Victim #120: His Last Night in the House

My last night in the house.

Woke up at 9:00am to go to church with my two sons. I called the house afterward and my wife was not there. I took the boys bowling and then out to lunch. Called the house, still no wife. Ran some errands and went home. When I arrived, there were suit cases in the driveway. I asked her where she was going and she told me that she was going to the Fl. Keys for the week with the kids. She mentioned two weeks earlier that she wanted to go down for a weekend but never bought it back up. She was also going to take the only car. That means I had no ride in to work the next day (didn't matter to her).

She had been drinking and it was raining. I told her she should have made arrangements to rent a car or at least let me know, I could not be without a vehicle. She through the suitcases in the truck back seat. I reached in and took the keys out of the ignition. At the same time she grabbed for the keys and broke off the remote control for the alarm and then punched me in the mouth. God as my witness, I never so much as touched her!

So, here I am bleeding and she has been drinking. What do you do????? You call the cops and sit outside and wait for them. That's what they tell you to do on the show "Cops."

To make a long story short, they show up and see my lip and the blood on my shirt. She counters and says I grabbed her hand. The cops come over to me and tell me I have to leave. I complain and say "I called you and I was hit." He gets in my face and says that he will arrest us both if I don't leave.They also confiscate all my guns.

She files and receives a restraining order against me the next morning, even though I was at the court house before her and filed before her. I never step foot back in the house again.

I loose the kids, the house, my dignity and $240,000 in alimony over the next 10 years.

I have NO CONFIDENCE for Florida Family Court Law. If you are a guy, you are going to get Fucked! Offer a lump sum alimony payment and leave the state.

Damn the Judges, lawyers, forensic accountants and all the other whores of the court to hell.

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Victim #119: Florida Courts Create A Dilemma in New Mexico

I was divorced in Florida in Oct., 1999. This was a mediated divorce with a marital settlement agreement. I was convinced by lawyer and the mediator at the time, to accept and sign off on it. That agreement was accepted by the Florida court and became final at the above mentioned date. The divorce settlement agreement called for permanent, periodic alimony in the amount of $7,50in Florida. I was married for approximately 23 years.

In 2001 because of the recession, the Dot Com bust, and 9-11, my income dropped approx. 62%. I went for a modification of my alimony as allowed. After 9 months of legal wrangling I had my day in court attended by my attorney and a forensic CPA. After the hearing was over in West Palm Beach, Judge Phillips took the matter under advisement and went on a vacation. 5 weeks later he came back with his ruling and reduced my alimony by ZERO!

This through me into such a horrible state mentally that I was forced to leave my job and I ended up on disability for severe anxiety and depression. Since I was only making $7,500.00 to $8,500.00 per month at that time and worked solely off commissions and was still required to pay the full alimony of $7,500.00 per month, I knew it would be impossible to continue working because of the extreme pressure this put on me and I couldn't manufacture commissions. My disability was enough to cover the ongoing alimony payments plus support myself. The only problem was the disability had a finite term of 2 years.

After being on disability for 2 years and paying the required alimony continuously the disability ran out due to policy limitations. That was in March, 2005. Before this took place my attorney and I tried to negotiate a settlement with my ex-wife and her counsel back in August, 2004 giving them plenty of forewarning and proof that my only source of income would soon be ending and we were trying to be proactive and reach some sort of settlement before the income ran out. They refused to settle.

In early February, 2005 my attorney filed a motion for modification of my alimony and shortly thereafter informed me she could no longer represent me adequately and recommended I have another lawyer take over my case. After hiring another woman lawyer, she recommended I drop the modification hearing.

Her opinion was that even though I don't have an income any longer the judge would hypothecate an income based on my past earnings and I wouldn't be able to pay that anyway so what's the point of continuing with a modification hearing. She recommended we ignore the contempt charges being brought against me.

I instructed her to attend the contempt hearings and at the very least show the court the proof that my disability income had expired since the opposing counsel was claiming I had ongoing income and the continued ability to pay using an outdated financial affidavit of mine.

