Victim #89: Who Can Help?

Question:
As everyone else, my husband pays support to an ex wife. One who thinks his money is still supposed to support her alcohol habit! They were divorced in Florida in 2000.

She has been working for the last five yrs and has a live in boy friend.

Does anyone know how he can have a court ordered support stopped? Or what he needs to do to have it taken back to court? She has bragged to my sister in law how she doesn't really need the money. And it just barely pays her bar tab. But she wants to make him pay for leaving her.

We need that extra money now that we live out of state and the cost of living is higher here than in Florida. Any helpful info would really be great!

Answer:
You are not alone anymore. The attitude of entitlement of the exes is deplorable. What they fail to realize is that the majority of the 2nd wives were also 1st wives and chose NOT to go after alimony.

We wanted to stand proud and not be looked upon as welfare recipients or burdens to others. We have pride and stand tall. Now, unfortunately, we are forced into involuntary servitude by association with our husbands by the exes and the misguided system that we are battling. We have some in our group who are paying alimony to their former husbands. So our fight is to free all from this onus burden.

We have many from Florida in our group who know just what you are going through. I would encourage you to also join the Alliance for Freedom From Alimony, Inc. [www.alimonyreform.org] This group is based in Florida and you can find a lot of support and information there. The 2nd wives is a relatively new group but we are growing.

The 2nd wives are being heard throughout this country. Currently we have filed a declaratory judgment in the Court to challenge the constitutionality of the alimony statute and have a bill pending before the legislature for alimony reform to end permanent alimony.

There is a light at the end of the tunnel but we need more warriors such as yourself. Your voice is a viable one and your story is important. Contact your legislatures and keep in touch with others, like the 2nd wives here, to keep you strong. Without being able to relate to someone who is or has gone through the same difficulties you have, you feel alone but together we reach out and encourage each other and this empowers us and helps us to strive for change.

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Victim #88: Divorce Causes Downsizing

I am nearing 58 years of age and have worked the same job for 29 years. I can't quite see any judge going the "impute" route on me at this stage of the game.

This is a clear (in my view) case of unequal justice. The divorce forced me to downsize my life from a 3 bedroom single family house with a full yard to a cramped, walk-up apartment. I still have unpacked boxes in plain sight because I have no place to put the stuff. Meanwhile, the ex still lives in a 3 bedroom, single family house with a full yard and now wants to squeeze me harder because she can't afford it. No equality there.

Now, a logical mind would see this: The ex has a large amount of equity in this house, enough to produce $10,000. per year in interest at 5%. That would be near enough to pay each year's rent on a comfortable apartment. If she sells the house and invests the profit conservatively her monthly nut would be little more than the cost of utilities and there would be no yard maintenance or house maintenance to do any more. And with her health poor and in decline wouldn't that seem the obvious route for that reason alone?

Profit from the house sale would also, probably, provide enough money for her to buy a small. economical car to replace the aging, behemoth, expensive pickup truck she currently drives and about which she whines of its age and expense to maintain.

Given that, why would anybody entertain the argument that I should suffer even more greatly, to the point of entering bankruptcy or moving into the back seat of my sub-compact, so that a sick woman may continue to live alone in a 3 bedroom single family house with a nice yard neither of which she has the energy to maintain properly anymore?

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Victim #87: Lifetime Alimony Creates Alimony Welfare Sloths

A letter to a Legislator from one burdened with oppressive alimony :

I served in the Armed Forces, with the United States Air Force for more than twenty years. I was decorated several times and Honorably Discharged. I am currently a Disabled Veteran. After I completed the Troops to Teacher Program in 1995, I became a High School Teacher with the Air Force Junior ROTC Program, teaching Aerospace Science. I am Proud To Serve Again.

My 22 year marriage was dissolved by my wife (the Petitioner) on May 11, 2005.This was her second marriage to an Armed Forces member. Prior to our final divorce, my spouse abandoned the home in June 2002. She returned to the house August 2002, and then left again in May 23, 2003 for good.

This is not what I had in mind when I took my marriage vows. Nor, did I realize how long and costly a divorce in our great state could be. I also did not realize just how involved the State of Florida would become in a persons PRIVATE decision to end their marriage.

On April 11, 2005 I signed a Marital Mediated Settlement Agreement to speed up the process of getting Divorce and put closure to our relationship. Even by Default I had to do it, or the Court would. I signed the agreement in the adversary attorney's office. I did this Under Duress, Undue Influence and Unconscionable Bargaining. I did it because of previous threats of imprisonment, as a result of a court system where most of the judges are trained to ignore men's rights, and men are assumed to need to pay. I think it is fair to presume that undue influence is present in alimony, because the man really has no choice but to sign the divorce contract. The "NO FAULT DIVORCE" law is destroying our families and society.

I am now under a court prescribed income deduction order that takes $10,000.00 from my 10 month teaching salary. My Air Force pension was garnished by 32.5% and my future Teacher pension by 50% as well. After a perfect life credit, I was forced into bankruptcy by the court and the former spouse's attorney. To comply with the Equitable Distribution and under threats of imprisonment I was forced to sell my house, my vehicles, etc.

