorney for several weeks. I did receive a letter from my attorney yesterday which is a copy of the opposing atty asking the Maine District Court to find me in contempt for alimony payments. I asked my attorney's secretary a few weeks ago to see about being able to have the payments direct deposited but never a got a response. I can't seem to get representation in this case whatsoever.

I am torn as to weather I should be making alimony payments or not? I mean I want to fight this and if I'm making payments during the interim I would like to do it in a manner that best protects me. She used to lie about not receiving child support, I had to show the records of all the checks she had cashed. Every week was accounted for!

I never failed to make child supprt payments. The judge actually increased the amount I was required to pay under Maine guidelines by about $250. a month and made it retroactive back over 1 1/2 yrs to when I was still living at home. She would actually hold on to some checks and wait to cash them all at once. Then it started being deducted from my pay to DHHS State of Maine. At least she couldn't mess with those records.

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Victim #48: One Victim's Legal Representation Opinion

I am in Tampa, Florida and Yes I "had" an attorney. The other day she decided to withdraw from my case based on "irreconcilable differences", according to her, she felt that by me not agreeing to: lifetime alimony, not authorizing to pay my wife's retainer up front and my unwillingness to change the mediation date she considered me unreasonable.

My Atty, will be at mediation but after that she's gone. I read at the Florida Bar association that if I even notion any sort of threat, she (my atty.) can take action against me. Wow....

So I think I will go to mediation and try to make this journey on my own. By the way, this is my second attorney, they all seem to be somewhat unattached, uncaring and disinterest. I've paid about 10K and running out of money, knowing what my wife is going to get.

Anyway, that's my story.

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Victime#47: Unbelievable!!! And You Thought It Couldn't Happen In America

Hello friends,

I have a question on behalf of my good friend, XXXX that I hope somebody can answer.

Quick background: He finally got his judgment on his alimony modification in June. Judge said no reduction in alimony. In addition XXXX was ordered to 90 days in jail unless he comes up with $250,000 (he could probably come up with $2,500, but certainly not $250,000!), must surrender his passport, must sign a mortage on his home to benefit the ex-wife, must assign 100% of his income to his ex-wife (effectively for the rest of his life, since he earns $48,000 per year and his alimony is $200,000 per year). Must pay $727,000 in arrears to ex-wife, must pay $187,000 to ex-wife's attorney.

Current status: XXXX's attorneys have been arguing with the court regarding its authority to issue such draconian orders, many of which violate his constitutional rights and exceed the power of the court. The court came back last week with its latest judgment retracting only that it will not order XXXX to sign a mortgage to his ex-wife. There is however a judicial lien against the property, which is listed with a broker and which he has been trying to sell this summer. The house is his only remaining asset.

XXXX has to go before the judge again on August 25. It sounds like he will have to go to jail at this point for 90 days.

His question: He is worried about what will happen to his wife and children while he is in jail. His wife is self-employed and he is worried that the court might try to disrupt his wife's business or attach her income in some way. I told him that as far as I know, the court can look at her information, and consider her income when making a judgment, but can only make orders against him and his assets. Is this true?

This is my own question: It seems to me that he cannot be determined to be in contempt of court and placed in jail if he does not have the ability to pay. Jail is a penalty for wilfully disobeying the court and cannot be used in a punative manner. Can he fight this and get released somehow? 90 days is a long time for an innocent man to sit behind bars.

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Victim #46: Second Wife Scared of The Future - Living in a Nightmare

Trust me- it's no better in Illinois. My husband is paying his ex $3750/45k plus $3k annually for kid's health insurance plus $2k annually for additional activities, plus $150.00 a week, per child (2) for out of network psychologists, plus his income has been reduced to $65K BEFORE taxes- plus ungodly attorney's fees that keep coming. Bear in mind there is NOTHING wrong emotionally with these teenagers accept a deranged, jealous, bitter Mother.

She wanted the divorce and my husband got stuck for 2 years of dragging on the nightmare. Illinois does not promote permanent alimony- they were married for 18 years and then separated, celebrating their 20 anniversary across a mediation table. She is 46, has a college degree and was a bank VP when they married.

Her wealthy father supplements her income of $65k plus- in addition, pays all of her attorney's fees and then she sues my husband for more "crap". As the "agreement" reads- it looks like permanent unallocated maintenance of $3750/$45,000 until she is dead. She inherited over $100K last year according to an ally of my husband's. She also has a new job making more money but I don't know how to prove any of this.

The judge told my husband (we were just dating at the time) he should settle w/this or it would be worse at trial. He can't afford college for his daughter next year. The evil witch will likely pay the tuition (her Dad will) and she'll sue my husband even though she won't sit down and talk to him about this.

It's frightening that a judge would allow a man to have to pay this for life and then some... His daughter is now 18 and his son is 15, going on 16. With no money for college for these kids, I don't know what the court will say here. It's really scary. Trust me, $1,000.00 monthly for life would be a lot better.

I can never stop working and I am likely not going to be ale to quit work so I can raise a child we want to adopt. He has to pay an evil witch 45K to spend on herself- trust me, she shops for sale clothes at Kohl's and spends thousands on a new sport SUV for herself and redecorating the house. He has NOTHING but debt and it continues to grow and I am scared to death about what kind of future we have.

He was making $110K and now making $65K as he has to give her $45K. She claimed in court (her jackass attorney) that as a college graduate and ex- bank vice president, she was only able to make $20K with her personal business. What a crock.

My husband also pays over $3k for health insurance, a fortune of debt for psychologists she forces them to continue to see, $3k plus interest left for his son's braces, $2k annually for extra children's activities b/c the $45k is not enough for this greedy miserable piece of white trash. He has emptied any savings from 401K to pay for ongoing attorney's fees.

The decree is a nightmare. The attorney says he will have to go back and fight but with what? She gets a ton of money from her Dad, has a new job and we don't know how to verify this... It's just awful.

She also got the house which is valued at $750K right now. They are suppose to discuss a special ed college program for their daughter and agree between themselves how to pay for this. She will ignore this, have her Dad pay the $30K for the year and sue my husband for all of it. She will then increase her income even more because she won't disclose her new employment I don't know what to do.

She should be held in contempt for failure to disclose a better job and more income (modifying the $45K she gets)and not complying with the parenting agreement to disclose new employment and to agree to sit down and discuss this child's future.

His CS obligation would have been about $17k for 2 children in Illinois or $13K for one. His daughter is 18 now and though she is mentally handicapped, she is very high functioning and able to learn to live independently of her codependent mother. If this child can go to a college support program, he should be relieved of the CS for her so he could apply that toward school. I

t's a nightmare. He cannot continue at this pace. Can they force him to take out a loan when he will have no extra $$ to pay the loan back? Someone wake me from the nightmare.

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Victim #45: Slave For 31 Years In Tennessee

I live in Nashville Tenn area, will be glad to help. I am in my 31st year of paying alimony.

I just went thru about $15K trying to get it eliminated, but did not prevail, even tho she makes more money than I, and I am retired.

Does not make a difference to these jerks. Now they want me to pay her attorney fees on top of all this. Sure makes me happy, I can tell you I am smiling all the way to the bank???

The Tenneessee Supreme Court refused to accept the case, no reason given, said they did not have to give one!

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