My lawyer had all the proof she needed to defend me but didn't provide any of it to the court and provided no defense on my part what-so-ever. She knew the information the opposition was presenting to the court was outdated and inaccurate but still provided no defense and let contempt charges be ruled against me. Further a hearing was held to obtain a judgment against me for all the arrearages to which she provided no defense. She told me there's nothing they could do since I lived out of state and therefore she had me covered.

Of course this was very far from being true. My ex-wife has now hired a New Mexico attorney and has put forth a motion to the New Mexico court to adopt/domesticate the Florida judgment. I have now been forced to hire an attorney of my own here in New Mexico to defend me.

We have filed a motion with the court here to stay all further proceedings here in New Mexico pending the outcome of the Pro Se motion I now have before the Florida courts. My motion before the Florida courts is to set aside the existing judgment and adjudications of contempt.

My motion is based upon the fact that I did not receive proper counsel or representation and was provided no defense. My motion also shows evidence that the opposing counsel had proof that my disability income had run out since they were previously provide such documents by my old attorney showing statements from my insurance company stating that no further income would be paid to me after March, 2005.

The opposing counsel ignored this evidence and falsely provide the court inaccurate, misleading information to obtain their order of contempt and their judgment against me. Again my Florida lawyer provided me with no defense.

I have requested the Florida court to let me attend the hearing on my motion via telephone. The opposition objected to my attending this hearing via the telephone basing their objection on the need to take my testimony and show me certain documents, etc.

There was a hearing held this morning, which I attended via the telephone, so the judge, Jeffrey Colbath, would decide whether to accept or reject my request to attend the hearing on the 19th via telephone. Unfortunately he sustained their objection and will not allow me to attend that hearing via the phone and I must appear in person. I obviously can't do that since I'm presently in contempt of court, have an existing judgment ordering me to pay arrearages and also an order that I should be taken into custody until I satisfy the outstanding judgment. I do not have the ability to pay this judgment and can't take the risk of being jailed.

I would like to follow through with my motion before the court to set aside the existing judgment and adjudications of contempt but don't know if I'd be able to do so by hiring another attorney to show up at the hearing to represent me. Especially now that the judge has refused my request to attend the hearing via telephone. Can in fact an attorney go to court without me being present and represent me in such a circumstance?

Also once the Florida thing is over and done, if I can't be successful in having the judge set aside the existing judgment and contempt charges it will come right back to the New Mexico court to be domesticated. I don't really know what sort of chance, if any, I would have in having the judge here not adopt this judgment and it then becomes a New Mexico judgment and I find myself in the same situation here. That is not having the ability to pay and then having to face being thrown in jail.

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Victim #118: A Second Wife's Complaint

I am a second wife. My husband earn a lot of money and half of his income today is going to 2 kids 11, 14(child support around 26K a year) and big money for alimony(30K a year). Ex wife work as part time job to maintain her luxery life style.

She has a boyfriend that they date for 3 years and she always stay with her boyfriend when my husband have to take care the kids. Kids stay with my husband 3-4 nights a week. In this case can the court consider that ex wife and her boy friend is in cohabitation.

Is anyway to drop the alimony ? My husband has to pay alimony til he retire. I don't think it is fair since his ex will date with this guy forever but don't live together in order to keep her big check.

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Victim #117: Down on the Farm

After a five-year battle, last year I was finally successful at getting my alimony reduced from $15,000 per month to $2,000 per month. It was only possible when the attorneys saw that there was no money left. Everything was gone, my business had been ruined and I was financially wiped out. My current wife and I also lost our home. We could no longer afford to live in Mass. and moved to Kentucky with our 2 children. We are renters now and live on a farm, but at least our life can move on.

I filed for bankruptcy here in Kentucky and last week I was at the bankruptcy court. The judge was looking over my papers and asked me how long I had to pay alimony. I said “Until I’m 62. I’m 46 now.” Upon leaving the courtroom, my attorney (a woman) looked at me in shock and said, “I can’t believe you have to pay $2,000 per month until you’re 62!!! That’s unbelievable!!! Can’t you get that reduced???”

…She has no idea

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Victim #116: Supporting the Ex-Husband

AMY WILLIAMS, 38, never imagined she'd end up a single mother of two paying alimony to an ex-husband. Yet that's exactly where the media executive found herself when her 10-year marriage dissolved in 2004.