I have served proudly to protect the citizens of this great country and I continue to serve society as a teacher. However, the district court has ordered me to pay my ex-wife for the rest of my LIFE. The statute has given the judiciary VERY BROAD DISCRETION when ruling on alimony. It is a VIOLATION of the Separation of Powers Act. I never imagined I would be sitting here writing to the legislators of Florida. I have never been a very political person. This statute is nothing but a form of state sponsored slavery, when I have to pay her for the REST OF MY LIFE under the threat of imprisonment if I do not pay.

I will be 57 years old next year on October 31. I earned my pay, paid my dues, served my country. I believe I deserve some kind of a peaceful retirement. I also, do not have the financial resources to continue to pay attorney's fees to keep returning to court for modifications. This is the MADNESS this statute creates. There is never any CLOSURE of the marriage dissolution.

All this statute do, is to create a "welfare" for the recipient. It gives the ex-spouses NO INCENTIVE to become a productive member of society. My ex-wife will receive $18,450.00 per year from the court prescribed income deduction order for permanent alimony, and from my pensions. She does not have to lift one finger to earn any of that money. Quite a nice retirement and income for her, but I have to continue to work to pay her.

This statute is based on a law that is much older that you or I. It is based on laws that were in effect when women had no rights, nor opportunities that they enjoy today. It was based on laws when men owned their women. We both know that is not true today. My ex-wife is a Teacher aide, is in good health, she has a future Florida Retirement and a Social Security Pension. She is more than capable of earning a good salary. My children are of majority age.

There are many in our great state in the same situation, and their voices are beginning to be heard by members of the legislature. This law is archaic. It needs to be changed to reflect the way society is today. There are women in our state that have become "victims" of this statute by either being forced to pay their ex-husbands or have become the 2nd wife of the husband that is forced to pay alimony for the rest of their lives. The numbers of people affected by this archaic law are growing everyday. The judiciary is out of control.

Please abolish this archaic law.

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Victim #86: A Pathetic Lawyer

I would like to put XXXX on notice. I met her at a bar. This should have been my first indicator! She was there with former dolphin XXXX at the time. She represented him in a child custody hearing and he got custody of his kids. She seemed like a headhunter. Because of mutual friends, she offered me a discount.

I scheduled an appointment and went to her office the next week. XXX showed up nearly an hour late. She looked like she never went to bed. She stated that she had bad allergies. Over the next few months, every office visit was like this. Later I found out she had a reputation as a heavy drinker. She wanted a $5000 retainer. I borrowed that from my sister (I was living in my mechanic shop office at the time.) She called opposing counsel, XXXX and, started yelling at her. It seemed like a show but would a lawyer really do that? Surely not.

I wrote earlier how pathetic she was. At mediation she thought the nearly $8000 request per month wasn't "too bad." I warn anybody going through mediation to know what they can afford. If in the first hour or two, you cant settle on a number you should walk out!

My mediation took nearly 11 hours at a cost of about $1200 an hour. I knew with in the first hour I was in trouble. After the mediation she said she wanted to say goodbye to opposing counsel. She was in the other room for nearly 1/2 hour. Later I found out that they were friends and that XXXX asked XXXX to come work for her at one time.

After the mediation she invited me out for a drink and told me that i wasn't technically her client anymore. We went back to her house and had a few more drinks. Nothing really happened because I was just in shock. She was ready for anything to happen.

I called her the following Monday and asked if there were any additional costs. She told me that if I fix her corvette, we would call it even. The repairs to the corvette were less than $500. I let her borrow my ford truck while the repairs were being completed. Approximately 4 days later I delivered her corvette back to her house.

As I pulled up to her driveway I noticed a huge dent that went along the right hand side of my vehicle. I asked her what happened and she said that she had no idea and she thought it was there when she borrowed it. I told her that it wasn't. I left her car and took my truck to a body shop for an estimate. It was about $4800. I faxed it over to her. She called me back and told me that there was no way that would cost that much to repair. Then she told me that she had it looked at by a friend and he said it would cost about $1500. Well........if she stated she didn't know how the damage occurred and that she thought it was there when she took delivery of the vehicle, why should you have a friend look at it? It gets better folks. About three days later I get a bill from her for $5000 more for legal fees.

I would love to hear of any more experiences with her or any other attorney. I truly feel I could have represented myself better. I may have had a fool for a client, but that fool is honest and would have been prepared!

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Victim #85: You Are Not Alone

One of the good things about forum groups is you are not alone, and there is some consolation in knowing you are not alone, and in sometimes getting the feeling things can be done about the situation.

I had a long marriage, 17 years, in Jersey, and was faced with permanent alimony. I "bought my wife" out of my pension and got her to agree to 8 years alimony by giving her our house. Of course, I made every payment on the house for 15 years, she made none, but pensions are considered joint property in Jersey as in Massachusetts, so even though I did all the work, sweat, and toil for it, to keep it I had to trade all my equity in the house. So I live in a house with no equity and she lives in a house almost all paid for, but in 3 years I'll be done with alimony.

It is like having a parasite feeding off you. The system gives these parasites an unjustified sense of entitlement.

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