Victim #106: Alimony Unfair in New Jersey

In New Jersey, as in most states, unless your Property Settlement Agreement states otherwise, parties can go back into court to get support orders modified based on changed circumstances. In my "agreement," which I felt was extorted from me, I "agreed" to pay a fixed rate of alimony for a term of 8 years, then it ends, and we agreed that neither of us could go back to court to have it changed based on changed circumstances. So in my situation, I would get to keep my lottery winnings and my parasite ex-wife would get none of it.

In Jersey they also look at the "marital lifestyle," and the support award is supposed to allow both parties to lead the same "marital lifestyle" as before the divorce. Fat chance when only one of them had much of a paying job during the marriage. So again, assuming the parties could go to court for a modification based on changed circumstances, if the wife was already living the "marital lifestyle," then she wouldn't be entitled to a piece of the lottery winnings (but your kids would, so child support would increase). But if she wasn't living the "marital lifestyle," then the lottery winnings would be changed circumstances and she could get a piece of it to get her up to the "marital lifestyle."

The unfairness of all this, aside from the fact that alimony even exists in the first place, is that when a man gets laid off or changes jobs and gets paid less, or retires, 9 out of 10 times the courts won't allow a decrease in alimony and will impute income to the man, or will say he is deliberately underemployed, capable of earning more, and won't want to "disadvantage" the ex-wife because the man now has a lower paying job, or has retired.

That is the main reason I "agreed" to pay alimony for 8 years at a fixed extortionate rate. I felt it was better than a court maybe awarding my parasite ex-wife lifetime alimony, and then me getting hauled into court every few years if my salary increased, or if I won a lottery or came into an inheritance.

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Victim #105: Disabled Person Treated Like A Criminal

i need help badly..just finished hearing after i was 100% disabled, to abolish alimony(1750.00) a month.

my reduced income(disability) is 3700.00 per month part from disability insurance i had at work.. and approx 1900.00 from social security disability..i have a 401 k acct and an ira acct..both awarded to me through the original divorce.. that is all the monies i have..

at the time of the last hearing i had 1600.00 in checking..and 100.00 in savings..telling you this so you know what the judge had to look at..

wife is working and very healthy no ills or medical problems.. two years of college..divorce was because of her abuse(not documented by law enforcement) of our son at the time of the divorce 17 yrs. old.

to cut to the chase.. at the divorce..the judge gave her the house and 2wo of the three cars..the third car,my son's, is what i was given.. and i had 2500.00 in checking no savings..he made me pay her lawyer the 2500.00..effectively putting me in the street homeless and penniless with my only monies to be my next paycheck...

i certainly couldn't use my 401 or ira accts..i would lose a third for early withdrawl and taxes..not withstanding i would/might need that money for emergency use..

divorce was march of 04..disabled with chronic emphysema(which is terminal) the following nov...no mony for 4 months...i stopped alimony pmts..in nov..( i had no income)..

hearing was put off several times till feb 06..judge ordered approx 26,000 in arrearages plus a continuation of 1750.00 per month plus her health insurance approx 300.00 a month...the total per month is 54% of my disability income..leaving me approx 1600.00 per month.

my only recourse in paying the arrearages..as he was well aware.. was to cash in my 401 k... i have no personal health insurance because the cost is prohibitive with all my other expenses..also not eligible for medicare for two years from disablement..so i was intending to use the retirement accounts as a safeguard against medical costs..my disease 'will' get worse..not better...

my son was locked out of his mother's house the week of his 18th b-day.. we had joint custody..i was a tugboat captain and away at work at the time..she literally put him in the street...he was still in high school at the time...he was able to make it out to the county to the shack i had managed to acquire (built in 1958..it really is a shack)and had very little to eat and no amenities..like air condition or even a selection of food..of which there was very little..

anyway.. i now face an appeal.. and if not overturned..contempt charges and jail time..for the second time i'm to be indigent and homeless.. for what? a mean vindictive woman..that abused our child?

i was a good husband and i'm a great father..i have been a hard working honest citizen all my life..only to end up a criminal in my dying days ? for what?.. my present home/shack is in alabama.