During the early years of the relationship, Williams (whose name we changed due to privacy concerns) supported her husband while he completed his Ph.D. in history. The assumption, she says, was that he would find a job in academia. That day never arrived. He was unable to find work, but also didn't want to be the primary caregiver for their kids. So Williams paid for child care.

[Read more...]

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Victim # 115: A Veteran's Catch-22

I recently sent the information below, to Senator Bob Corker in Florida. I have a hard time believing that he actually read it. He said that I need to contact someone in Tennessee because it is in their jurisdiction. Tennessee tells me I have to contact Florida.

My case may seem minor to some, but after winding up in jail, and leading an all but impoverished lifestyle, to me it is not minor. Attorneys only want money even knowing they can’t help. Been there, lost. I feel as though I am stuck in a barrel with no way out, as other people continue to live quite well as a result of my hard work.

The following will explain and please excuse my bitterness with the American judicial system and the fairness in question of this particular law. I have been informed by certain Father’s rights groups that my case is very severe.

The Good (?), the bad and the extremely ugly: Florida alimony and my personal struggle to survive.

Throughout all of my research, I have determined one major factor that is agreed upon by many: alimony laws were created in favor of women with no regard for the ex-husband. I have found no exception.

The following will indicate my personal struggle and, will further justify my statement concerning the unfairness of the law.

After 14 years of marriage, and two children who were at that time, less than one year and four, I was divorced. Between alimony and child support, I got stung with an overweight price tag of $30,000 per year. Because I am not in the legal profession, I trusted the advice that I was paying for from my attorney. At the time, I owned a new business that was less than a year old, located in Tennessee where I later moved and still reside.

My adoring attorney recommended that I make the alimony non-modifiable in case my business turned into the next version of Microsoft. The problem was that it was a corporation owned by myself, and one partner. Each of us had two board members. His were his Dad and Brother, while mine were my ex-Father and Brother in-law. Needless to say, soon after the divorce, my members resigned and I was voted off the board and lost my company. I did receive severance, which I reinvested into another company that, lo and behold, failed one year later leaving me broke and almost indigent.

In a moment, I will discuss jail. Lets follow the progression. I will also mention credit, later. In addition to the $30,000 per year, she got the house, car and furniture. I got to keep my guitar and an antique bottle collection, which I later sold to eat.

She allowed the house payment to fall behind and received a notice of foreclosure. That's when one of my ex-best friends, with whom she had been having a little fling with (and not her first, but that's another story for another time), came to the rescue and purchased the house. Since she had nowhere else to live, it only made sense for her to move in with him so he could turn around and sell the house that he just purchased for a unbelievable bargain, realizing a handsome profit that I never saw one penney of. After all, on his annual salary of $300,000 per year, he had a big enough place. Hey, bring the kids too! Did it affect my Florida alimony? No, remember, it's non-modifiable.

About a year later the happy couple tied the knot. My alimony stayed the same. I should also make note of how my ex-wife has never worked again since the divorce even though she is ten years younger than me and has some highly marketable skills. She claimed she couldn't work anymore because of the kids. No problem, I'll take them. Yeah, right!

Back to my second business failing. I remarried about two years after the divorce. It's just my wife and I. Fortunately I found gainful employment the day prior to our getting evicted, after my second business failed. But, of course the child support and alimony fell behind, even though I sent a few dollars now and then as I could.

My wife and I budgeted $20 per week for food. Long story short, I got summoned to court in Florida, where I was promptly handcuffed by order of the judge who has lunch frequently with my ex-wife's attorney. This takes place in that kind of town. She could afford a very expensive attorney, I couldn't. Even if I could afford a great one, nobody in this Florida town wants to go up against her attorney. Guess who got locked up. Yep, you got it.

I'm told that later that night, my ex and her spouse went to the country club where they are members, for a steak dinner and a glass of fine wine. Ever try jail food? My sister bailed me out the following day and I left Florida without saying goodbye to the kids, tail between my legs.

I work now and I work hard. Most days, I average 15 to 17 hours. I make $70,000 and continue to give her $30,000 of it to add to her household income leaving them the unfortunate task of learning to live on $333,000 a year. Oh yeah, until the divorce was final, I would send her most of my income to pay the bills that she didn't pay. Guess who has no credit.

Now it gets bleak. Knowing that there was no a way out for me, and the fact that my daughter was so young when the divorce took place, my ex asked me if her husband could adopt her. At first I was furious and said no but then thought about my daughter. Just starting school it would be easier for her if she shared a common last name. It would be easier for Doctors notes, passports and etc. She called the guy Dad anyway and listened to bad things being said about her real Dad around her house.

Then my ex offered me something. If I agreed to this, she would discontinue receiving alimony and I would only pay child support for one child. She told me that I could see my daughter anytime I wanted. So, it was done. No criticism please. I doubt you could understand the pain that I still face every day of my life. But it was a chance to finally provide the life for my wife that she deserves. This all had to be done in sequence because an adoption cannot be done because of money.

In actually, this adoption wasn't about money, but it was an offer that I couldn't refuse, I accepted the offer and she drafted it. After the adoption, she failed to follow through and I can't even get in touch with her now. The last thing I heard, her attorney asked the question of her, "Why would you want to do that"?

My wife and I continue to struggle in our 600 sq. ft. home in a major city where life is by no means cheap. The sad thing is, it shouldn't be this way. What she receives from me is play money for their many trips. Of course I can't modify my payment to her, even upon death! Figure that one out.

In addition to being broke, its humiliating to go through life being embarrassed and knowing you are getting laughed at by the people taking advantage of you. You know, the happy family that lives in the big house and drive new cars. I'm ashamed to invite friends to my house and I pay an enormous amount each month for my car because of my credit rating. I continue to "bust my tail" to fund their luxuries. I'm surprised I can even spell the word luxry (See there I have a hard time with it)

As a loyal American and 14-year military veteran, I have the right to say that alimony laws are ridiculously unjust. So here I am, no way out, and not enough money for a powerful attorney even if there were a way out. Guess it's back to the VA Clinic for some more paxel and Valium. I've been on them for quite some time now. My next step in join my fellow exiles that have had to leave the USA in order to have any kind of a respectable life.

Please do not suggest that I contact the Congressman for that district of Florida. My ex’s husband is a contributor to his campaign and I believe that his firm does that Congressman’s taxes.

I suppose my next question should be addressed to congress. Does anyone in the country that I defended for 14 years care about this injustice. As I see it now, the answer is no. Do you? Probably not if you haven’t filled the shoes of countless divorced men who have either left the country, changed their identity or continue to suffer without warrant.

Perhaps someday I will find someone in a government position who cares more about justice and humanity than their political career and attaining votes. This judgment can be overturned, but it will take Congress to do so. Till then I remain a prisoner of a court system that has no morals.

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Insider Backlash to the Feminist Movement

This insider article says it all and represents the backlash that the feminist movement has created.

Rebecca Walker, daughter of trail-blazing feminist author Alice Walker tells her story of life with her mother and the resulting fallout that feminism is generating in our society.
[Read the article here....]

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Victim #114: Don't Make These Mistakes

At the time of my divorce (it took 2 years) the judge granted alimony payments of $2800.00 per month to my ex-wife. That figure was based on my annual income (the most I have ever made in a year) of $130,000.00. Since that date, I have not come near that number.

Due to a management change at my employment, I was asked to step down from my position in 2004, which paid 85,000 annually, to a position that paid 30,000. (the then location manager and I did not see eye to eye). I could not survive with that pay, so I resigned (huge mistake).

Since I signed a paper stating that I resigned, it was used in my modification hearing as a means of proving that I deliberately reduced my income. I had even called in the district manager to verify my story, but because I signed that paper, I was doomed. Shortly after I left, the then location manager was let go and I was hired back, but into sales (construction materials). The construction industry is depressed and I am currently making 65,000.00 per year.

While I was between jobs, and working a temporary job, I fell behind on my alimony. There were some paycheck that I received in which alimony was deducted and I was left with a two week take home of $90.00.

Not only was my modification denied, but the judge found me to be in arrears $14,000.00. As I soon found out, at the time of my divorce, I was ordered to pay 2 months of alimony up front while the payroll deduction order was processed.