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Victim #104: No Good Deed Goes Unpunished

As of Jan 31, 09 I have been separated from my wife for one year. The separation was my idea and a darn good one, our marriage was over 2 yrs into it. The following 7 yrs were out of necessity on her behalf, after she was diagnosed with breast cancer.

Who knows, maybe we thought things might change for us, the only thing that changed was she got use to not working. She is cancer free over 6 yrs now and I'm happy for her.

At the time of our separation, we entered into an agreement which was not court ordered. I was actually proud of us, hence we finally grew up. I asked her to leave Nov 07, told her to take her time. She did until Jan 08. I told her to take whatever she wanted...she did, I made sure she would not have a car payment and signed over our truck to her. She wanted our pet cats / yes she took them as well.

Our agreement was for an exorbitant amount of money considering my income, But I wanted to give her that boost she claimed she needed to re- establish herself as an independent again, and the fact that she was going to force me to have her evicted if I didn’t agree.

She took a copy of our agreement to an attorney to have notarized and witnessed which was fine with me. I wanted her to feel secure with it. BIG MISTAKE!!

She has worked part time for 3 yrs now. Before that and during her recovery she worked mostly with me doing odd jobs painting houses and such.

Now she claims she cant work full time and she suffers from depression. She was depressed when I met her.

So here's the break-down: I gross $33,000 yearly after all standard deductions including her health insurance. My net take home is $1,634. My monthly expenses w/car payment and allowing $150 per month for food come to $1,684. Oops, did I miss something here? Where is the $800 per month the court has just ordered me to pay her? Oh yes, lets not forget the attorney fees which I just inherited of $2,500.

Here's my take, I have zero savings/zero assets/zero investments/ obviously there is no money in my checking acct from month to month. I'm told...well Mr. brown that’s your problem. When I went to court they treated me like a common criminal. When all I've tried to do is help this person and I told her we have to keep the lawyers out of it or we will be spending money we don’t have just to line their pockets, she thinks they are her friends.

I asked her if they are your friends, then maybe they will pay you support while I'm doing time for contempt, for non-compliance. I am appalled at this system it is so ridiculous. After reading the 13th amendment, I'm really mad, we have got to do something. I feel so violated.

I'm a maintenance supervisor for an apt. complex. I make very little money, I'm honest / I like helping people / which is one thing my wife despised about me...too bad.

Sincerely Fed up & Disgusted and disappointed in my Government.

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Victim # 103: Lifetime Alimony is Just a Symptom of a Greater Evil

Slavery is wrong even if you're given a time period to eventually purchase your freedom. I would point out that the real devil here isn't just alimony or child support or court ordered costs, restraining orders, etc.

All of these are symptoms of one very real, very pernicious problem: government involvement in family affairs. Anytime you introduce force and violence (government) into family matters and empower one party with the full force of law you turn every petty dispute into nuclear war.

Think about it. If I am a woman I am legally empowered to destroy my mates life if he pisses me off. I can have him imprisoned at will, banned from his home, banned from his children, impoverished, and enslaved for my benefit (and my boyfriend(s)) benefit and I can force him to pay for it all and its all legal.

Think about how a man must feel to have another man move into HIS house, be screwing HIS wife, be abusing HIS children, and HE must pay for it all. This is a COMMON scenario and the USA has the gall to help this situation! It is a miracle that more lethal violence hasn't occurred.

In places like Saudi Arabia women are treated poorly so says the world because they can be sent away with just the clothes on their backs from a marriage. They will then get to see the children only 50% of the time and will only be entitled to a minor stipend. The world calls labels this horrific. Men have it much MUCH worse every where else in the western world and possibly the worst in the usa as america embraces prison far more than other countries.

Lifetime alimony is just a symptom, a minor symptom, of the government replacing the social institution of marriage and like everything else the government touches it has become a morass of politics and evil. Get the government out of marriage completely and the problems go away. Alimony by definition becomes an agreement not something mandated by some black robed whore backed up by the jackbooted thuggery of the state.

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