This payment was given to her attorney and then given to her (another mistake.. At no time should any payments be made except through the clerk of court) I am still unable to receive credit for this payment.

I have since remarried and with the help of my wife, have borrowed money to make up the arrearage as we can. (another mistake I made was to make a lump sum payment on the arrearage thinking that I was prepaying.....it cannot be prepaid.....the judge considers it to be similar to a credit card and the lump sum payment only brought the balance down. I still have to make additional monthly payments.

I have been sent to jail for contempt twice. My attorney has now dropped me and I have lost our house because I have no way of paying (for some reason, the judge keeps making me pay the attorney fees of my ex-wife).

I have another court date tomorrow and have asked the opposing counsel to postpone for 30 days to see if I can get some type of legal counsel.

To sum up.....never quit(or resign) your job for any reason.....never make alimony payments except through the clerk of court.....and never pay more than you need to when you need to.

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Victim #113: A Victim of an Online Affair

In 2005, After being married for 7 years I discovered that my wife was having an "on line" affair with a (married) guy that worked at another division of the company she worked for. Not only that but, they were planning a "wild sexual" rendezvous at the upcoming week long conference in Florida. I confronted her about it the day before the conference and told her she needed to find another place to live when she got back from the conference. I also called the other guys wife and told her what was going on and supplied her with copies of all the juicy e-mails. To this day I still think this guy has to sleep in the car a couple of nights a week when his wife brings it up.

Now on to the legal proceedings....

By the time she got back from the conference, I had rented an apartment and had started moving. She did the same. We disposed of our house in which we had no equity. It was my plan for me to file for the divorce. After about 3 or 4 months after the separation, my company didn't renew my contract and I was out of a job. No fault of my own.

After about 2-3 months interviewing for a new job, the wife calls and says she's going to get the divorce so she can get along with her life. Fine no problem. I even agreed to pay for half. It was to be a simple divorce and she didn't want anything from me but to be free. A few days before the divorce, I had to be out of town for an interview in another city and was not able to be at the divorce hearing. I figured no problem I'll just get the final divorce notice in the mail and that will be the end of it.

In about 10 days or so, I got the final decree and the judge granted the divorce along with $200.00 per week in transitional alimony for 2 years. Looking through the decree, I saw my income reported as "$0.00 and unemployed". I saw her income as employed and at $32,000. Prior to being laid off I was at $73K.

Neither one of us owe any serious money and she has more income now that when we got married. She also said she didn't ask for the alimony but the judge JUST GAVE it to her. I didn't have money at the time for a lawyer to appeal within the 30 day period and was unemployed for about 9 months.

She has since filed a contempt order asking for the back alimony. I have to be in court the 18th of this month. I don't know if I should bring up the fact that she verbally told me she would not ask for alimony, or maybe verify that I have been unemployed during most of this time, or challenge the fact that she has a college degree and was working during ALL of this time and actually her "life style has in fact has improved continuously since we got married in the first place. BTW, my new income is now at $60K. a $13K decrease.

Victim #112: A Letter to the Florida Legislators

I am writing to you because Governor Bush suggested that it would be a good idea to let everyone in the legislature know what is going on.

After my recent correspondence with Mr. Bush, outlining some of the injustices to the common men/women of Florida who are required to pay "lifetime" alimony; I am hoping that it is NOT as everyone says it is----"a legal scam" etc, and just that somehow, someway things got out of balance and that the good people in the legislature will look long and hard at what is happening in the "real world". The judges and courts are really just following the laws that are in place---soooo in reality, it isn't ALL their fault...however---something needs to be done about the laws and real quick!!!

I am NOT a wealthy entrepreneur or upscale executive. Just a commoner---an estimator that works for a Masonry Contractor making about $60,000 per year. Out of this annual salary which nets me about $3500 per month, I pay $2500 in Child Support ( 2 children/$1500) and Permanent alimony ($1000 per month) to my former spouse, leaving me to exist on $1000 per month for myself. In case anyone has looked around lately, this is not enough to even get me a studio apt. to live in, let alone food or medical expenses--

I have been living in limbo with friends for 5 years---in their guest room. This isn't temporary and I am NOT a young man---48 years old, so chances are my salary isn't going to increase---it would be more likely to decrease. Do you know what happens then?....this is really baaaddd.....because the court "requires" that I stay at this salary level for the rest of my life in order to pay my former spouse what is "due" to her. Now what is fair about this, I'm not sure? ...and what is going to happen to me when I retire and collect Social Security...if I have to pay $1000 per month---then what???...I will possibly have $20 per month to live on???

My former spouse, on the other hand, has decided that since she gets $1000 per month after taxes for the rest of her life, she really doesn't have much incentive to return to the workforce in any capacity and works at jobs that are cash, so they don't have to be reported and can't e tracked. So she can just sit back and collect money and really has no initiative while I work 80 hours per weeks to support her. Are we "divorced"??...I thought so---but why then, am I paying HER for as long as I live?? Something is "grossly" wrong and I am hoping that you ALL can get things under control a bit.

Please take a close look at Texas Alimony law. There is a 3-year cap. There is a fixed maximum amount. That makes sense. Sometimes, I understand that there is a need for certain individuals whether/men or women to rehabilitate in order to reenter the workforce. That is understandable and I support some assistance for a short period of time. I---however, have already been paying for 5 years with no possible end in sight. Read on--- below for the nightmare on Child Support.

I am NOT alone....there are many, many MEN and WOMEN---yessss there are women too--- just like me here in Florida who are required to pay someone FOREVER!!! If I was your son/daughter, I know that you would possibly look at this differently...paying someone they were "formerly" married too---for the rest of their lives. So please give this some consideration.

This is NOT child support---this is ALIMONY---PERMANENT ALIMONY should not be a permanent vacation ticket for either party of a dissolved marriage. NO ONE should be required to do anything "forever"---after all, we are not even guaranteed jobs "forever", so how can we be required to pay someone else from our non-guaranteed salary?

Now---if there wasn't enough salt in the wound, when my daughter reached the age of majority, I called the Courthouse, sent proof of her age and asked that Child Support for her be stopped. That was over two years ago. I was told that the way the dissolution was structured, I would have to reapproach the courts to "modify" the amount of Child Support I was paying. Now ---call me "simple"....but here we go---$1500 divided by 2 = $750....hey if you even want to add $100 or something into it---OK?...but what I have to pay to go back to court?

I tried to save attorney fees and file ProSe...if you have ever tried to do this---"good luck"...my former wife's attorney pulled some---something...whatever???---it got dismissed. I tried again to negotiate with the help of a Father's resource group and have them negotiate with the former wife. To NO avail---she refused to accept a reduction and wants to get the same amount for one child that she got for two.

$400 later and no more luck, I tried to file again Pro Se, borrowed money to retain an attorney $3500---through stalling of my former wife's attorney and her refusal to submit financials, the $3500 is almost gone and we haven't even gotten to mediation. If you keep in mind---this is ALL to stop Child Support for a Child that is NOW 20 years old, has been gainfully employed working two jobs since she was 18 with my former spouse collecting the child support money.

I need someone---someplace to crack down on these "deadbeat spouses"....forget about the deadbeat dads---it's not just one gender that is abusing the system ---ok???!!

Please take this seriously and take a good hard look at what is going on within the system!!

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Victim #111: Lifetime Alimony of $3,000/mo. Supports Cohabitating Ex-Wife

My father-in-law has just lost a case in Florida to eliminate or reduce his Alimony payments. Fifty percent of his paycheck goes to his ex-wife. He was originally paying child support which after their youngest turned 18 she had the child support rolled over into alimony payments. He has been paying alimony for 8 years and has been ordered to pay until he is 65.

His ex-wife has been living with a man for the last 6 years. She only works part-time and they both are living off the $3,000 a month she gets in alimony. For these reasons he took her back to court to eliminate or reduce alimony and lost. (I was there during the court hearing and I thought his attorney did a poor job.) The judge's response was that he had no cause for the lawsuit. So, he now has to pay her $10,000 in attorney's fees.

My husband and I are searching for a firm that specializes in this type of situation or information on what his father can now do. Money is an issue for him now due to the circumstances and the ruling.

Any advice or who we can contact for help would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you,

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